Just a quick little round up of some funny tweets I think all middle aged women can relate to.
Hope these bring you some laughs!
Janene
#1
My husband: Eats banana pancakes, walks five blocks, loses five pounds
— Anna (@AnnaDoesntWant2) October 15, 2022
Me: Eats an egg white omelette, walks five miles, looks at husband’s pancakes, gains five pounds
#2
The biggest lie I learned in school was that women reach their sexual peak at 40. All 40yo me wants is to scroll my phone and eat my bowl of mashed potatoes
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) February 6, 2023
#3
Today on Unsolved Middle age Mysteries: Where did this bruise come from?
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 30, 2021
#4
Welcome to middle age. You now get stuck in clothes. Godspeed removing that top without dislocating your shoulder.
— Jacana Mommy (@jacanamommy) July 19, 2023
#5
I never know what to say now when someone asks what I want for xmas: the ability to sleep past 6am, Xanax, some cheese?
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) December 17, 2023
#6
getting old isn’t about age. it’s about genuine excitement to go home and put on soft pants
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) June 6, 2024
#7
Fitness influencer: It’s important to listen to your body.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) February 27, 2024
Body: You're old. And you want lasagna.
#8
My 8yo had the audacity to ask me why I cross my legs when I sneeze.
— Shannon (@ShannonJCurtin) September 11, 2022
You, dude. You are the reason.
#9
Nothing in life prepares you for getting out of a beanbag chair in your 50s.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) September 28, 2020
#10
The most unbelievable thing in movies is when someone guesses the password of a computer that’s not theirs. I can’t even figure out my own password. That I changed yesterday.
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) March 9, 2022
#11
Welcome to middle age. Clean sheet night excites you now.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) August 2, 2020
#12
I ordered a cheeseburger at this burger restaurant and while waiting I saw all these gorgeous, young, much-thinner-than-me women eating salad.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) September 21, 2018
At my middle age, I can say unapologetically that I really enjoyed that cheeseburger.
#13
We need a Disney Princess who’s going through menopause.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) May 25, 2021
#14
If I complain about being out of shape I don’t actually want fitness tips and workouts to try. I just want to complain and remain out of shape. What is wrong with you people.
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) March 6, 2021
#15
12 yr old me: Some old lady yelled at me
— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) October 6, 2021
25 yr old me: Look at that old lady yelling at some poor kid
50 yr old me: I had to yell at some kid
#16
Welcome to your 50s, water now gives you heartburn.
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) March 20, 2022
#17
Welcome to middle age. You can’t remember if you took your pills 10 minutes after you take your pills.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) July 23, 2021
#18
I'm "I get excited when leftovers fit perfectly in the Tupperware container I picked out" years old.
— Mama Babbles… (@mama_babble) June 16, 2017
#19
You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking “I might as well pee while I’m here”
— Christina Novelli (@MissCNovelli) January 20, 2018
#20
Welcome to your 40s – you now think every car has its brights on.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) December 14, 2019
#21
i just want a covered porch so i can sit outside in thunderstorms like an old lady with my coffee and mumble “we needed this”
— Rebecca Mix (Updates) (@mixbecca) May 21, 2022
#22
When did we all decide that women don’t want the second half of the shirt anymore? Did I miss that meeting??
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) February 4, 2024
#23
Once you hit mid-life, you're assigned a potluck dish that will then be yours for all eternity, mine is buffalo chicken dip.
— Veruca's Alt (@AltVeruca) August 1, 2024
#24
I hate this whole "women can be sexy at fifty!” narrative. At what age will society stop demanding I try to be sexy for everybody and just let me turn into an old swamp witch, as nature intended?
— Jax Persists (@LadyJayPersists) September 15, 2024
#25
