Another week and and another round of funny and relatable tweets from parents!
Here are some of my favorite quips from this week.
Wishing you all a great weekend!
Janene
#1
As I've gotten older, I've become used to injuring myself in stupid, unathletic ways.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 22, 2023
But today I set a new bar: I hurt my knee writing.
I will be taking no further questions at this time.
#2
My daughter apparently submitted a handwritten cover letter and resume to the daycare attached to her school to apply for a job working with the toddlers. She said she has 8 years of experience.
— star•gyal (@beequammie) April 21, 2023
She's 8 years old.
#3
Told a little girl that she needed to learn math for her future career as it’s used in many different fields and she looked me dead in the eye and said she’ll have employees for that
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) April 21, 2023
#4
Number of times I’ve cooked Mac and cheese: 1000
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) April 21, 2023
Number of times I’ve thrown the box and then picked it up from trash to read the instructions: 1024
#5
I think my favorite part of house hunting is you'll find a house you like and it's like "this house cost $950,000, and you have to decide if you want it in the next 35 hours!! GO GO GO!!!" I will take a week to research and decide on a laundry hamper on Amazon but ok
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) April 17, 2023
#6
Ordered new coats for my kids and for convenience I had them shipped directly to their school’s lost and found section
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) April 18, 2023
#7
After school, instead of getting in the back of my van like she usually does, my 12-year-old sat shotgun and said, "This is front seat talk," and oh boy was some tea spilled.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 20, 2023
#8
My daughter showed me a shirt at Target and I asked where the rest of it was; my transformation into my father is complete
— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) April 19, 2023
#9
me: whatcha guys watching?
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) April 15, 2023
10: oh this old timey dinosaur movie
The Land before time. They were watching… The land before time…
#10
Husband: *texting me* Any chance we can skip that dinner party tonight?
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) April 21, 2023
Me: *already in my pajamas* If that’s what you really want.
#11
Not to steal my toddler's MO, but the center of this banana is oddly chewy and thus I cannot continue to eat it
— The Mom Hack (@TheMomHack) April 15, 2023
#12
My almost 3yo knows we are house hunting and he told me “we are going to buy a house with four rooms, one for me, one for Winnie, and then you and Dada can have your own room” He thinks we share a room bc we don’t have enough rooms.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) April 15, 2023
#13
Kids: “Mom watch this. Watch this. Mom. Mama. Mama watch this. You’re not looking. Mom look. Look at me. You’re not looking.”
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) April 18, 2023
Me: merging onto the highway
#14
My six year old is watching a YouTube video about a topic that I happen to have a lot of interest in, and I asked him if he knew that I love this topic. He said, "I don't really know you that much" sir I –
— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) April 15, 2023
#15
When I became I mother I committed to making homemade nutritious dinners. I spent entire days making “kid friendly” bolognese. Recently I’ve given up. I boiled bow tie pasta, defrosted peas, and poured a can of Alfredo sauce. My son, “This is the best thing you’ve ever made.”
— Elizabeth Collins (@raisedbygaysok) April 21, 2023
#16
can’t believe I haven’t been to the gym since covid and also since 2006
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) April 18, 2023
#17
Me: don’t be awkward
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) April 17, 2023
Me: don’t be awkward
Me: don’t be awkward
Barista: enjoy your latte!
Me: you too!
#18
Good morning to everyone except my neighbor who is letting her kid practice the recorder outside.
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) April 22, 2023
#19
My toddler made stink eyes at the carrots on his lunch plate but has no reservations about trying to lick the wall of a Target dressing room
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) April 22, 2023
#20 This is the BEST…
This little girl must be protected at all costs. She is the future. 😭😭😭 pic.twitter.com/OWakbLNbiM
— Charlotte Clymer 🇺🇦 (@cmclymer) April 21, 2023
