Top 20 Funny and Relatable Marriage Tweets in June 2023

I had no plans today. My wife found out and boy did I have a lot of plans today I didn't know about.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 3, 2023

If my wife and I start a movie after 8PM it becomes a two night mini-series.

— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) June 20, 2023

We have 25 people coming over tomorrow for a bbq. 6 moms. 6 dads. 13 toddlers under the age of 4. My husband said if I took our girls out today that he’d ‘get the house ready.’ What did he clean in the 2 hours we were gone? The top of the fridge. He cleans the TOP OF THE FRIDGE.

— Shit I tell my toddler (@Toddler_talkin) June 25, 2023

"I just refilled our bathroom's soap pump, the same day I noticed it was empty…"

-Me, flirting with my wife

— Michael Vogel (@MichaelVogel1) June 23, 2023

My husband may be winning this argument but little does he know I’m about to bring up something he said 10 years that has absolutely no relevance to what we’re arguing about.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 4, 2023

I asked my husband if he likes my new makeup better than my old makeup and he got this panicked look on his face, shouted something about a trap, and I haven’t seen him since

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) June 5, 2023

Sometimes I just sit and admire the gray in my husband's beard, how distinguished it's becoming, and think "I DID THAT"

— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) June 7, 2023

Unloading the dishwasher loudly at 6:30am is the best way to get credit for it

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) June 3, 2023

I know that when my husband gets home late tonight he’s going to eat all the chips so this leaves me with no choice but to eat all the chips first

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) June 7, 2023

There are two types of people: Those who get to the airport four hours early and still worry about missing their flight, and those who think the final boarding call is a good time to go grab Starbucks, and they marry each other.

— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) June 13, 2023

Whenever I hear my wife banging things around in some other part of the house, I know something is my fault or is going to be my fault

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) June 15, 2023

Idk…if IKEA was smart they’d have divorce lawyers set up in the cafeteria just chillin next to the horse meatballs and Smörgåstårta

— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) June 27, 2023

*quietly adjusts thermostat*

my husband from a hotel room 2800 miles away: whatcha doing

— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) June 16, 2023

Mom grocery shopping alone: $130

Mom grocery shopping w/ kids joining: $175

Mom grocery shopping w/ kids & husband joining: $4085

— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) June 16, 2023

We were on a strict schedule to leave the house on time and I asked my husband to give the kids breakfast while I showered, so naturally that was when he decided to take the shutters off the windows and power wash them.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) June 19, 2023

marriage is a sacred union between a person who drinks water and another person who refills their water for them and also their own

— shereen (@shereeny) June 20, 2023

My wife and I decided to tell each other one thing about the other that bothered them. Everything was going great until it was my turn.

— Crac⚡ked (@a_simpl_man) June 3, 2023

Me: “We need to leave here no later than 11am.”

Also me: Showers, gets dressed, gets both kids ready and dressed, teeth brushed, ready to go by 10:50.

Husband: Gets in shower at 10:57

— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) June 22, 2023

My wife texted me this picture of her cart at Costco with the caption, "This is why I always beat you at Tetris." Savage. I think I'm in love. pic.twitter.com/sNPOUoxr2v

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 6, 2023

I opened a new box of cereal before finishing the old one.

My wife hasn't noticed yet.

I'm living on borrowed time.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 23, 2023