20 Super Funny and Relatable Tweets for Some Midweek Laughs

My personal style is best described as "didn't expect to get out of the car."

— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) February 16, 2015

Remember when Special K invented a diet and it was just eating Special K

— Reuven Perlman (@ReuvenPerlman) August 25, 2022

went into my local charity shop, found a gorgeous shirt and thought to myself “what a find” bought it, took it home – shortly after I realised it was my shirt. That I donated. To the charity shop. 🙂 x

— S O P H (@SophGalustian) February 3, 2023

i love elevator etiquette. absolutely no expectation to make small talk with other people. everyone just stares at a wall in silence

— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) January 15, 2023

convinced my 44 year old therapist to confront her husband about not liking her instagram posts and left the session feeling so empowered by the realization that while she can’t make me better, i can make us both worse.

— Dana Donnelly (@danadonnelly) July 4, 2019

Always nice to see my son’s apple return home from it’s daily school outing

— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) October 26, 2022

My favorite adult hack is when I carefully and thoughtfully put something very important away so I can’t lose it and then I never find it again

— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) September 13, 2022

3yo: Can I get this candy?

Me: Nope

3yo: Can I get this candy for my friend?

Me: Who is your friend?

3yo: I am my friend.

— Cydni Beer (@cydbeer) August 16, 2019

Colonel being pronounced Kernel really bothers my spirit

— Domonique (@ChefDomonique) May 24, 2020

My 11 yr old has drafted a fiction story for class, and just asked me to look it over with her. As we sat down to read it, she said: “It’s either a masterpiece or a disasterpiece.”

Friends, I would like you to meet my new favorite word.

— Casey Dunn (@1CaseyDunn) April 12, 2022

The Roomba keeps going right past a piece of garbage without picking it up. It’s one of the family now.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 27, 2021

my mom only remembers my childhood friends based on the perceived slights they committed against her 15 years ago. I’ll mention a name and she’ll just be like “ah yes, the one with the MUDDY SHOES.”

— Robert Schultz (@_RobertSchultz) August 17, 2021

My wife has like 20% of a conversation in her head before she decides to bring me into it. We can be driving in silence and she’ll just be like “and then we’ll pick the kids up and go straight from there.”

— The Dad (@thedad) October 14, 2019

intermittent fasting? i just slept 7 hours without a snack what more do you want from me?

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) May 5, 2021

my addiction to buying things i don’t need started at the school book fair

— Adam (@adamgreattweet) September 25, 2022

someone just honked to get me out of my parking spot faster, so now I have to sit here until both of us are dead.

— mariana Z (@mariana057) March 13, 2021

DMV Lady: Do you want to retake your photo? You look mad.

Me: I am mad.

DMV Lady: But you'll look mad on here for 5 years.

Me: I will still be mad in 5 years.

— Amanda B (@amandajpanda) December 1, 2020

I'm amazed by people who lose weight w exercise. When I exercise nothing happens bc my DNA still thinks I'm a European peasant. So it's like "Oh! Are we running from the English again, lass? Dinnae ye worry: we'll keep ye plump as a partridge to outlast the murderous bastards!"

— Jamie Kenney (@LaComtesseJamie) April 24, 2018

I JUST WITNESSED A LADY THROW AWAY THE CENTER OF A CINNAMON ROLL.

THE CENTER OF A CINNAMON ROLL.

THE GREATEST BITE OF THE CINNAMON ROLL.

THE REASON YOU GET THE CINNAMON ROLL.

THE CENTER. OF THE. CINNAMON ROLL.

This world is full of monsters.

Monsters.

— tanner olson (@tannerJolson) December 6, 2018

This is Teddy. He didn't see you there. Hopes you haven't been watching this whole time. 13/10 pic.twitter.com/OWcu4ukQN8

— WeRateDogs® (@dog_rates) February 7, 2023