Here’s a little round-up of some of the funniest tweets I’ve come across lately.
Hope these bring you some laughs and hope you have a great week!
Janene
#1
The way I act when I have to line my wheel up at the car wash you would think I'm trying to land a 747 on a tightrope.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) February 23, 2024
#2
I hate it when Americans include the year and model of a car in a story and you have to guess from context if it's a really good car or a really bad car.
— Martin Pilgrim (@MartinPilgrim1) November 24, 2022
"My husband showed up to our first date in a 1983 Chevrolet Anaconda."
"Haha, what a total loser or millionaire."
#3
As a kid I thought u only got ur period once and after that u were fertile til menopause so when I got my 1st period I was like “oof well at least that’s over with!” And then my mom informed me it would be a monthly recurrence for the next 30+ yrs and I fell to my knees screaming
— Keara Sullivan (@superkeara) March 14, 2024
#4
What wine pairs best with finding out my in-laws are staying a day longer than I thought
— meghan (@deloisivete) December 23, 2022
#5
My moms a preschool teacher and she let the kids pick the name of their fish and they picked "blueberry 2" like there's not even a blueberry 1 I love children
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) December 24, 2017
#6
Today scientists discovered 6 new rogue planets and I discovered an open bag of M&Ms at the back of the pantry I forgot about so big day for science and me
— 𝗕𝗿𝗶𝗰𝗸'𝘀 𝗛𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗲 🍁 (@BrickMahoney) August 28, 2024
#7
you'd think the thing in my house with the most cat hair on it would be my cat
— 𝗕𝗿𝗶𝗰𝗸'𝘀 𝗛𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗲 🍁 (@BrickMahoney) August 29, 2024
#8
Got flagged by airport security because my son had a Magic 8 Ball in his backpack. Two TSA agents debated whether it was ok. My husband said, “If only we had a simple way to answer a yes or no question…” Crickets.
— J. Courtney Sullivan (@jcourtsull) April 20, 2024
#9
The old lady ringing me up at the store got frustrated w/ the barcode on my cheese not working so she just gave it to me for free…she is now sole beneficiary of my Will
— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) March 6, 2024
#10
I saw an old couple in the supermarket using walkie talkies to communicate with each other from different aisles so you can no longer convince me that we have nothing to learn from previous generations
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) March 7, 2024
#11
It's too late, I sat down in a comfy chair after work, go on without me
— meghan (@deloisivete) July 31, 2024
#12
My Dad hasn't had to buy Irish Spring bar soap in years, when I was 9 he found a pallet on sale at Meijer for 19 cents a bar and one day I will inherit the reminder of the 900 bar purchase.
— Amanda B (@amandajpanda) March 8, 2024
#13
Today we found out that according to the instruction manual we’re supposed to clean the filters of our AC units every two weeks. This is significantly more frequent than our existing schedule of zero times in four years
— Tom Gara (@tomgara) August 25, 2024
#14 “Mosquitologically” may be my new favorite word LOL…
what happened to my ankles tonight mosquitologically can never happen again
— johnny 🪿 (@kudosdunce) August 5, 2024
#15
Having a bad day? Theres a potato for that.
— Benny Boy (@Camel_Crushin) August 27, 2024
#16
well my laundry is done in the dryer! time to leave it there for six hours
— jen merritt!!! (@jennifermerr) August 19, 2021
#17
reservations are so embarrassing like hi i’m here for my spaghetti appointment
— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) September 12, 2022
#18
I remember when a computer didn't automatically connect to the internet, it used to make a screaming noise. We should have listened.
— Granite Man 🏴 (@GraniteDhuine) August 28, 2024
#19
I accidentally left two bags of broccoli in a 90 degree car for 3 days and boy does it smell like I left two bags of broccoli in a 90 degree car for 3 days.
— Brent Terhune in Des Moines Fri&Sat (@BrentTerhune) August 26, 2024
#20
— Mai (@MaiTrin360) August 27, 2024
