Here’s a little round-up of some of the funniest tweets I’ve come across lately.
Hope these bring you some laughs and hope you have a great week!
Janene
#1
“you should exercise for at least 30 minutes every day” ok and how much if you’re not trying to go to the olympics ?
— chase (@_chase_____) May 13, 2024
#2
One thing I don't think we talk about enough is dogs lean too far out of car windows and I worry about them
— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) April 27, 2017
#3
So my mom has been watching Mama Mia on repeat for the past week but today she stepped it up a notch by somehow playing Mama Mia simultaneously on EVERY SINGLE TV in our house so as she walks around she can continue to watch and never miss a scene I can hear it from my bedroom
— Lukas Battle (@lukasbattle) June 9, 2018
#4
Men pick their favorite sports team when they’re like 11 and let it make them upset for the rest of their life
— pimp Z (@zabdydbaz) December 20, 2021
#5
Someone brought Krispy Kreme doughnuts into work and told everyone to help themselves.
— 𝐏𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐲 (@pearlylondon) May 15, 2024
Someone else at work cut 1 of the KK doughnuts in half, because 'they couldn't manage a whole one.'
They walk amongst us.
#6
Sent my adult sons to the grocery store for toilet paper…they came back with potato chips, cookies, cheese dip, hot sauce, roasted chicken
— Linda (@turtledumplin) October 12, 2019
And no toilet paper.
#7
My boyfriend’s parents gave my dog high end dog food and now she’s on a hunger strike and won’t eat her normal kibble. Can not believe I’m really in a battle of wills with a 20 pound, crusty eyed white dog, named “Cupcake”
— Colleen (@Coll3enG) November 28, 2022
#8
I had to cough but my kids were sleeping so I literally just choked on my own saliva because apparently I choose dying over accidentally waking them up.
— Mommy Owl (@Mommy__Owl) July 8, 2023
#9
My son just told his girlfriend to calm down.
— Linda (@turtledumplin) May 1, 2024
Should I tell him or let him learn?
#10
I'm at the age where I won't make eye contact with someone because they look like a "talker".
— Kayla (@RebelWiACause) February 24, 2024
#11
My kids are playing doctor’s office and the receptionist just said, “the doctor will see you in five seconds” and this is the least realistic game I’ve ever seen.
— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) February 24, 2024
#12
7 yo: Can you do my homework tonight?
— Jew in a Canoe ✡️🇨🇦 memoir now available! (@WillieHandler) September 7, 2023
Me: No. It wouldn't be right.
7 yo: That's okay. Just do the best you can.
#13
Going to bed, but first let me try to fix everything in the world with my mind
— donni saphire (@donni) October 10, 2022
#14
My 5yo, to me: I WILL PROBABLY INVITE YOU TO ME WEDDING.
— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) May 4, 2024
#15
Good news! My 8YO says she is halfway done with the story she started telling last Monday
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) February 22, 2024
#16
I slipped on a banana peel that my toddler left on the kitchen floor and I thought this only happened in cartoons
— Parenting Presently (@presentparent_) February 13, 2024
#17
When I was 22 I took my 21 yr/o roommate to the ER and when the doctor walked in he pointed at me and said "Mom?" so I responded "What about my mom?" and then he said "No, I mean are you her mom?" and I have never fully recovered from that moment.
— Joanna Hausmann Jatar (@Joannahausmann) January 13, 2022
#18
There's nothing like forgetting where you parked your car… i'm pretty much a goldfish with a drivers license
— Ⓜ️isterD (@MisterD78UK) March 21, 2025
#19
me: It’s important to tell your parents everything.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) July 5, 2023
my 8yo: when mommy woke up this morning she looked 100 years old.
me: whatever you do don’t tell her that.
#20
You know when you can't find your glasses because they're on your face?
— Mckayla (@mckaylasbooks) May 9, 2024
I just panicked a little because I couldn't find my baby. pic.twitter.com/gbpN16hMhk
