Here’s a little round-up of some of the funniest tweets I’ve come across lately.
Hope these bring you some laughs and hope you have a great week!
Janene
#1
Three year old daughter has acquired my work lanyard and is now strutting around the house with it around her neck declaring ‘I’m so so so soooo important’ in extremely pompous voice. Most devastating critique I’ve endured in years
— Stephen Dziedzic (@stephendziedzic) February 24, 2024
#2
my roommate’s dog likes to sit on my lap while I’m working and on zoom my boss was like “oh my gosh please introduce that cute baby!!”, so i unmuted myself and was like “this is Evie” but it turns out my boss was talking to one of my coworkers, who had a literal human infant
— Colleen (@Coll3enG) August 1, 2021
#3
So my mom has been watching Mama Mia on repeat for the past week but today she stepped it up a notch by somehow playing Mama Mia simultaneously on EVERY SINGLE TV in our house so as she walks around she can continue to watch and never miss a scene I can hear it from my bedroom
— Lukas Battle (@lukasbattle) June 9, 2018
#4
Why don’t they make a line of adult PEZ dispensers full of things like antacids and Advil?
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) January 4, 2024
#5
I enjoy driving because it combines my desire to sit with my talent for being angry.
— Christine Obert (@cdpsolutions1) January 15, 2024
#6
Sent my adult sons to the grocery store for toilet paper…they came back with potato chips, cookies, cheese dip, hot sauce, roasted chicken
— Linda (@turtledumplin) October 12, 2019
And no toilet paper.
#7
My boyfriend’s parents gave my dog high end dog food and now she’s on a hunger strike and won’t eat her normal kibble. Can not believe I’m really in a battle of wills with a 20 pound, crusty eyed white dog, named “Cupcake”
— Colleen (@Coll3enG) November 28, 2022
#8
Men pick their favorite sports team when they’re like 11 and let it make them upset for the rest of their life
— pimp Z 🤘🏻🇵🇸 (@zabdydbaz) December 20, 2021
#9
My son just told his girlfriend to calm down.
— Linda (@turtledumplin) May 1, 2024
Should I tell him or let him learn?
#10
I'm at the age where I won't make eye contact with someone because they look like a "talker".
— Kayla (@RebelWiACause) February 24, 2024
#11
My kids are playing doctor’s office and the receptionist just said, “the doctor will see you in five seconds” and this is the least realistic game I’ve ever seen.
— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) February 24, 2024
#12
Life with a dog consists of 90% following each other around, watching each other use the bathroom and wondering what the other is eating.
— Christine Obert (@cdpsolutions1) March 16, 2024
#13
The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) November 30, 2013
#14
Going to bed, but first let me try to fix everything in the world with my mind
— donni saphire (@donni) October 10, 2022
#15
Good news! My 8YO says she is halfway done with the story she started telling last Monday
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) February 22, 2024
#16
I slipped on a banana peel that my toddler left on the kitchen floor and I thought this only happened in cartoons
— Parenting Presently (@presentparent_) February 13, 2024
#17
When I was 22 I took my 21 yr/o roommate to the ER and when the doctor walked in he pointed at me and said "Mom?" so I responded "What about my mom?" and then he said "No, I mean are you her mom?" and I have never fully recovered from that moment.
— Joanna Hausmann Jatar (@Joannahausmann) January 13, 2022
#18
This is why we should all get land lines. Some of you don't even know what a landline is.
— Imani Gandy (Orca’s Version) ⚓️ (@AngryBlackLady) February 22, 2024
Gather 'round and let me tell you about the days of yore when we had to hide in the closet to talk to our friends on the phone after screaming "DAD, I GOT IT. HANG UP!"
#19
It’s all “ok boomer” until you need someone who can drive stick shift.
— regular david (@OrdinaryAlso) November 18, 2019
#20
My husband is taking me on a shopping spree for my bday. I am dressed like I’m about to run a 5k. He is dressed like we are going to a fancy dinner. I gently explained that he grossly underestimated my ability to go the distance and he better hope his shoes are comfortable.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) January 5, 2024
