20 Priceless Quips From the Funniest 97-Year-Old Great Grandma on the Internet

At 94 years old, I never imagined that i'd ever be new to anything again, but i'm new to Twitter! This is my first Tweetle. This will show my grandson that I can get down with the young ones. The only problem I have, is getting back up again!

— Bryony Burrell (@lifeofbryony) April 10, 2020

If I travelled back in time to 1947 and told my 21 year old self that when she reaches 94 years old she would learn to talk to people all over the world on a tablet connected to a web, my 20 year old self would nod politely and back away slowly from the crazy old lady.

— Bryony Burrell (@lifeofbryony) August 26, 2020

I'm 94 but I feel fifty years younger. I always smile at people. I rarely complain. I often sit in my garden, take a deep breath, look at my surroundings and just feel happy to be alive. To truly enjoy life, look at what you have first before focussing too much on what you want.

— Bryony Burrell (@lifeofbryony) August 10, 2020

I'm 95 today. Luckily I haven't got that many candles on my cake as I would probably not make it to my next birthday if I attempted to blow them out!

— Bryony Burrell (@lifeofbryony) January 24, 2021

My son is complaining that he's too old to mow the lawn. He's only just turned 77! Young people have no stamina nowadays.

— Bryony Burrell (@lifeofbryony) November 15, 2020

I'm 94 years old but my Great Grandchildren think the reason that I'm "Ancient" is because I own a DVD player! 😀

— Bryony Burrell (@lifeofbryony) May 12, 2020

My doctor sent me a text message asking if I need a repeat prescription. I was in the middle of typing 'I'm pretty sure that I still have' when my son rang me, causing me to send the message before it was finished. My doctor now has a message from me that simply says 'I'm pretty'

— Bryony Burrell (@lifeofbryony) September 24, 2020

I have lost count the amount of times people have asked me what I'm doing over the holidays. I will be 96 next month. I'm always on holiday! I will be sitting at home drinking copious amounts of gin! The same as every other day, thanks for asking!

— Bryony Burrell (@lifeofbryony) December 24, 2021

I recently bought a new hearing aid. I haven't told my family that my hearing is much improved, but I have changed my will twice.

— Bryony Burrell (@lifeofbryony) June 3, 2020

Once you reach 94 years old, you have to succumb to the fact that there is nothing better to do than sit in your living room and knit a scarf and by living room, I mean local pub and by knit a scarf, I mean drink a large glass of red wine.

— Bryony Burrell (@lifeofbryony) August 31, 2020

If anybody says that you’re putting too much parmesan on your spaghetti, stop speaking to them. No-one needs that kind of negativity in their life.

— Bryony Burrell (@lifeofbryony) September 21, 2020

My children are only 76 and 77 years old but they act like they're geriatric pensioners. If I was their age again, I would be out dancing. The youth of today sure do complain a lot.

— Bryony Burrell (@lifeofbryony) January 21, 2021

I am trying to sign up on a website to get food delivered, but the calendar to put my date of birth will only go backwards month by month from April 2021 until I reach it. It would be quicker to walk to the local shops than attempt to go back to January 1926 with my arthritis.

— Bryony Burrell (@lifeofbryony) April 25, 2021

My 5 year old great grandson just ran up to me brandishing a photograph of me from 1946. He looked at it, then peered over the photograph at me before exclaiming; 'What happened?!

— Bryony Burrell (@lifeofbryony) July 25, 2021

I am sitting outside enjoying a large gin and the waiter has just spent twenty minutes telling me how much of a toll the pandemic has had on him. I replied " Tell me about it. I'm only 35 years old"

— Bryony Burrell (@lifeofbryony) April 30, 2021

My three year old Great Granddaughter just asked me if she could try some of my Gin. I have just had stern words with her parents and told them in no uncertain terms that this is wholly unnaceptable behaviour. The child must get a job and buy her own Gin.

— Bryony Burrell (@lifeofbryony) December 28, 2020

I don't think anybody on my 94 years on this earth has had as much faith in me more than the waitress at my local Italian restaurant who gave me a single napkin to use whilst eating spaghetti bolognese.

— Bryony Burrell (@lifeofbryony) September 20, 2020

I just burned 2500 calories. That will be the last time that I take a nap whilst baking a chocolate cake!💩

— Bryony Burrell (@lifeofbryony) May 28, 2020

Now that I'm in my nineties, I look back and wish that I'd spent more time in my youth worrying about how much I weighed and what people thought about me instead of enjoying life to the fullest.

If you think that sounds a little foolish, you're quite right! Live and love life.

— Bryony Burrell (@lifeofbryony) September 5, 2020

My Grandson finds it hilarious that when we go out, I eat from the Childrens menu. I am 4ft 9 and shrinking. It's more than enough for me! pic.twitter.com/7gs8yQSfvB

— Bryony Burrell (@lifeofbryony) April 14, 2020