25 Funny Posts For Some Midweek Laughs

why does my chipotle app need me to have a password with a capital letter and a number and a special character like this is not the department of defense i just want a burrito 😭

— emily may (@emilykmay) May 11, 2024

5yo: DO YOU WANT ME TO DRAW YOU A GIRL BIRD OR A BOY BIRD?
Me: Um… a girl bird?
5yo: THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GIRL BIRDS AND BOY BIRDS IS–
Me: Hey, babe, we're in the church office, so maybe be a little quieter about–
5yo: GIRLS HAVE EYELASHES

— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) March 19, 2024

Sorry, package of toilet paper. I'm only making one trip from the car with these grocery bags, so you're sleeping in the car tonight.

— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) February 6, 2019

as kids we were taught that taking anything from the mini bar would bring financial ruin upon our family

— Marlow Stern (@MarlowNYC) September 1, 2024

Fridge ice dispenser- when you want some ice in your cup but also some on the floor

— Heatherhere 👽 (@Heatinblack) March 4, 2024

the way the gym is so busy at 10am needs to be studied. like yeah I’m not at work but why are YOU ALL not at work

— em (@emilybastow_) April 24, 2025

When my daughter passed her driving test,she offered to pick me up when I was out having drinks with friends.
On the way home I asked her, “Could we stop at McDonald’s?”
She replied “Been waiting for years to say this……. No we have plenty of food at home!

— єℓαιηє (@elainesim28) March 9, 2024

I held the door for an old person today and he was like, “didn’t we go to high school together” and we did.

— Cooper Lawrence (@CooperLawrence) November 8, 2023

“listen to your body” ok well my body wants to lay down and eat snacks 14 hours a day

— grace 🤝 (@debtbarbie) April 21, 2025

I let my teens have their friends/ whoever they’re dating over to our house to hang out like pretty much whenever they ask because it causes them to clean our house & their rooms at a standard I wasn’t even aware they were capable of.

— Irreverent Reverend ✊🏼🙏🏼 (@TheAmberPicota) October 23, 2023

daughter: do I have to brush?

me: of course! you don’t want your teeth to fall out, do you?

daughter: yes, it’s how I make money

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) October 30, 2023

Someone said they liked my lipgloss today and I didn’t have the heart to tell them it was butter from all the toast I just ate

— Lottie-pop 🍭 (@Lottie_Poppie) May 7, 2024

i need one of those jobs they have in sitcoms where it pays my rent but interferes with exactly zero of my social plans or situations

— re: emma (@evemmore) March 15, 2024

banks email like "Ummmmm we have a MESSAGE for you. In your INBOX" and then the message is like "Hello we are your bank"

— steph (@steph_mcca) December 3, 2021

Just ran in to Best Buy for some cables, the kid at checkout asked for my phone number and zip code. I told him 867-5309 and 90210.

He didn’t question me once.
I felt old.

— Gramps (@GrandpaHarris65) March 11, 2024

taking the amtrak is so fun. when you drive all you see is ugly highways but when you take the train you get to see some guy’s weird backyard

— chase (@_chase_____) November 6, 2023

This is how people become cat people. pic.twitter.com/8Ci4vDAlWu

— Posts Of Cats (@PostsOfCats) September 17, 2024

My 79 year old mother just casually told me she got kicked out of an Applebee’s last Wednesday and I cannot ask enough questions fast enough.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) April 27, 2025