The 20 Funniest Tweets from Parents this Week

My parenting style right now is like “gentle parenting, gentle parenting, gentle parenting, I’M CANCELLING CHRISTMAS!!!, gentle parenting, gentle parenting…”

— Be Kind Of Witty (@bekindofwitty) November 20, 2022

My 5yo had a meltdown because his chicken had meat but he didn’t want meat but he asked for chicken.

And upon further investigation, he wanted bbq chicken not rotisserie. He calls rotisserie “meat chicken”.

I be positive parenting but children don’t be positively childrening.

— Princess | Sleep & Wellness (@themultiplemom) November 21, 2022

8yo: daddy what’s your best talent?

me: hmm I don’t know, maybe being a dad?

8yo: no that’s not it

— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) November 19, 2022

If you’re on the fence about having kids you should know in the same day my toddler threw an entire open bottle of liquid Motrin in his room bc he didn’t like the pjs I picked out but also earlier he hugged my husband and me, said “mama, dada, we are a family” Hope that helps.

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) November 20, 2022

Packing your kid’s lunch is just sending the fruit in your fridge on a field trip for the day.

— Stone (@StoneAgeRadio13) November 20, 2022

Points for creativity to my 7yo who got caught sneaking cookies and tried to convince me she was sleepwalking, at 3pm.

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) November 23, 2022

My 9 year old has wanted to bake a cake for weeks and today after I finished work we finally did it. Being so busy means it’s easy to forget about making memories with my kids – I can tell she loved every four minutes of it before she went to watch TV and left me to do it all

— three time dad 🇺🇦 (@threetimedaddy) November 24, 2022

Out of nowhere, my nephew just asked, “Do you think Pavlov thought about feeding his dog every time he heard a bell ring?” and now I’m going to be haunted by this question

— Jeremy Parish, probably (@gamespite) November 24, 2022

My 5-year-old sat me down to tell me my fortune. She said, "one day, maybe you'll be the best mom in the universe." Not today, tho.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) November 23, 2022

Helping in the kitchen this morning. So far I’ve used 467 paper towels.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 24, 2022

Me, 5 hours before company arrives: Cool, calm, collected

Me, 15 minutes before company arrives: I NEED TO PAINT THE BASEBOARDS

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 24, 2022

I follow a mom on Instagram who has five boys just to see if she survives

— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) November 22, 2022

There are two types of people in the modern age: those who are like, “I downloaded an app for that” and those who are like, “I’ve started churning my own butter.”

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 22, 2022

Spent the last week cleaning and organizing my house for thanksgiving and now I don’t want to let the guests in because my house is clean and organized

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 23, 2022

I feel so bad for this generation of teenagers. The current price of gas is so high, they can't even afford to drive past their crush's house fifty times

— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) November 22, 2022

I folded a slice of pizza in half and ate it and my 7yo said “mommy only ate half a piece of pizza” and with those math skills she will always be my favourite child

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) November 19, 2022

Sorry I didn’t make mashed potatoes. The potato masher was stopping me from opening the drawer.

— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) November 23, 2022

I sent my daughter a text and she responded with “I will look into this. Thank you.” So I guess we’re business associates now.

— Wendy (@_wendyb07) November 24, 2022

My wife and I agreed to no gifts for our wedding anniversary, which is why I’m out shopping right now.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 23, 2022

I’m writing a fantasy fiction novel about a mom that has a cold and her family does things for themselves while she rests.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) November 23, 2022