20 of the Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

My 4yo screamed at the top of his lungs at 6:45am this morning, we are staying at my in laws, so I said “I’m not sure everyone likes it when you scream like that.” Then, from the other side of the room, my 18mo who last week could barely say 10 words, “Winnie like it”

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) August 28, 2024

Someone left an anonymous love note on my daughter’s desk and the first thing she did was put it in a ziploc baggie so she can get DNA and fingerprints

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) August 27, 2024

My 3 yo used a sharpie today to draw stripes on herself because she "wanted to be a bee".
So she's covered in ink, Nevin snaps a picture and sends it to my inlaws.
My MIL, a retired preschool teacher :
"Well the lines are pretty evenly spaced! Good fine motor skills!"
🤣🤣🤣

— Louise Lorent 🦬🦬 (@LorentLouise) August 27, 2024

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but the worst thing you can do when you notice your kids are playing nicely together is telling them that you like how they’re playing nicely together.

— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) August 26, 2024

What wine pairs with teaching your kid how to parallel park?

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) August 29, 2024

my wife said she’s going to borrow a bee suit from her coworker to try and get rid of this colony of yellowjackets we have been fighting all summer and my eight year old replied “that’s ridiculous….bees aren’t just going to not sting you because you look like one of them”

— m@thew (@TweetPotato314) August 28, 2024

my son has been a middle-schooler for 1.5 days, he has said “skibbidi” at least 500 times

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) August 27, 2024

My 3yo doesn’t look much like me but she just excitedly yelled “it’s gonna be SOUP SEASON!!!” so yes I’m sure she’s mine.

— girl fieri (@realgirl_fieri) August 30, 2024

Here's a little song I wrote about my wife trying to get ready for work while my daughter is getting ready for school it's called "Two Women Screaming at Each Other in the Bathroom at 6 AM" and a one and a two

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) August 28, 2024

Made it to that age where I start seriously thinking of giving pickleball a try.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 26, 2024

For the first half of my life, I thought you could only poop at home. Now I know you can poop anywhere

– my 5yo, unprompted

— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) August 26, 2024

My kid’s teacher gave her a packet of loose confetti that she’s supposed to put under her pillow during the first week of school, and I don’t understand why her teacher already hates me so much

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) August 27, 2024

My baby was pulling on me and yelling “mama!” And my 4yo was also calling for me across the room and I didn’t know what to do and finally the 4yo goes “mama! Just break through!!!!” and I can’t stop laughing. Just break through. 😂😂

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) August 26, 2024

“Since we just did something you wanted to do, can we do something we want to do now?” – my 6 year old daughter as we exited the circus

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 25, 2024

My teen has informed us that when she has kids, she’s going to limit screen time, take them hiking, teach them how to raise chickens and milk cows, demonstrate the value of work.

This is the same kid who won’t take her shoes upstairs

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) August 27, 2024

I never thought I’d have to hide Scotch tape in obscure places, but this is what parenting does to you, people.

— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) August 26, 2024

Me: [trying to put on my socks]

Apple Watch: Would you like to log this workout?

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) August 30, 2024

🥹🥹🥹 pic.twitter.com/4veaCo66Rr

— Graci Kim (@gracikim) August 26, 2024

my daughter made her own jeopardy game but could only think of one topic 😂 pic.twitter.com/KoTOsstqWa

— todd dillard (@toddedillard) August 30, 2024