The women of Twitter never fail to make me laugh with funny and relatable quips.
Here’s a quick little round-up of some of my favorite tweets from women this week.
Hope these help you start the weekend off with some smiles!
Janene
#1
it would be so cool to look hot with a middle part instead of looking like a young colonial man running late for his blacksmith apprenticeship
— kenzi (@kenzianidiot) January 14, 2024
#2
How long will it take me to learn that I can not sit down when I’m cleaning my house. I will not get back up.
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) January 15, 2024
#3
No one ever told me how much of my life I’d spend pretending to look at random items in a food aisle while waiting for someone to move their
— Christine Obert (@cdpsolutions1) January 20, 2024
shopping cart out of the way.
#4
Thinking ab the time I told one of my kindergartners he was on my last nerve and he said thoughtfully “well how many do you have”
— maddie, hot dog enthusiast (@damnitmadeline) January 14, 2024
#5
Something we don’t talk about enough when it comes to crockpot recipes is making sure you plug in the crockpot before turning it on
— Taylor Schumann (@taylorsschumann) January 17, 2024
#6
At least the first 6 months of January is almost over.
— WhatserName (@IamEveryDayPpl) January 17, 2024
#7
I know social media can be a terrible hell pit but someone on a local FB group posted on Monday that his parrot Susan had escaped. Today someone posted ‘Has anyone lost this parrot?’ and everyone was replying ‘It’s Susan!’ Now she’s home and you’ve never seen a happier FB group
— frances quinn (@franquinn) January 17, 2024
#8
Chefs on tv are always saying “these are all things you already have in your pantry” and like, sorry, no.
— Claire St. Olafian (@clairebearian) January 17, 2024
#9
Me: *eating a breakfast bowl with turkey sausage and egg whites* hmm only 270 calories
— Heatherhere ☃️ (@Heatinblack) January 19, 2024
Also me: *sprinkles half a cup of shredded cheese on top* that’s better
#10
It's amazing how much I accomplish around the house under the threat of someone coming over
— Helleanor Rigby (@Mom_Overboard) January 18, 2024
#11
They need to put whatever makes you couch sleepy into a mattress or pillows or something
— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) January 12, 2024
#12
Them: what could go wrong?
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) January 13, 2024
Me, who has overthought and imagined 56 different horrible scenarios: it’s my time to shine
#13
Age is just a number….that now takes a really long time to scroll to.
— Wisecracking Blonde (@RoobsC) January 14, 2024
#14
I do unfortunately believe that if I can’t have a bit of chocolate every day I might as well be dead
— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) January 15, 2024
#15
This couch feels like imma fall asleep and wake up in 2 hrs just to do the walk of shame to my bed
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) January 16, 2024
#16
I know it's a running joke that dads are obsessed with turning the thermostat down, but I'm currently living in my parents' house because my dad is unwell and he fiddled with the thermostat using his phone app FROM HOSPITAL.
— Kat Arney (@Kat_Arney) January 18, 2024
#17
eating soup with crusty bread and butter: this is wonderful, what a good time I’m having
— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) January 18, 2024
eating soup when the crusty bread and butter is finished: I’m suddenly bored
#18
Me: finally drifting off to sleep
— Pru (@prufrockluvsong) January 16, 2024
The alarm: you're not gonna believe this
#19
I just now noticed that my Charmin toilet paper has scalloped edges when you tear it.
— Karen Percy 🎶🎤 (@KarenPercy1) January 16, 2024
I don’t know who decided we needed that but it’s bougie as hell pic.twitter.com/sDqiqm3qZD
#20
I (very passively) commented on how I liked the spoons at Benihanas to my mom and later she sends me this pic.twitter.com/w8gpMzhDug
— erin🦋 (@erinmhk) January 19, 2024
