Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

1st week of school: sandwich cut in a cute shape, sliced fruit, encouraging note.

Last week of school: handful of croutons wrapped in foil.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 23, 2023

My mom didn't get in the pool with us growing up, but my children’s grandma is a full-blown mermaid complete with gills, shimmering scales and a tail who plays with them in the water all day.

— The Mom Hack (@TheMomHack) May 25, 2023

My son told me I was too old and out of shape to wear a bikini so now I’m tempted to wear one to pick him up from school just out of spite

— Biggie Taco (@bgschnikelfritz) May 23, 2023

Me: Take some deep breaths. We can make it to the end of the school year.

The school: Don’t forget tomorrow is potluck bake sale fundraiser dress like an octagon day.

— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) May 21, 2023

Toddlers are the best people on earth, I went out to dinner at a diner with my 3yo and when we were done eating he asked the waiter if we had to do the dishes or if he was going to do it.

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) May 21, 2023

I was on the phone with my parents and I brought up how I’m parenting differently than they did, so they became defensive saying “Well, look how well you turned out” and I heard my wife laughing all the way from Target.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) May 23, 2023

My daughter asked me if you have to get married when you’re older and when I told her no she said “good that looks like too much work”

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) May 25, 2023

I was playing doctor with my kid and she prescribed me a potato

— Tada (@krystaunclear) May 22, 2023

5YO: Daddy, did you play Roblox as a kid?

8YO: *Interrupting* He didn’t have Roblox when he was kid. He would just play outside.

*Both start laughing*

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) May 21, 2023

I’m really close to becoming a “bring my own pillow to the hotel” person

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) May 22, 2023

My husband surprised my kid by picking him up early from school to take him to an amusement park and the kid was mad because he was in the middle of a math worksheet. 😂

— nika (@nikalamity) May 23, 2023

IF I CAN’T FIND MY TOOTHBRUSH I JUST USE ANY OF THEM. —my 4yo

— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) May 26, 2023

Just cleared off the table for dinner so I’m sure the kids can go more than two minutes without messing it up again annnd nope they are gluing fresh lime halves into their notebooks. pic.twitter.com/GXkbk2UhDK

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) May 24, 2023

Mid-tantrum, 6yo paused to write MAMA and DADA, then crossed out both words. Shocked by his own cruelty, he crumpled the page muttering “not nice of me.”

— Emily Adrian (@adremily) May 23, 2023

2023 Parents: decorate cars and wait for hours to have a parade to pick up their 2nd grader on the last day of school.

1988 Parents: why aren’t you at school? Did you miss the bus?
Me: school ended last week.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 26, 2023

At the park and my son is playing soccer w/ a child named Kevin. I’ve never met a child named Kevin before. Kinda just thought Kevins only came in adult form…ya know like pigeons

— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) May 22, 2023

My smoke detector just started beeping due to low batteries which is weird because it’s not the middle of the night

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) May 22, 2023

Please send thoughts and prayers to my 4-year-old. Her carrot touched her chicken nugget and I'm just not sure there's any coming back from this.

— The Dad (@thedad) May 25, 2023

Me: *spends an unconscionable amount of energy, time, and money to get my toddler to Miami Beach*

My toddler after being in the ocean for approximately 90 seconds:

“Kinda yucky”

“Bye bye ocean”

“Bye bye ocean”

“Bye bye ocean”

“BYE BYE OCEAN!!!!!!!!!!!”

— emily petrini (@emilykmay) May 26, 2023