Here’s a little round-up of some of the funniest tweets I’ve come across lately.
Hope these bring you some laughs and hope you have a great week!
Janene
#1
I just told my husband in a VERY DISTRESSED tone that I stepped on a slug on my way back inside and I was barefoot and traumatized and he said to me
— emily may (@emilykmay) June 26, 2023
“RODRIGO??? DID YOU STEP ON RODRIGO?”
#2
my three year old asked me to ‘pretend she was 14’ for a minute so i said okay… you’re 14. so what’s your favourite thing to do as a 14 year old? and she replied ‘big girl things… like chopping onions’
— Cardi BTEC (@amelia_perrin) October 26, 2024
#3
I told my 12yr old she wasn't allowed to make pancakes without supervision. So I come back and she's making crepes.
— MonsterKing (@CerromeRussell) October 7, 2023
#4
BREAKING NEWS: Today I used a piece of wood that I kept in my garage since 2006 in case I might need it.
— Lucy 🧸 (@lusstylucy) May 21, 2022
#5
“wow,” said the two-year-old neighbor boy petting one of our cats for the first time, “there are bones in here”
— rachelle toarmino (@rchlltrmn) June 23, 2024
#6
It’s not a true driver’s license picture unless you look like all the happiness has been sucked out of your soul.
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) April 15, 2024
#7
today a client told me, "I'll have to call back. My 4 year old just walked in covered in avocado." and I said, "Holy Guacamole!" and she did not laugh. 🥑
— Joni Baloni 🐈💨 (@kielbasanova) January 25, 2022
#8
#9
My husband threw away my leftover tater tots and I just don’t know how we move on from this.
— Stacey (@skittle624) November 3, 2019
#10
I have a “dry clean only” sweater that is about to learn some harsh truths about living with me
— jordan (@jordan_stratton) March 27, 2019
#11
Instead of premarital counseling, engaged couples should be required to do a premarital home renovation project.
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) June 26, 2023
#12
#13
my whole life consists of people asking me if i’ve seen this movie and me telling them no i haven’t seen that movie and then them telling me i should see that movie and then me telling them i’ll add it to the list but there is no list and i won’t watch that movie
— b (@curseoffeeling) December 20, 2018
#14
We have plumbers working in our house. I just heard one of them say “Lefty loosey, righty tighty.” I know we’re in good hands.
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) April 12, 2022
#15
#16
Sorry, I’m in big trouble with the wife. I sat in a new chair.
— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) May 3, 2019
#17
Why do people say “dream job”? My dream is literally to not have to have a job.
— natalayhehoo (@highprobably1) July 13, 2023
#18
Three little kids walked up to Flame and pet her.
— Blair Braverman (@BlairBraverman) June 18, 2024
"You know," Q said, "you should always ask before you pet a strange dog. Not all dogs are friendly to new people."
The littlest girl stepped forward bravely. "But," she said, "this dog is wearing clothes." pic.twitter.com/ZEyTrltPff
#19
#20
