Here’s a little round-up of some of the funniest tweets I’ve come across lately.
Hope these bring you some laughs and hope you have a great week!
Janene
#1
Wednesday evening giggle..
— karen thompson (@karenfthompson) August 7, 2024
My parents are replacing their coffee machine, which is 7 years old.
Me: that's not that old, I have sheets older than that.
Mother: well perhaps your sheets aren't getting as much action as our coffee machine.
I'm going to need an ambulance.
🤣🤣🤣
#2
My son was mad at me today so he told me as much punishment I had to go to my room and sleep for 24 hours. If I got hungry, he’d bring me whatever food I wanted, but I was not allowed to leave my bed for one whole day.
— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) April 3, 2024
If you need me, I’ll be on vaca-, I mean, in my room.
#3
“OK, THAT’S IT. YOU HAVE LOST YOUR SCOTCH TAPE PRIVILEGES!” I announce loudly up the staircase to whoever can hear me because motherhood turns you into a lunatic.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) August 9, 2024
#4
Google Maps places way too much faith in my ability to find my destination on my left in 800ft
— Helleanor Rigby (@Mom_Overboard) April 8, 2024
#5
My over 6 ft tall, built like a linebacker teen said I was a bad parent for leaving him in the car while I ran into CVS as “someone could kidnap him.” I said I think that’s physically impossible & even if someone did manage to kidnap you they’d return you. Trust me, you’re safe.
— Mommy Needs a Life (@momneedsalife3) November 5, 2022
#6
Our doorbell is broken so we called someone over to fix it. He might be here already. There's no way to tell.
— Emma Beasley🐝 (@JustBeingEmma) August 9, 2024
#7
One time I meal prepped for a week and then ate it all in two days.
— 🥴steph🥴 (@eff_yeah_steph) April 10, 2024
#8
My parenting tip to you is if your kid ever says “taste this” or “smell this” under no circumstance should you do either of these things.
— Mommy Needs a Life (@momneedsalife3) December 2, 2022
#9
No one is filled with more false confidence than I am when I don't write something down because "I'll remember that."
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) April 7, 2024
#10
You should get to leave work early if you feel a chin hair
— Sophie Ross Brooks (@sophrossbrooks) August 9, 2024
#11
One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re taking a sip and saying, “That’s good water.”
— your other mom (@difficultpatty) June 30, 2024
#12
My 14yo asked me to get her ice cream “as a reward for existing,” and honestly? Valid.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) April 4, 2024
#13
Men look so amazing for people who use the same product for their teeth, hair, floor and car washing.
— Maddy 🌨️ (@MadHatterMommy) February 12, 2024
#14
Me: Oh, here’s a great place to store this!
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) April 2, 2024
Also me: Never finds it again.
#15
If I say “we should definitely do that some time” please don’t try to actually set a date and time. Just move on with your life.
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) February 28, 2024
#16
lol – getting pizza slice and the guy in front of me (trying to banter with the cashier) is like “you made mine with extra love right” and the cashier very solemnly and Eastern European accentedly said “it’s made with normal amount pepperoni”
— 🔎Al🔍 (@SweatieAngle) April 12, 2024
#17
I have always smuggled snacks into movie theatres like I’m pulling off an elaborate heist without ever considering that a teenager working for minimum wage couldn’t care less that I brought my own sour patch kids
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) April 12, 2024
#18
One time I was out with a guy and he needed new jeans so he opened up maps and just typed in “pants”
— Kate oh no (@Kateness8) May 25, 2022
#19
Honestly, whenever I say “the other day” it could be anytime between two days ago and sometime in 1996
— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) August 6, 2024
#20
I dated a guy once who told me I should probably lose weight. I lost 185 lbs in 24 hrs. Tune in tomorrow for more weight loss tips.
— Blonde Ambition🧞♀️ (@CrzyCharly) August 11, 2019
