Another week and and another round of funny and relatable tweets from parents!
Here are some of my favorite quips from this week.
Wishing you all a great weekend!
Janene
#1
Me: “Wait why am I cleaning I didn’t make any of these messes??”
— Shannon descended into hell, & there God upheld me (@JessupShannon) January 14, 2024
7 year old daughter: “Well you made Us, and We made the messes, so technically you made All these messes.”
#2
My 3yo, who has to have everything read aloud to him, opened a fortune cookie tonight that said, "The path to success lies in taking a bath without fussing or throwing water out of the tub and getting out nicely with no crying." what are the ODDS
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) January 14, 2024
#3
It's so cold that one of the teens at the bus stop is wearing pants.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 18, 2024
#4
My 3yo was home for a snow day and I was in a meeting on Zoom. My 3yo started yelling at my boss, “Stop talking over my Mommy! Listen to my Mommy!”
— The Mom Hack (@TheMomHack) January 17, 2024
He actually wasn’t talking over me and thankfully I was on mute but DAMN does this girl have my back
#5
Reasons why my 2 y/o cried this week:
— Dadof2Boys (@Dadof2crazyboys) January 18, 2024
-His brother walked out of the room
-I gave him 1 piece of cheese and not 2
-Our dog was peacefully sleeping
-My wife hugged me
-I wouldn’t let him outside without boots on during a snow storm
#6
My dad told my daughter she was the best duster ever then leaned in to me and whispered “if you tell kids they’re amazing at the chore they don’t bitch about doing it” and suddenly I’m questioning if I really was the most amazing weed-puller he ever saw
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) January 18, 2024
#7
I caught my 6-year-old trying to hide a banana peel to save it for later because he wants to make a craft with it “maybe next week.”
— Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) January 18, 2024
#8
My son has a friend who just shows up at our door and knocks to see if he’s home. No texting. No calling. Just showing up like we used to back in the 80s. It’s my favorite.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) January 15, 2024
#9
Me: Goodnight sweet girl.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) January 15, 2024
9: Tomorrow I need to dress like Martin Luther King Jr. for my biography.
#10
fruit stripe gum is being discontinued after 50 years. i'll forever remember you as the most exhilarating 11 seconds of flavor in my life.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) January 12, 2024
#11
My 3yo watched Frozen while she was home for a snow day and said to me shortly after, “You can’t marry a man you just met” so let’s give a big round of applause to Disney for handling this important life lesson
— The Mom Hack (@TheMomHack) January 18, 2024
#12
My 10yo asked what the point of a phonebook was and as I explained it the room transformed into a prehistoric scene and a pterodactyl flew overhead.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) January 18, 2024
#13
the school sent my 7yo home with a recorder and she is foregoing learning actual songs so she can “perfect her police and ambulance siren sounds” god help me
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) January 16, 2024
#14
It turns out that when you're asked which kid is your favorite, you're expected to pick from your own. I know that now.
— John Paul (@IAm_JohnPaulAF) January 18, 2024
#15
*at the end of a 3 day weekend*
— The Mom Hack (@TheMomHack) January 16, 2024
Me: I will miss the kids when they go back to school tomorrow, I wish we had more time
The universe: here is a snow delay
Me: no, not like that
#16
My toddler was angry I wouldn’t let him have a popsicle for dinner, so he drew a picture of me surrounded by hot lava. 😂 pic.twitter.com/rPgF9R1rGZ
— Steven Johnson II (@cigar_sessions) January 18, 2024
#17
Sorry we're late! My 3yo found a stick and had to whack every single clump of snow we encountered on the sidewalk, and rather than risk the wrath of a preschooler I have thrown myself upon the mercy & sympathies of an Adult who is capable of Reason
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) January 18, 2024
#18
Every conversation with a child getting ready for school in the winter ends with a parent yelling, "FINE, THEN FREEZE."
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 12, 2024
#19
Me: Did you see the scissors that I had here?
— Be Kind Of Witty (@bekindofwitty) January 13, 2024
4: Maybe someone put them in my room so they could cut stuff.
#20
People love to tell you to limit your kids screen time but what they don’t tell you is that this is the consequence of a 15 year old watching too much British baking competition. pic.twitter.com/UCIWA96hOq
— SlowBreak (@AverageJer) January 14, 2024
