20 of the Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

Wife brought 2yo to bed. Shortly after, he slowly emerged from the bedroom, with her still in it. He quietly carefully slowwwwly closed the door behind him, while backing out and gesturing to her "shhhhhhh" the whole way. Then left her in there and came to join us.

— Joe Oliver (@joeolivermd) September 27, 2023

[5:00 AM, in a harsh whisper]

Daddy, don't worry, you can sleep. I'm making my own breakfast, how do you turn on the stove?

Me: I'm up.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 24, 2023

Sex ed for teens should include loading kids, stroller, and groceries/sports equipment into the car while it’s pouring rain.

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) September 24, 2023

Ordered new coats for my kids and for convenience I had them shipped directly to their school’s lost and found section

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) September 27, 2023

My teen said I’m annoying but not the most annoying person she’s ever met and that sounds like a challenge to me.

— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) September 26, 2023

My friend got my girls slime for their bday so I’m getting her daughter a harmonica for hers.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) September 27, 2023

My son just informed me it’s illegal for 9 year olds to eat broccoli.

— Kelly (@kelly__le) September 27, 2023

My 14-month old just walked up to me with a big smile on her face and out of nowhere gave me a kiss for the first time. 🥰

…then she immediately turned around the did the same thing to the dog.

— Aaron Hoyland (@aaronhoyland) September 30, 2023

my kid, carrying one small toy and a water bottle: mom, can you get my backpack, my hands are really full

me, carrying 8 grocery bags:

— meghan (@deloisivete) September 28, 2023

Preschool wants us to print out photos a make a collage of all our family members, which is actually an impossible task bc printing out photos is impossible but I went to CVS, fought with the photo machine and DID IT. Got home, the 3yo was like "you forgot a photo of the snail"

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) September 27, 2023

Are you ok?

– my 6yo watching me put the sheets on her bunk bed

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 28, 2023

I’m showering for work when 9 y/o busts in on me.

Me: “Excuse me!”

9 y/o: “I’m late for school and I have to brush my teeth. Just stay in the shower. I don’t want to see anything that will ruin my childhood.”

☠️

— Jennifer Public Radio 💎 (@AmbientSynthy) September 30, 2023

Fall is great because you can just grab an old piece of wood, paint the word “Fall” on it and sell it for $49

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) September 27, 2023

3-year-old was singing quietly into a banana and without looking up from his video game, her brother said “It’s not on. You have to turn it on.” So she pressed an alleged button on the banana and now she’s singing very loudly into it? Huh

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) September 27, 2023

None of the parenting books said ANYTHING about having to relearn chemistry at 10 PM.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 27, 2023

The most disappointing thing about being a kid is that you don't realize you're in the chillest part of life. You can't even appreciate your easygoing struggles because you're blinded by rage. You had to share your crayons with your sister, and it's the worst day of your life.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 26, 2023

The only thing my wife hates more than picking a place to eat is the place I just picked.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 24, 2023

Me: “What do you want to be for Halloween?”

My 1 1/2 yo: “Cheese.”

— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) September 26, 2023

when i met him, i should’ve recognized the red flags because he immediately wanted to move in with me. 11 months later he still has no job or money and i can’t do anything without him watching my every move.

like, i know he’s my son but he’s gotta get it together.

— Chele, please! (@_YamSmalls_) September 30, 2023

My son and my little sister (she's 8) ripped open a bean bag chair to see what's inside. It made a huge mess. She wrote us this note and showed it to us before the big reveal pic.twitter.com/pS8dNbv7NY

— king lazy bones (@tenderlilguy) September 25, 2023