If you’re feeling like it’s already been a long week, take a little humor break with these 20 tweets that made me laugh.
Wishing you a good rest of the week!
Janene
#1
as kids we were taught that taking anything from the mini bar would bring financial ruin upon our family
— Marlow Stern (@MarlowNYC) September 1, 2024
#2
I’m at the age where I see a huge, beautiful mansion in a movie and think, “How much does it cost to heat that house in the winter?”
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 11, 2023
#3
Sorry, package of toilet paper. I'm only making one trip from the car with these grocery bags, so you're sleeping in the car tonight.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) February 6, 2019
#4
5yo: DO YOU WANT ME TO DRAW YOU A GIRL BIRD OR A BOY BIRD?
— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) March 19, 2024
Me: Um… a girl bird?
5yo: THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GIRL BIRDS AND BOY BIRDS IS–
Me: Hey, babe, we're in the church office, so maybe be a little quieter about–
5yo: GIRLS HAVE EYELASHES
#5
I held the door for an old person today and he was like, “didn’t we go to high school together” and we did.
— Cooper Lawrence (@CooperLawrence) November 8, 2023
#6
Fridge ice dispenser- when you want some ice in your cup but also some on the floor
— Heatherhere 👽 (@Heatinblack) March 4, 2024
#7
When my daughter passed her driving test,she offered to pick me up when I was out having drinks with friends.
— єℓαιηє (@elainesim28) March 9, 2024
On the way home I asked her, “Could we stop at McDonald’s?”
She replied “Been waiting for years to say this……. No we have plenty of food at home!
#8
So I’m making coffee earlier and my phone dings with a new email from Netflix. “You’ve now added a new member slot to your account for $8/mo”. Huh? Confused, I come around the corner to see my toddler holding the remote looking up at the “add a member screen” on the TV. Sigh.
— Aaron Hoyland (@aaronhoyland) November 14, 2023
#9
My 9yo’s carpet cleaning infomercial:
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) October 27, 2023
Spilled smoothie? No worries! Just put a pillow on it and go play basketball.
#10
The year is 2482.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 10, 2024
The human population has been decimated.
Machines have taken over Earth.
A new season of Grey's Anatomy starts.
#11
I let my teens have their friends/ whoever they’re dating over to our house to hang out like pretty much whenever they ask because it causes them to clean our house & their rooms at a standard I wasn’t even aware they were capable of.
— Irreverent Reverend ✊🏼🙏🏼 (@TheAmberPicota) October 23, 2023
#12
My 5 year old son just asked me how I know his name… I'm not in the mood today
— B 🦋 (@isabellayonce) March 13, 2024
#13
Ok so we taught the 1 y/o to say “All done” when he’s finished eating. He is also using it to tell people when he is over hanging out with them, and that’s how I’m going to start using it, too.
— Adam (@YSylon) March 12, 2024
#14
i need one of those jobs they have in sitcoms where it pays my rent but interferes with exactly zero of my social plans or situations
— re: emma (@evemmore) March 15, 2024
#15
banks email like "Ummmmm we have a MESSAGE for you. In your INBOX" and then the message is like "Hello we are your bank"
— steph (@steph_mcca) December 3, 2021
#16
just got destroyed by an 8 year old in monopoly who, at the end, said to me “everything you worked so hard for, i took away, and it made me feel good”
— cass city (@HeavenlyGrandpa) March 10, 2024
#17
taking the amtrak is so fun. when you drive all you see is ugly highways but when you take the train you get to see some guy’s weird backyard
— chase (@_chase_____) November 6, 2023
#18
Just ran in to Best Buy for some cables, the kid at checkout asked for my phone number and zip code. I told him 867-5309 and 90210.
— Harris (@GrandpaHarris65) March 11, 2024
He didn’t question me once.
I felt old.
#19 This is a running joke in my family because every time I visit my parents I pull out like 3 expired salad dressings in their fridge LOL…
I don’t consider myself a daredevil but my adult child who just read expiration dates on the condiments in the fridge begs to differ.
— Terri Paella Piñata (@terrip38) November 7, 2023
#20
daughter: do I have to brush?
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) October 30, 2023
me: of course! you don’t want your teeth to fall out, do you?
daughter: yes, it’s how I make money
