Here’s a little round-up of some funny and relatable tweets.
Hope these bring you some laughs and hope you have a great week!
Janene
#1
I hate when a new season of a tv show starts without a recap of what happened last season. you expect me to remember? my brain is a little puddle of apple sauce sloshing around my skull. I have lived many lives since then. please just tell me what I need to know
— Gabrielle Drolet (@gabrielledrolet) June 6, 2024
#2
My moms a preschool teacher and she let the kids pick the name of their fish and they picked "blueberry 2" like there's not even a blueberry 1 I love children
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) December 24, 2017
#3
Instead of “Take Your Child To Work Day” there should be a “Take Your Therapist To Work Day” so they can see exactly what you’ve been talking about
— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) June 3, 2024
#4
I told my parents my 3yo cried the other night because we weren’t having steak for dinner so naturally my dad was making steak at 10:30 this morning when we got to their house
— Parenting Presently (@presentparent_) November 19, 2023
#5
I hate it when Americans include the year and model of a car in a story and you have to guess from context if it's a really good car or a really bad car.
— Martin Pilgrim (@MartinPilgrim1) November 24, 2022
"My husband showed up to our first date in a 1983 Chevrolet Anaconda."
"Haha, what a total loser or millionaire."
#6
Very rude that image quality improved exponentially as I became worse looking
— 𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘆 𝘃𝗮𝗻 𝘀𝗹𝘆𝗸𝗲 (@im_all_id) June 6, 2024
#7
someone left a pretty nice coffee table outside next to their trash and you should have seen me dragging it away like a thrilled rat bringing home garbage to their nest
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) December 11, 2022
#8
watching the kids play hide and seek in the park and mine just hid behind a chain link fence
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) January 27, 2014
at least we don't have to save for college
#9
the thing about sweatshirts is that they can never be big enough, i need to live inside it, i need my sweatshirt to be a studio apartment
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) April 8, 2022
#10
I saw an old couple in the supermarket using walkie talkies to communicate with each other from different aisles so you can no longer convince me that we have nothing to learn from previous generations
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) March 7, 2024
#11
It's too late, I sat down in a comfy chair after work, go on without me
— meghan (@deloisivete) July 31, 2024
#12
My Dad hasn't had to buy Irish Spring bar soap in years, when I was 9 he found a pallet on sale at Meijer for 19 cents a bar and one day I will inherit the reminder of the 900 bar purchase.
— Amanda B (@amandajpanda) March 8, 2024
#13
Today we found out that according to the instruction manual we’re supposed to clean the filters of our AC units every two weeks. This is significantly more frequent than our existing schedule of zero times in four years
— Tom Gara (@tomgara) August 25, 2024
#14
No one talks about the real problem with exercising: you have to keep doing it.
— krista (@kristabellerina) June 8, 2024
#15
well my laundry is done in the dryer! time to leave it there for six hours
— jen merritt!!! (@jennifermerr) August 19, 2021
#16
3 year-old drinking a carbonated soda: “It’s like a bunch of really tiny people punching me in the tongue!”
— Barlow Adams (@BarlowAdams) November 18, 2023
#17
I remember when a computer didn't automatically connect to the internet, it used to make a screaming noise. We should have listened.
— Granite Man 🏴 (@GraniteDhuine) August 28, 2024
#18
when people give me directions and they’re like “you can’t miss it” i’m like, oh you do not know what i’m capable of
— erica (@ericanextdooor) June 1, 2024
#19
Just killed a wasp all by myself so if you need me I’ll be busy growing chest hair and cleaning out the garage.
— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) June 6, 2024
#20
I always ask for a receipt so I can keep them in my purse for 86 years.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) August 27, 2023
#21
Sorry I was late. The app that I’ve been automatically logged into for months was asking for my password
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) February 20, 2025
#22
I don't wanna be dramatic but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) February 17, 2025
#23
3yo: Mommy I hit my head.
— Princess | Mindfulness | Conscious Parenting (@themultiplemom) February 22, 2025
Me: *head kisses*. Better?
Her: No but you’re a nice mommy *walks away*
💀💀💀
#24
When you ask a 3 year old if you can have a little bit of their kinder egg. pic.twitter.com/wnppkCSEpN
— Mr G (@DeputyGrocott) February 21, 2025
#25
