The women of Twitter never fail to make me laugh with funny and relatable quips.
Here’s a quick little round-up of some of my favorite tweets from women this week.
Hope these bring some smiles to your day!
Janene
#1
To the lady in the black BMW who stuck up two fingers at me after I beeped at her when pulling out of Waitrose car park just now:
— Julie (@julhat) August 12, 2024
Your Louis Vuitton handbag probably isn't on your car roof anymore.
#2
Not to be controversial but sometimes I add two spaces after a period because that’s what I learned in my typing class 30 years ago.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) August 15, 2024
#3
Someone once told me I was boring because I stay home all the time and I wonder if they know that’s where my alcohol and tv are
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) August 13, 2024
#4
Leaving the grocery store, this woman started honking at me and yelling for me to leave so she can have my spot.
— Carrie (don’t take me to prom) (@iamofdaniel) August 12, 2024
I live here now. Going to check my email and maybe do some studying.
#5
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you have enough coffee mugs.
— your other mom (@difficultpatty) August 17, 2024
#6
Writing a to do list me and actually doing the things on the list me are two very different people
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) August 11, 2024
#7
Levels of ceiling fan:
— Marl (@Marlebean) August 17, 2024
-Hurricane
-On .. ish
-How do I turn this off? maybe it's on.. wait, is it almost off? no it's still on
#8
Bought a new blanket that says hang outside to dry, ok calm down there Little House on the Prairie
— meghan (@deloisivete) August 11, 2024
#9
me: it would be nice if everyone else helped clean this house once in awhile!
— nika (@nikalamity) August 15, 2024
everyone else: [cleans]
me: not like that
#10
but if i put my laundry away, the laundry chair will be out of a job
— cella (@cellapaz) August 15, 2024
#11
It’s actually kind of funny that people pay any attention to beauty/skin/diet/fitness influencers who are in their 20’s. Like “what’s your secret??” Being 22. That’s their secret. If the kale salad exfoliation regimen still works after menopause THEN they might be on to something
— Naomi Rohatyn (@omibaloney) August 15, 2024
#12
whoever was responsible for putting honey in bear-shaped containers should get to make more packaging decisions
— “paula” (@paularambles) August 15, 2024
#13
Just tried to put on my seatbelt when I sat down at the movie theater and for 1 moment genuinely nothing made sense
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) August 12, 2024
#14
Completely fascinated by the person in the pub who, when asked how far 5,000m is, converted it to miles, then into km and then announced authoritatively that it’s “a bit under 5k”
— Pip (@philippawarr) August 10, 2024
#15
I went to a grocery store today that doesn't do plastic bags, and I didn't have my reusables with me so they sold me one for $0.10, and fulfilled my deeply weird childhood desire to walk out of a store embracing a big brown paper bag of fruit and bread like a Busytown rabbit
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) August 13, 2024
#16
imagine being Tom and they name foolery after you
— trash jones (@jzux) August 12, 2024
#17
I often say no problem when yes problem.
— L (@Ann_Hedonia1) August 13, 2024
#18
does anybody know what i want for dinner
— bald ann dowd (@ali_sivi) August 13, 2024
#19
I don’t have an inner child. I have an inner old person that gets angry at loud noises and makes decisions based on the availability of food and a comfortable place to sit down.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) August 12, 2024
#20
I'm not saying Lois Lane is a bad investigative journalist, but my friend Greg didn't wear glasses to work yesterday and I recognised him by lunch time.
— Vitt (@vitt2tsnoc) August 17, 2024
