The women of Twitter never fail to make me laugh with funny and relatable quips.
Here’s a quick little round-up of some of my favorite tweets from women this week.
Hope these bring some smiles to your day!
Janene
#1
Me, having purged toys and cleaned extensively, relaxing in a calm space: 🥰🙏🏼
— girl fieri (@realgirl_fieri) October 20, 2024
My mom, hefting a bag over the baby gate: I saw you didn’t have a tape dispenser so I got a 12 pack, here is your 3rd grade lunchbox, and here also is some junk mail for 20% off at Wayfair
#2
i love when i get an email from a brand saying “we miss you!” with no coupon attached. babe, a lot of people miss me, let’s be competitive here
— miss all sunday 🍉 (@scuriiosa) October 24, 2024
#3
I carry a pebble with me to throw at people who start Christmas stuff in October.
— 𝕁. (@jtothet) October 21, 2024
I call it my jingle bell rock.
#4
I thought there had to be another explanation for why they disappear but a repairman just took apart my washer machine AND IT WAS FULL OF LOOSE SOCKS
— Ari Drennen (@AriDrennen) October 24, 2024
#5
One day I will have a husband that I will make tiramisu for. In return he will have to pump my tires to the approximate psi of 34
— canabliss (@canablisss) October 21, 2024
#6
I tried to walk like an Egyptian and now I need to see a Cairo practor.
— 𝕁. (@jtothet) October 20, 2024
#7
“May cause drowsiness” don’t threaten me with a good time.
— thought daughter (@buhlebathabile) October 25, 2024
#8
I don’t understand people who can fall asleep immediately. When do you do all your panicking and overthinking?
— Shannon (@gardengirl125) October 26, 2024
#9
I just caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I guess my personality is going to have to do all the work again today
— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) October 23, 2024
#10
Finally adjusting to the sun setting so early….as long as it doesn’t start, say, an hour sooner, I should be okay….
— Meg (@megannn_lynne) October 21, 2024
#11
The older I get the more heavily the parking scenario factors into plans.
— Terri Paella Piñata (@terrip38) October 20, 2024
#12 Where does she live LOL??
I don't care how old you are, if you ring my bell on Halloween you're gonna get an entire pecan pie, a peach cobbler, a thermos of bone broth, a package of 15 bean soup, my aunt Joyce's cornbread recipe, a tin of herring, and a pound of peameal bacon.
— Algonquin K Farquhar, Esq (@buddhatree) October 25, 2024
#13
I have a Very Crabby boy in my class, he’s a wonderful child but he has a piece of his spirit that clearly formerly belonged to a 92 year old man. Yesterday one of my girls proclaimed “this is the best day ever!” and he muttered disdainfully “no, it is not even my birfday”
— maddie, hot dog enthusiast (@damnitmadeline) October 26, 2024
#14
Time for me to go buy Halloween candy for the trick or treaters that I will slowly devour over the next week and a half and then complain about having no candy for the trick or treaters
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) October 21, 2024
#15
I could never be a 911 operator. Whenever someone would call I’d be like OMG
— Natalie (@jbfan911) October 20, 2024
#16
It takes more than 15 minutes to caramelize onions and I’m tired of being lied to
— sarah kelly (@thesarahkelly) October 22, 2024
#17
what if we put even MORE islands in the dressing
— pumpkin pie crust (@OrdinaryAlso) October 24, 2024
#18
Good morning, did you have a nice weekend, I ask my 47 open work tabs
— meghan (@deloisivete) October 21, 2024
#19
One of the weirdest things about mid-century media is that TV used to just stop for the night. They'd put up a graphic that said "no more tv, go to bed," and that was it. You didnt even have a phone to look at, you had to read a book or something.
— LB (@looksbizarre) October 20, 2024
#20
I saw my husband open the dishwasher and once he realized it was full of clean dishes he put his hands above his head and slowly backed away like he’d just tripped a wire on a bomb
— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) October 21, 2024
