Another week and and another round of funny and relatable tweets from parents!
Here are some of my favorite quips from this week.
Wishing you all a great weekend!
Janene
#1
Buy four bananas, and they'll be devoured in the same day with complaints you didn't buy enough bananas. Buy 12 bananas so there's plenty for everyone, and you'll wind up with 12 brown, rotting bananas.
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) September 29, 2024
#2
My two-year olds have reached the age where they can remember when I’ve told them that we’ll do something “later” and I don’t want to overstate it but I’m pretty sure this is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.
— Aaron Hoyland (@aaronhoyland) September 28, 2024
#3
Having a nice dinner with the family and my son asked me "Truth or dare?" so obviously I chose truth as the safer option, and he said "Who do you have a crush on aside from Dad?" and everyone went silent and stared at me accusingly.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) September 29, 2024
#4
My 5yo: WHY DID I NOT GO TO THE FUNERAL?
— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) September 28, 2024
Me: Well, you would have had to be quiet for an hour.
5: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I AM REALLY NOT GOOD AT THAT.
#5
4yo: Can I have a snack?
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) October 3, 2024
Me: Okay. What would you like to–
4yo: I am finking I would like some CREAM PUFFS and a cup of CHOCOLATE MILK. And CHEESE BALLS and HOT CHOCOLATE to make me WARM. And a FRENCH TOAST STICK–
Me: I was thinking a graham cracker.
4yo: WELL I WAS NOT.
#6
Inventor of Triscuits: What if you could eat wicker furniture.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) September 28, 2024
#7
Sleep when the baby sleeps, eat when the baby eats, edit your manuscript when the baby edits their manuscript
— MadScientist (@MadS100tist) September 29, 2024
#8
Toddlers are wild. Imagine fighting someone over eating food and taking naps.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) September 29, 2024
#9
My 5yo is dressed as her approximation a UPS worker and she’s carrying an empty cardboard box while chasing the cat around the house, saying, “Come on, Lola, hold still. I have a delivery for you.”
— Josiah Hawthorne (@JosiahHawthorne) September 29, 2024
#10
Guys night out, but it's just me and my neighbor rolling out our garbage bins at the same time.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) September 28, 2024
#11
Teacher: we need more empty Amazon boxes for our class project
— meghan (@deloisivete) October 3, 2024
Me: finally it’s my time to shine
#12
I slept in until 9:30 this morning. But don't be too jealous because I did it wrong and now I can't look to the left.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) September 29, 2024
#13
#14
Wife asked our 13 year old to carry something upstairs for her
— BowTiedYukon (@BowTiedYukon) October 3, 2024
He said his legs were sore from his football game
She asked “Why are your legs sore? When you ran the ball you got tackled for a loss, you didn’t run anywhere. You went backwards”
Tough in this house
#15
My 6yo announced from the bathroom that he has good news and bad news, how scared should I be
— meghan (@deloisivete) October 1, 2024
#16
my husband legitimately thought we’d use dish soap to wash the baby because “they said to bathe her in the sink and in the commercial they say it’s okay for ducks”
— Soggy Broccoli (@soggybrocoli) September 29, 2024
#17
You guys aren't going to believe this, but we somehow ended up with the cutest baby who ever lived. This is an objective assessment. It's been verified by NASA.
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) October 3, 2024
#18
My 8yo made breakfast* for himself and his younger brother, and I'm so proud
— meghan (@deloisivete) September 29, 2024
*opened popsicles
#19
Drove by a daycare and my 4-year-old said "That's where I used to go." I told her she's never gone to daycare and she asked "Then who took care of me?" and I said "I did" if any parents were wondering if anything they do matters.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) October 1, 2024
#20
My husband said he was gonna run to the gas station and 3 yo said “instead of driving?” 😂
— Nov ♡ (@shivermevembers) October 3, 2024
