The women of Twitter never fail to make me laugh with funny and relatable quips.
Here’s a quick little round-up of some of my favorite tweets from women this week.
Hope these help you start the weekend off with some smiles!
Janene
#1
my dad has called 13 times since my mom went out of town. last night we learned how to order something on amazon and tonight we learned how to watch apple tv. i think im accidentally running a virtual summer school for dads.
— kenzi (@kenzianidiot) May 23, 2024
#2
might quit my job to focus on actually putting away my laundry
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) May 21, 2024
#3
thought I would mix things up today and sit in a new spot on my couch. Absolute chaos over here
— danielle weisberg for hire (@danielleweisber) May 22, 2024
#4
Stuff the woman sitting in front of me has googled in class today:
— 🥴steph🥴 (@eff_yeah_steph) May 21, 2024
Henry Cavill
Clam chowder
New England clam chowder
Where is New England
Old England
Henry Cavill
#5
My husband is out of town, but the cupboard doors are still open, so now I have to face some cold hard truths about myself
— meghan (@deloisivete) May 20, 2024
#6
what’s the opposite of a roast I would like to gather my friends and have them all say nice things about me
— Shannon (@shannonpurser) May 21, 2024
#7
I never say never. Unless someone asks me when I want to go camping. Then the answer will always be “Never”.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) May 21, 2024
#8
every time I leave the house and walk around in the sun I’m like wait. WAIT. staying inside sitting in a chair all day might actually be really bad for me
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) May 23, 2024
#9
My librarian just told me that I always come into the library "so quiet" and I said "I thought everybody did?" She said "not anymore, people come in very loud now, but you're always very quiet." And I have decided that getting a compliment from a librarian is the very best thing.
— Lane Moore🔮 (@hellolanemoore) May 22, 2024
#10
i feel like the craziest generation to live in would be if you’re born in the late 1880s and travel in covered wagon as a child and then when you’re very old in 1969 you see a man walk on the moon on tv
— grace (@agneswickfields) May 22, 2024
#11
i love the temporary camaraderie of a flight. like yes, stranger at the window seat, i will take your biscoff wafer wrapper and toss it into the flight attendant’s trash bag. for this brief moment in time we are in community and we will help each other as best we can.
— Clara (@colormeloverly) May 22, 2024
#12
my friend: i really need your advice
— kim (@KimmyMonte) May 19, 2024
me, ordering several things online i can’t afford while eating a block of cheese: yes ofc you’ve come to the right person
#13
My husband saw a rabbit in our yard eating grass and said “That would be like sitting in a field of french fries.”
— SpacedMom (@copymama) May 20, 2024
#14
doctor asked me when my last pap smear was and i had to pull out my phone and google “ray liotta death” because i knew it was on the same day
— 🦫 ᔕᗩᖇᗩᕼ 🦫 (@rodentsheriff) May 22, 2024
#15
Gardening seems so relaxing until you try it and realize it’s grueling, filthy, buggy, disappointing, you’re terrible at it, and nature hates you. But alas, here you are again, you delusional fool, elbow deep in spring dirt, declaring “I think this is my year for pumpkins.”
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) May 20, 2024
#16
One time at a party this girl and I realized we were wearing the exact same jeans, but mine were a little too big for me and hers were a little too small for her. So we went to the bathroom and traded. Both fit perfectly. Very professional, we didn’t speak the rest of the night
— 🌥️sydney (@mornings0da) May 19, 2024
#17
Being a lawyer is so funny because someone will have their dog off the leash at a park, barreling towards my dog, and jog screaming "oh, he's friendly" and I'll scream back "And you have strict and total liability if he isn't" and suddenly they turn into Usain Bolt
— 🏃♀️⚖️ (@CanPanicNow) May 20, 2024
#18
I don’t know why Apple is charging me 7.99 , 3.99 and 10.99 and I will never know. frankly that is none of my business
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) May 23, 2024
#19
Controversial opinion: vanilla is the best ice cream flavor.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) May 21, 2024
#20
I see Careful – Student Driver signs in cars, how about Careful – Over 50 Driver. I can’t see in the rain or at night. I’m not even sure I should still be allowed to drive.
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) May 23, 2024
#21
My daughter had a before school donut party for track and an after school ice cream party for orchestra so I asked her if she had anything else coming up?
— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) May 24, 2024
My 10 y/o as he walks by… “Diabetes probably.”
#22
When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little mysteries you get to solve later
— meghan (@deloisivete) May 23, 2024
#23
Well, now I NEED to go paint some bricks to look like little books for my front garden pic.twitter.com/C3BiZm0q8a
— Emilee Honey 📚 (@emhoneyreads) May 21, 2024
#24
Yesterday I asked a young female Co-op employee “excuse me do you sell WD40?” and she looked at me so incredulous I thought she didn’t really work there. I said “oh I’m sorry – aren’t you working at the moment?” She said “No. I am. I just don’t know what that is.” I laughed. She…
— Jean Hatchet (@JeanHatchet) May 21, 2024
#25
2 hours of cooking just to eat in 10 minutes and now I've gotta wash everything pic.twitter.com/qjvrrp9SkH
— Jenni (@hashjenni) May 21, 2024