Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

my sister-in-law: sometimes happiness is hard to find.

my 8yo, whispering to me: you should tell her the corner store has blue slurpees.

— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) August 13, 2023

Our friend in New Zealand wished my 8yo a happy birthday the night before her birthday. I tried explaining time zones to her but all she heard is Liz is from the future.

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) August 12, 2023

I’ve been teaching my daughter to sneak candy into the theater, like any good parent would, but when she pulled a pack of deli ham out of her bag I realized I’ve created a monster

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) August 11, 2023

Welcome to your 40s. The DJ at this grocery store is spinning nothing but hits.

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 18, 2023

My kid asked: do caterpillars know they are going to become butterflies or do they just build themselves a coffin and wake up pleasantly surprised? 😳

— Sarah Stankorb (@sarahstankorb) August 12, 2023

Took my 8yo to the museum and she asked if every picture was the Mona Lisa then when we left she made sure to tell the people in line “don’t bother, this museum doesn’t even have the Mona Lisa”.

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) August 16, 2023

My kid asked me to please "be cooler" around his friends and l'm not even cool around MY friends so idk who he thinks he's dealing with

— Deena Lang (@itsdeenalang) August 18, 2023

My 6yo set a 5 min timer and ran from the front door to the living room. She finished before the timer. My 6yo full of pride, "I'm faster than 5 min! I was born to run!"

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) August 12, 2023

My 5-year-old has been digging around in my hair on the back of my head lately and today he finally confessed he’s been “lookin for the eyes.”

— Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) August 14, 2023

PTA room mom: We need some volunteers for the class par—

Me: PLATES AND NAPKINS!

— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) August 14, 2023

I don’t normally like to brag about expensive trips but I just got back from the grocery store, getting gas, and signing my kids up for fall sports.

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) August 15, 2023

My toddler asked for 7 cookies. So, remembering he can’t count, I said ok, gave him 2, and everyone was happy.

— MumOfTwo (@MumOfTw0) August 16, 2023

You know you're old when your kid has a teacher named McKinsey.

— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) August 16, 2023

There may be no better conversationalist on earth than a small child who doesn’t want to go to sleep.

— Shematologist, MD (@acweyand) August 19, 2023

PARENTING TEENS:
You're excited to eat the leftovers from dinner yesterday until you find out your son ate it 2 hours after you went to bed last night.

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) August 11, 2023

“Sleep when the baby sleeps.” Oh yeah? While I’m driving?

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) August 12, 2023

Went away for two nights and 5 now says “heart beat” instead of “heart beep” so I would like to to announce I’m never leaving my kids ever again.

— Meg St-Esprit (@MegStEsprit) August 13, 2023

5yo: I’m going to go to work

me: what are you going to do at work

5yo: get a coffee

Nailed it

— meghan (@deloisivete) August 19, 2023

So, for some random reason, 10yo decided to make a Lego toilet yesterday… 😂 pic.twitter.com/uW7kDEB37J

— Tracy Hopkins 💙 (@tracyshopkins) August 12, 2023

Nothing sparks my anxiety quite like seeing my 5yo carrying a black marker pen without a lid

— Lottie-pop 🍭 (@Lottie_Poppie) August 17, 2023