Just some funny and relatable parenting tweets to add some laughs to your day!
Janene
#1
My wife taped a $5 to the bottom of a crumpled paper towel and threw it conspicuously in the hallway outside the kids’ rooms.
— Clint Fiore 🦬 DM for Biz Deals (@ClintFiore) August 5, 2024
Whoever picks up a piece of trash without being told to will see it and get instant $$$.
It’s been there for 23 days now. 😫
#3
4:38 a.m.
— Blonde Musings 🇺🇸 (@musings_blonde) August 2, 2024
“Hi mom. Would you like to cuddle in your bed or mine?”
~My 5 year-old, in the confident voice of a waiter asking if I want salad or soup with my meal
#4
You can do so much in 2 minutes.
— Back-Up Tambourine Player (@UpTambourine) February 5, 2025
Just ask my children who, while I was in the bathroom, coated 1/4 of the kitchen with avocado oil.
#5
I try to ask my child questions instead of directly telling him things. I guess he's picked up on it because yesterday a little voice from the back asked me "mama, what is the speed limit here?" and when I failed to take action he followed up patiently, "is 68 bigger than 65?"
— Adriana Porter Felt (@__apf__) August 12, 2024
#6
My child said she wanted to be like me so she put my glasses on top of her head and walked around saying “where are my glasses?!” I feel attacked
— Lottie-pop 🍭 (@Lottie_Poppie) August 6, 2024
#7
“Mommy you need on your cute shirt. That shirt is not cute” – a 3 yo with her sandals on the wrong feet
— Princess (@themultiplemom) August 12, 2024
#8
People complain about having kids but is there really any better way to start your day than listening to two of them scream at each other over whether robot weddings require robot priests
— Emily Zanotti 🦝 (@emzanotti) August 7, 2024
#9
daughter: do I have to brush?
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) October 30, 2023
me: of course! you don’t want your teeth to fall out, do you?
daughter: yes, it’s how I make money
#10
My child is currently having a tantrum because she didn't get to go to the London 2012 Olympics.
— One Any Lover Girl 🇯🇲🇬🇾 (@SmaddyMadda) August 3, 2024
Gentle reader, she was born in 2017.
#11
“It goes without saying-” let me stop you right there. Nothing goes without saying when you have kids. I just had to tell my 4-year-old that putting jello in his shoes would ruin them, for a SECOND time.
— The Dad (@thedad) October 30, 2023
#12
My 6yo told me there's a kid called Mirror in his new class, and I'm not sure if he misheard or that's just where we are with names now
— meghan (@deloisivete) August 6, 2024
#13
Me: *Takes my kids hiking once a year*
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) August 8, 2024
My kids: How come we always have to go hiking?!
#14
I was doing ok financially until my child decided she loves blackberries.
— Marissa 🪴 (@michimama75) August 8, 2024
#15
parents of small children wondering when the early morning wake-ups end, my daughter in college sent an emergency text at 6am because she needs a fly swatter for her dorm, so the answer is never
— 🌜🤷♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) October 4, 2022
#16
80% of parenting is trying not to laugh when you’re supposed to be mad
— Satirical Mommy (@SatiricalMommy) May 18, 2022
#17
My 6yo just popped up out of nowhere and asked for a hammer, so I'm sure that's fine
— meghan (@deloisivete) August 1, 2024
#18
before becoming a parent i didn't know i could ruin someone's life by providing them with food, water, juice, clothes, entertainment and shelter for free.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) November 8, 2022
#19
I think my son planned a birthday party and didn't tell us. These neighborhood kids showed up with presents and came inside and now they're playing.
— Back-Up Tambourine Player (@UpTambourine) February 10, 2025
#20
