Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

Only a few more days of school. We should be able to coast to the end of the school year.

School email: Tomorrow have your kids dress like an 18th century English poet.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 17, 2023

dragging my whiny kids to school we see this mom who had made a walk to school scavenger hunt. I bet my kids that she wasn’t their mom & they were like no mom some moms are actually fun and cool.

Then they called her Aunty Dara and I was like BOOM IN YOUR FACE KIDS

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) May 19, 2023

I just had a second grader do an impression of his dad, which included the statement, “I was born in 1990 and I had to grow up watching black and white tv because color tv wasn’t invented yet.”

Sir. 😑

— Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) May 18, 2023

Marriage is your spouse saying “I don’t like this show anymore” and then you just never find out how it ends

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) May 17, 2023

Any object can be considered a weapon when in a toddlers hands.

— themomessence (@themomessence) May 20, 2023

‘You have a Masters degree’ she reminded herself, trying to make San Francisco out of jello for 3rd grade social studies.

— OyVeyLady (@OyVeyLady) May 15, 2023

‘Since daddy put the baby in your belly, show me where he put it in. *points at my belly button* was it here?’

-my 5 year old at 5:17 this morning.

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) May 18, 2023

[helping my kid with his algebra homework]

Kid: This is so dumb. I’ll never need to use this. Did you ever use algebra after learning it in school?

Me: Yeah, literally right now.

— The Dad (@thedad) May 18, 2023

My kid just yanked out a loose tooth and set it next to the flowers he got me, and is that…is that part of the gift

— meghan (@deloisivete) May 14, 2023

My kid can't just play on a baseball team. Now there is an app. And everyday that app buzzes with messages from moms about how one kid took another kids hat and how we all need to RSVP to practices and I want to die.

— Lyz Lenz (@lyzl) May 18, 2023

My 4-year-old invented a game called “Nap” where she makes me lay down on the couch, puts a blanket over me, and pretends to do things around the house while yelling “IT’S NOT TIME TO WAKE UP YET” every time I move. I don’t know what I did to deserve this gift

— The Dad (@thedad) May 16, 2023

10-year-old: Want to hear some amazing news?

Me: Sure. What?

10: We only have seven days of school left.

Well, my night is ruined.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 15, 2023

me: *minding my own business*

my 5yo: mom, did you know you're the slowest one in this family

— meghan (@deloisivete) May 18, 2023

My son just turned 2 and never stops talking but I can’t understand him 60% of the time, so he says things LOUDER and with more URGENCY.

Today, after saying it 89x, I figured out he was yelling “TWO ARMS!!!!!!!!”

Me: “…you have two arms?”

“YES!”

That was it.

— emily petrini (@emilykmay) May 17, 2023

I was telling my kid about Tarot and she just told me I didn’t need to get my fortune told because, and I quote “what are they gonna tell you, more boring things are gonna happen in your boring life?”

— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) May 18, 2023

Your kid went from 5th grade to 6th grade. Settle down with the graduation parties.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 17, 2023

Y’all. My kids are in the bathroom plotting to stay up until midnight and have NO CLUE I can hear EVERY word of their plan to “sneak into the pantry and eat a ton of sugar”🙄

To be continued…

— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) May 13, 2023

Toddlers will throw their meal all over the floor while looking you in the eye and saying 'oops my food fell down'

— An Apple Hat (@AnAppleHat) May 17, 2023

Took the kids through the automatic carwash. It was the most excited they've ever been. This will be our family vacation from now on. pic.twitter.com/DJXwpQQrZU

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 13, 2023

Parent problems 😂 pic.twitter.com/SyQls9RSq3

— The Best (@Figensport) May 18, 2023