If you’re feeling like it’s already been a long week, take a little humor break with these 20 tweets that made me laugh.
Wishing you a good rest of the week!
Janene
#1
“Mama. I have bad news. I drank too much water and now I have a tummy ache.”
— kindminds_smarthearts (@kindminds_) June 17, 2023
-my son after eating 4 cookies
#2
My 13yo wants a hamster and we told her she needs to prove she’s responsible first so we just keep saying things like “someone who wants a hamster doesn’t leave their plate at the dinner table” and I think we might keep this going until she’s 23
— SpacedMom (@copymama) June 24, 2023
#3
Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen – he sprayed everything down and cleaned thoroughly. Today I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.
— C A Scrimshaw Author (@ca_scrimshaw) April 1, 2023
#4
Today, I woke up early for a vet appointment to have a lump on my dog’s belly checked out, and it ended up being a nipple. TGIF.
— Tiffany Hardy (@TiffMHardy) June 23, 2023
#5
The slogan for Canada Dry should be "Sorry you’re sick.”
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) February 23, 2021
#6
Me: Why isn’t the water working?
— OyVeyLady (@OyVeyLady) June 22, 2023
Kid:
Me:
Kid:
Me:
Kid: I shut it off to practice being a plumber
Me: There it is
#7
If there is a watermelon. Why isn't there a earthmelon, firemelon and airmelon? You know… The elemelons.
— Dzintra – Author (@DzintraSullivan) June 11, 2022
#8
A police officer came to my house and asked me where I was between 5and 6. I replied, “Kindergarten.”
— mariana Z (@mariana057) August 26, 2021
#9
I think it’s only fair that if I clean something, it stays clean for all of eternity.
— Stacey (@skittle624) June 26, 2021
#10
My toddler asked me to give her chicken nuggets a checkup. After giving all the nuggets a medical exam I realized my toddler was asking for ketchup.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) April 6, 2020
#11
Me to my kid’s tiny friend: what you drawing there?
— Maddie! 🗺️ 🍷🩵 🧀🍫 (@MadHatterMommy) June 23, 2023
him: a story
Me: who’s that girl?
Him: a villain
Me: her glasses look like mine
Him: also her dress and shoes
Me:
#12
most cutting thing you can say is "who's this clown?" because it implies they're a) a clown & b) not even one of the better-known clowns
— Cohen is a ghost (@skullmandible) December 12, 2013
#13
My mispronunciation of French words is a touché subject.
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) February 26, 2024
#14
middle names are so funny. it’s like ok what if we gave this baby a second worse name that’s a little bit of a secret ?? and it kind of has to be marie
— chase (@_chase_____) June 21, 2023
#15
5k of my 10k steps a day are from searching for my coffee
— Draggin Father Behind (@DragginFatherB) June 22, 2023
#16
I opened a new box of cereal before finishing the old one.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 23, 2023
My wife hasn't noticed yet.
I'm living on borrowed time.
#17
I live by the school where I work, so I often see students when I walk my dog. Today my dog met one of my kindergarteners for the first time. The kindergartener leaned down and whispered to my dog, "I'm your best friend now. Don't forget me."
— Caitlin 🚗 🧀 Driscoll (@TeacherOnTopic) June 15, 2023
#18
Told my husband I had the notion to dye my hair a very vibrant pink. He told me it would 'be unbecoming on a middle-aged woman'.
— Claire Allan / Freya Kennedy (@ClaireAllan) July 14, 2023
So the question now is – just how pink do I go?
#19
The pilot of this flight just said “the crew is headed up by my ex-wife Elena” so, excited to see where this goes
— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) July 14, 2023
#20
Genuinely how do Aldi not get sued every single day pic.twitter.com/GXGG08w3O9
— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) April 14, 2023
