Another week and and another round of funny and relatable tweets from parents!
Here are some of my favorite quips from this week.
Wishing you all a great weekend!
Janene
#1
Kids, in my day, we had to go to a library and study reference books for hours or days to do school papers.
— Bird Eckler (@Birdeckler) February 1, 2024
Tell me again how “Google is super laggy today.”
#2
Good morning to everyone except the 3yo who turned my light on at 5:30 am and loudly proclaimed he was wearing underwear.
— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) January 29, 2024
#3
The last page on a 5th grade math homework packet should be a number for a free couple’s therapy session
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) January 31, 2024
#4
My teen asked for a sewing machine for her birthday and I’m wondering what’s next, a spinning wheel?
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) January 29, 2024
#5
My daughter keeps exclaiming, “What in tarnation?” when something surprises her. It’s cute but a little like living with a 3rd Grade Yosemite Sam.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) January 31, 2024
#6
7 had questions about periods so I answered as best as I could and when I told her they happen every month, she burst into tears which is the appropriate response.
— Marissa 💚❄️💛 (@michimama75) January 26, 2024
#7
My 2yo: “I won’t do it again.”
— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) January 29, 2024
Narrator: He did it again. Almost immediately.
#8
Instead of saying “Good morning,” my wife and I go straight into explanations of how badly we each slept.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 1, 2024
#9
How do I explain to my 19 month old that a seahorse doesn’t say “neigh?”
— Mumnipotent Ruler (@MumOfTw0) January 31, 2024
#10
welcome to your 50s, you now read the the welcome to your 30s and 40s tweets with a sense of nostalgia
— 🌜🤷♂️ Dad Moon Rising 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) January 31, 2024
#11
It would not surprise me if Punxsutawney Phil announced six more weeks of January.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 1, 2024
#12
My daughter asked me if tv was in black and white when I was born in the 1900s so if anyone needs her she’ll be in her room til June.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) February 1, 2024
#13
I found my 6yo at the dining room table drawing a picture.
— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) January 30, 2024
Me: “What are you drawing?”
6yo: “I’m making something for my sister.”
Me: “Awww, you are? That’s so nice. What is it?”
6yo: “A sign that says DON’T TOUCH MY STUFF.”
I figured it was too good to be true.
#14
5yo: dad don’t read my journal it’s private!
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) February 2, 2024
The journal entry: I love zebras
#15
Thoughts & prayers for my son who thought his phone was charging overnight only to find he must go to school on 6%.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 2, 2024
#16
There are three certainties in life:
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 2, 2024
1) Death
2) Taxes
3) No matter how large the order, your Chinese take-out will always be ready in 15 minutes
#17
I am an awesome mom for making cookies with my kids, I say to myself, as I stand in the kitchen eating them all
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) February 2, 2024
#18
I wonder how many times Mary and Joseph were late for temple because toddler Jesus wanted to do his sandal straps all by himself?
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 28, 2024
#19
Was complaining to my mom about my kids and she reminded me that the day I got my driver’s permit I ran over her foot on her birthday and I feel like she’s making this about her.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) January 31, 2024
#20
As a reward for good grades my 9yo got to pick tonight’s restaurant so we are headed out for some fine dining at The 24 Hour Donut King.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) February 1, 2024