20 Hilarious Tweets from a Mom Who Keeps it Real

I haven't talked to my sons for a few days so I changed the Hulu, Netflix and Amazon passwords. I heard from all 3 of them within 20 minutes.

— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) September 2, 2018

I'm just saying we probably have the technology available to get the frosting all the way to the edge of the Pop-Tarts.

— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) May 28, 2022

I just watched 'Tidying Up'. If I threw away everything in my kitchen that didn't bring me joy, all I'd have left is a corkscrew and an ice cream scoop.

— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) February 2, 2019

My husband pissed me off so when he wasn't looking I poured water on the floor in front of the dishwasher. He's been fixing it for the past 2 hours.

— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) October 12, 2019

Airlines: Your ticket is $300. Oh, you would like to bring clothes with you? How extravagant! That will be an additional $50.

— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) March 25, 2019

Mechanic: Make, model, year?

Me: red

— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) April 29, 2021

If you want to receive a text message every 3 minutes for an hour, send your husband to the grocery store.

— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) September 10, 2019

My husband changed his cologne brand for the 1st time in 31 years. Now he smells like I'm having an affair.

— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) June 8, 2019

Today my 17yo son asked me where we keep the ice cream. There goes that college scholarship we've been striving for.

— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) March 27, 2021

I don't know who needs to hear this but your baby won't remember your Disney vacation. Save $5k and take them to the mall.

— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) February 19, 2022

My dad said it's important to carry a compass when I go hiking, in case I ever get lost. I have no idea how drawing perfect circles will help, but I'm not one to question authority.

— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) January 18, 2019

I don't mean to brag but my son emptied the dishwasher for the first time without being asked. He's 23 but still, without being asked.

— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) August 14, 2021

Me: I'd like to bring my puppy in to see how much she weighs.

Vet: Just weigh yourself then weigh yourself holding her and subtract.

Me: no thank you

— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) January 10, 2021

My husband surprised me by taking the day off. I guess today is the day he finds out we've actually had a cleaning company for the last 5 years.

— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) May 8, 2019

I borrowed my husband's truck. While I was out I saw his exact vehicle with a big dent in the side. I took a photo of it, texted it to him and simply wrote, "Oops".

— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) October 4, 2021

My husband asked me if our new hand towel was for decoration only. Is there an award? I feel like he should get an award.

— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) October 30, 2021

Welcome to your 50s, water now gives you heartburn.

— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) March 20, 2022

I couldn't remember the name for slippers so I called them my pajama shoes.

— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) March 5, 2021

My husband pissed me off so I went shopping for the afternoon, with all of our remotes.

— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) September 11, 2021

I cleaned out my teen's room and I found 8 plates, 21 utensils, a TV remote, 8 chapsticks, a burner phone and apparently we have a cat.

— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) April 23, 2022