If you’re feeling like it’s already been a long week, take a little humor break with these tweets that made me laugh.
Wishing you a good rest of the week!
Janene
#1
Actual email I sent Bella’s pre-school teacher at 7:30 this morning:
— Jason Kander (@JasonKander) December 12, 2024
Diana is on a work trip. Bella is wearing a dress that is too big. She insisted and because I’m on day 4 of solo parenting, she has broken my will to resist her.
#2
Really I’m pretty low maintenance, I just need 17 hours of alone time every morning, constant reassurance from everyone in my life that they’re not mad at me, and $150 worth of little treats every single day and I’m good to go
— Jonathan Edward Durham (@thisone0verhere) October 8, 2024
#3
3 year-old drinking a carbonated soda: “It’s like a bunch of really tiny people punching me in the tongue!”
— Barlow Adams (@BarlowAdams) November 18, 2023
#4
It’s OK to eat junk food in the car on road trips because calories don’t count at highway speed. I don’t have time to explain the science behind this, but it’s sound.
— John Lyon (@JohnLyonTweets) February 1, 2023
#5
i hate when i’m telling a story and someone tells me to “get to the point.” can’t you see i am taking the scenic route
— trash jones (@jzux) December 7, 2023
#6
My phone should just know if the passcode is entered incorrectly the first 3 times then it’s definitely me.
— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) November 7, 2023
#7
4yo: Hey Mom! I’m going to go to my room to start my time out.
— Cydni Beer (@cydbeer) October 24, 2020
Me: Wait… what did you do?
4yo: I’m in my room now. When you see it let me know how long my time out is.
#8
It’s been 0 days since a member of family who claims to love me unplugged my phone to charge their own device.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) March 18, 2022
#9
I told a teenager today I used to get 10 CDs for a penny in the mail, and I'm not sure if she thinks I'm lying about what a CD was, what a penny is, or what the mail is or all three.
— Eric Alper 🎧 (@ThatEricAlper) November 21, 2023
#10
I’ve never felt more understood than when my 7yo climbed into my bed, heard his dad snoring like a chainsaw and went right back to his own room
— Anna (@AnnaDoesntWant2) November 16, 2023
#11
“Ooohhh is that a charcuterie board?” -my 8 year old having a much different childhood than I did
— Marissa 🪶🌿🪻 (@michimama75) December 21, 2024
#12
I have to frame a large poster but I'm hesitant to bankrupt my family for generations.
— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) January 12, 2024
#13
Staying with my MIL. She’s trained crows to ring a bell in the morning when they’re ready for their tiny peanut butter sandwiches she makes them. I’m not sure there’s anything else to say.
— Katy Goforth (@MarchingFourth) April 27, 2023
#14
when i say “i’ll call you later” i mean later on in life not today
— 10|25🎀✨ (@urfavbraceeface) December 26, 2024
#15
THEM: please don’t take this personally
— Jonathan Edward Durham (@thisone0verhere) July 28, 2023
ME: best I can do is immediately take it extra personally
#16
Don't be upset about aging.
— The Real Rodney Lacroix (@RealRodLacroix) January 10, 2024
Instead, embrace the ability to use excuses like "I can't drive at night" for getting out of leaving the house.
#17
11: dad I have a confession
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) December 15, 2024
me: oh boy. What.
11: last night before you said it was bedtime I made a plate of nachos and put them under my bed. Then I ate them after bed time
me: 😂 how did you get your brother not to tattle?
9: I paid him off in nachos
#18
job applications are so stupid. "what's ur desired salary?" ten billion dollars next question
— ⚡︎ (@_sorrengailll) March 24, 2026
#19
My dog failing puppy school and not being able to walk with the rest of her class at graduation is still the funniest shit ever. The teacher was like “she can always retake the course and try again for her diploma” like my dog gotta get a GED is you serious? 💀
— sisqo’s burner. (@ABCDEFGHIrock) November 23, 2023
#20
To the next generation of kids: good luck finding usernames
— Ramin Nasibov (@RaminNasibov) March 24, 2026
#21
ME: and make mine a double
— Jonathan Edward Durham (@thisone0verhere) November 7, 2024
WAITER: your…your tater tots?
ME: you heard me
