The women of Twitter never fail to make me laugh with funny and relatable quips.
Here’s a quick little round-up of some of my favorite tweets from women this week.
Hope these bring some smiles to your day!
Janene
#1
On my way home from work, I ran after this bus. I ran so hard people started cheering me on, & the bus driver waited for me. When I hopped on the bus, everyone started clapping.
— I Am Huwa (@heyhuwahere) October 30, 2024
I was 5 seconds in when I realised it was going the wrong way 🥹. I waited 3 stops before getting off.
#2
Who else gets a random burst of motivation, like, “I’m turning my whole life around starting NOW!”… then 20 minutes later, you’re on the couch like, “Actually, tomorrow sounds better.”
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) October 30, 2024
#3
Humans were not meant to have this many passwords
— pms princess (@princxssmaddie) October 29, 2024
#4
“We don’t eat Halloween candy for breakfast!”, I remind my kids before they leave for school and I eat the Halloween candy for breakfast
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 1, 2024
#5
kids are so funny. i complimented a little girl who lives in my building on the princess costume she was wearing & her sister immediately goes “i’m eating an apple” and i had to be like “omg yum!”
— chase (@_chase_____) October 27, 2024
#6
people ask me if i feel safe in nyc and i’m like no, there’s always a small chance you might encounter middle schoolers on the train right after school lets out
— Pastrami Mommy (@Ewelannawhite) October 28, 2024
#7
Someone asked if my niece was my sister and the look of pleasure on my 40 year old face was matched only by the look of horror on her teenage face
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) October 27, 2024
#8
I forgot that it was Halloween, and I showed up to the library to see one of the library workers dressed as a hot dog. I was like, "Good for him for living his best life."
— Ruth Buchanan 📖 (@RuthMBuchanan) October 31, 2024
#9
Online shopping picture description: “Model is 5’10”wearing a size 2.” perfect thanks super helpful.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) October 30, 2024
#10
I just tripped over my son’s train set and asked him not to leave it in the middle of the floor. He said I should have been paying attention and then immediately turned around and tripped over the train set.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) November 2, 2024
#11
The walk of shame, but it’s just me bringing all my empty candy wrappers to the trash can so I don’t have to look at what I’ve done.
— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) October 31, 2024
#12
I might start telling people I’m 10 years older than I actually am just so they can tell me how great I look for my age.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) October 29, 2024
#13
There's a new guy at work named Wayne Bruce, and I said, "Ah, Manbat, my old nemesis."
— Dzintra – Author (@DzintraSullivan) October 29, 2024
Nobody got it.
My talents are wasted there.
#14
Watching Unsolved Mysteries and getting mad when they don't solve the mystery at the end
— nice things I say to myself (@meantomyself) October 26, 2024
#15
Sometimes my inside voice shows on my outside face
— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) November 2, 2024
#16
My husband who is obsessed with olive oil told me he is going to an olive oil tasting event at work. I was a bit surprised that his work was having an event perfectly tailored to him and then he shared that he’s the host 😆
— Jennifer (@jenrazzle) November 1, 2024
#17
student this morning told me his stomach hurt so I asked if he wanted to go to the nurse and he goes “no it might be my own fault, I ate 23 pieces of candy this morning”
— Sarah (@skg_18) November 1, 2024
yeah that might just do it
#18
If you use your phone flashlight to illuminate your bill in a restaurant, you are my people.
— Paige Randall (@ThePaigeRandall) November 2, 2024
#19
I was taking some photos of my kids being cute in the library, when this Polish grandmother came up to me and said, "You sit. Give me phone. There are never photos of Mama," before proceeding to take a bunch of photos of me sitting and reading with them. I'm not crying; you are.
— Zoe T-haunt-ed (is that a thing?) 👻🎃 (@MissMarkillie) October 26, 2024
#20
Coming soon to a living room near you . . . pic.twitter.com/biHQDmik4j
— Windy101🇨🇦🇺🇸🇺🇦🐾🐾🐾 (@hey_butter) November 1, 2024
