Every month I peruse the internet for the funniest, most relatable quips about our beloved pets.
Here are the ones that made us laugh the most in 2024…enjoy!
Janene
#1
imagine you wake up every day in room-sized bed. you are gently lifted from the covers and dressed in warmest sweaters each morning. your favourite foods are brought to you. you have no bills, no job, no responsibilities. but you are a chihuahua, so you are blind with rage.
— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) October 27, 2024
#2
nobody sighs louder than an unemployed, debt-free dog who spends at least 16 hours a day sleeping
— Adam (@adamgreattweet) August 27, 2024
#3
I can't make it into work today, my dog just laid her head in my lap and well, that's that.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) March 5, 2024
#4
“Waffles, it’s not about you,” a man just earnestly said to his beagle at the park
— Laura Bassett (@LEBassett) November 12, 2024
#5
Just met 4 dachshunds in the park called Gary, Steve, Kevin and Dave, and my day improved by approximately 659%
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) April 12, 2024
#6
Maybe dogs tilt their heads at us because they can't roll their eyes.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) March 5, 2024
#7
Sometimes I tell my dog he is a GOOD boy even tho he has def not been a GOOD boy in fact he has been a NAUGHTY boy but who am I to put that kinda negativity into his life
— floorboard (@StruggleDisplay) March 1, 2024
#8
just learned that they put your last name on a pet’s prescription which means there are pharmacists out there who went to school for years just to dispense Zoloft to a Meatball Williams
— thomas 🍌 (@perfectsweeties) April 15, 2024
#9
The thing about my dogs barking is I can never tell if there is a murderer breaking in or if my neighbor closed their car door in the driveway.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 22, 2024
#10
My 6yo likes to put a treat in our dogs bowl every day for being a good boy. My 10yo asked how she knows he was a good boy if she's not home all day. My 6yo with a lot of conviction, "because HE'S A GOOD BOY." I believe her.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) January 11, 2024
#11
I have to show my hands like a blackjack dealer to prove to my dogs that I don’t have any food
— Midge (@mxmclain) August 12, 2024
#12
My dog is really picky on where she poops. For instance, she will only choose a lawn where the homeowner is outside to make eye contact with me.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 27, 2024
#13
My new neighbor apparently has a pair of corgis and I just heard her say “HEY! TAYLOR! BEYONCÉ! GO POTTY OR NO TREATS!” and I may never stop laughing.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) January 20, 2024
#14
every pet owner has a foundational nickname from which 58 other names ripple outwards. the sourdough starter name
— slim riggins (@rigginsslim) May 21, 2024
#15
My dog just let out a sigh like she worked a 12 hour shift, sat in traffic, picked up the 3 kids from daycare, made dinner and just wants 5 minutes to herself
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) September 25, 2024
#16
My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) February 7, 2024
#17
Kid: *spills cereal all over the floor*
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) March 27, 2024
My husband: Can you grab the vacuum cleaner?
Me: Sure *whistles for the dog*
#18
Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.
— Terri Paella Piñata (@terrip38) April 14, 2024
#19
“You let your pets sleep with you?”
— Beth Booker (@itsbethbooker) August 13, 2024
Sir, I would let my animals represent me in a court of law.
#20
Me: *making a turkey sandwich and carefully cutting off the crust*
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) March 8, 2024
Husband: It’s ok, hun. I’ll eat the crust.
Me: This is for the dog.
Husband: Of course it is.
#21
— The Dalbo Dog (@Dalbodog) July 26, 2024
#22
How to pick your new couch color… pic.twitter.com/s9Vq5yWF9o
— Ab Gamble @abgamble.bsky.social (@AbGamble1) June 18, 2024
#23
Labradors – double coated, waterproofed & insulated – were bred from St John’s Water Dogs, carefully selected to retrieve fish from the semi-arctic waters of Newfoundland and Labrador for their fishermen owners.
— Geoff (@kwoade) April 22, 2024
Here are 3 of them, begging to get inside to escape light drizzle. pic.twitter.com/mBIFN07eSj
#24
You think you’ve seen it all and then your 13-year-old blind beagle throws up the French flag in the middle of the night. pic.twitter.com/iNfywwHVfF
— Dr. Mike McClelland 🌈 (@magicmikewrites) February 15, 2024
#25
I applied for a library card in my new hometown, and I thought I attached a photo of my drivers license to prove my address, but as the library pointed out… I accidentally attached a different photo… pic.twitter.com/ZkA8TWwETe
— Kevin Michie (@KevinMichie) April 10, 2024
#26
Latest obsession is this photo of a dachshund at a Renaissance festival in Michigan pic.twitter.com/spc5m57INx
— colette (@colettebernheim) February 26, 2024
