Just a round-up of some of the funniest Fourth of July tweets that I think most Americans will relate to.
Wishing you all a safe holiday…hope these bring you some laughs!
Janene
#1
Me at fireworks: Is this the grand finale? This has to be the grand finale. Is this the grand finale?? This is DEFINITELY the grand finale.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) July 4, 2017
#2
I won't let my kids turn on the stove, but swinging a flaming hot fire-stick sparkler over their head on the Fourth of July, that's fine.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) July 1, 2018
#3
I like that part of America where if you put mayonnaise on potatoes it becomes a salad.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 21, 2016
#4
Before you marry someone, find out if their family drinks mimosas or runs 5ks on holiday mornings.
— TWEETS ABOUT WINE (@wwlwine) October 26, 2019
#5
My Australian friend: We don’t have 4th of July here
— Cooper Lawrence (@CooperLawrence) July 4, 2024
Me: so you just go from the 3rd to the 5th? That’s weird
#6
My neighbors with the fireworks celebrate the twelve days of July 4th.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 3, 2022
#7
I just wish I was the person I thought I was yesterday when I made all these ambitious plans for the 4th of July.
— Mommy Owl (@Mommy__Owl) July 3, 2019
#8
Sweet things my kids said during the fireworks show they waited all week for and we hauled ass to get to:
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) July 5, 2023
When is it done?
Can we go home now?
This isn't that great yet
I'm bored
I don't like these kinds
I wanna go to bed
#9
Don't forget to acknowledge the sad, untouched bowl of Ruffles potato chips left on an outside table at whatever 4th of July BBQ you attend.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) July 3, 2015
#10
You know you bought the right fireworks when the guy running the stand gives you a high four.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 4, 2021
#11
july 4th isnt a real holiday, it was invented in 1994 by old navy to sell t-shirts
— Ben Rosen (@ben_rosen) July 3, 2022
#12
5-year-old: Can we get fireworks this year?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 13, 2017
Me: You almost burned down the house with birthday candles.
5: I got distracted by cake.
#13
We were lighting fireworks in our yard but I got caught up in pointing out the fireworks neighbors were shooting off because they were bigger and louder.
— Cydni Beer (@cydbeer) July 5, 2019
My 9yo said “I don’t know why you can’t be happy with the ones right in front of you.”
It’s been hours and I still feel this.
#14
Apparently my neighbors bought $23,000 worth of fireworks.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 5, 2020
#15
Nobody rages harder for the 4th of July than Old Navy’s marketing communications department.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) July 4, 2018
#16
As I’m in America on the 4th of July I intend to eat an entire hot dog while maintaining eye contact with a bald eagle
— Phil Lester (@AmazingPhil) July 4, 2018
#17
As a parent, I’ll be celebrating Independence Day by attempting to use the bathroom alone.
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) July 4, 2021
#18
I can't wait to see everyone's pictures of fireworks that look like everyone else's pictures of fireworks.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 4, 2019
#19
We have 25 people coming over tomorrow for a bbq. 6 moms. 6 dads. 13 toddlers under the age of 4. My husband said if I took our girls out today that he’d ‘get the house ready.’ What did he clean in the 2 hours we were gone? The top of the fridge. He cleans the TOP OF THE FRIDGE.
— Shit I tell my toddler (@Toddler_talkin) June 25, 2023
#20
I’m not saying she’s destined to be a little extra, but my kid thinks the 4th of July fireworks happen because her birthday is tomorrow.
— Marissa 💚💛 (@michimama75) July 4, 2022
#21
Eating two burgers in a restaurant: greedy, people are shocked
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) April 22, 2023
Eating two burgers at a BBQ: “Is that all you’re having?! Here, have a sausage!”
#22
#23
Me: “Tomorrow’s the 4th of July.”
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) July 3, 2018
6y.o: “The day we get to carry sticks of fire??”
Me: “You mean sparklers?”
6: “Sounds cooler to say STICKS OF FIRE, Mom.”
#24
Me when I hear fireworks at 10:01pm pic.twitter.com/YEvw8TxG3l
— Kevin Finnerty (@timeimmemorial_) July 3, 2022
#25
