If you’re feeling like it’s already been a long week, take a little humor break with these 20 tweets that made me laugh.
Wishing you a good rest of the week!
Janene
#1
Buying frozen pizza is such a lie. “Oh I’ll save this for when I don’t feel like cooking”. Surprise, surprise. Day one. Don’t feel like cooking
— antipodean scourge (@guywhoiswoke) February 25, 2024
#2
my favorite thing about women is there is a hefty portion of us who, if asked, could immediately work for the fbi tracking people with approximately zero information.
— emily may (@emilykmay) December 16, 2023
his first name is john? he works in sales on the east coast? here's his entire family tree.
#3
I like being an adult but tbh my one gripe is the Dishes. oh, the dishes. I am always doing dishes. when this world ends and our sun is nothing but a shriveled, dead star, when the mountains crumble to dust and the oceans dry, there I will stand. doing the dishes.
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) December 18, 2023
#4
I introduced my dad to binge watching and half way through the 5th season of Breaking Bad he declared, 'This is the weirdest movie I've ever seen, it's so long.'
— smerobin (@smerobin) July 6, 2022
#5
"Don't you people have jobs?" — Me yelling at everyone for driving around on a Tuesday afternoon while I'm driving around on a Tuesday afternoon.
— Ben Boven (@benboven1) May 20, 2024
#6
You know what the biggest problem with pushing all-things-AI is? Wrong direction.
— Joanna Maciejewska (@AuthorJMac) March 29, 2024
I want AI to do my laundry and dishes so that I can do art and writing, not for AI to do my art and writing so that I can do my laundry and dishes.
#7
If I'm up at midnight on New Year's Eve it's because I have to pee.
— Just Bill (@WilliamAder) December 30, 2018
#8
I've noticed that parents who go into "Baby Changing Facilities" invariably come out with the same one.
— Jason (@NickMotown) May 20, 2024
Very suspicious.
#9
The craziest thing that routinely happened before cell phones was calling a public place like a restaurant or store and asking to speak to a customer who was currently there. Sounds absolutely insane now.
— microplastics frequency resonator (@DiabolicalSpuds) May 21, 2024
#10
Don’t post your New Year’s resolutions to social media. Two months from now, when you’re elbow deep in a bag of Cheetos, you don’t need anyone asking you how marathon training is going.
— Not the Nanny (@not_thenanny) December 30, 2020
#11
when I met my husband, I said I lived in Brooklyn even though I actually lived in Connecticut, and he said he lived in Brooklyn even though he was really just visiting from Minnesota. But against all odds we came together bc we shared a fundamental value. Lying
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) March 12, 2024
#12
I meant to tidy the house today but I've accidentally just looked at my phone for 8 hours instead.
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) December 22, 2024
Hate it when that happens.
#13
When I was a kid my mom made us “chocolate soup” once and gave it to us in a bowl with a spoon and it was such an amazing treat and like 20 years later I realized it was just hot chocolate and all the cups were dirty.
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) February 18, 2022
#14
I refuse to bookmark a website. I will simply use the far more logical system of keeping 400 tabs open on 32 browser windows until my computer crashes and I can finally be free.
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) March 8, 2022
#15
Time for a brisk walk to burn off the 50,000 calories consumed this week. 10-15 minutes should do it. And then… probably a ham sandwich.
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) December 28, 2024
#16
*starts playing on phone during a show
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) December 2, 2020
*misses important scene
*rewinds way too far by mistake
*gets back on phone while waiting for the scene
*misses the scene again
#17
me: I just want 2 minutes of privacy in the bathroom
— meghan (@deloisivete) January 28, 2022
my kid: best I can do is a paleontology lecture
#18
Hello, I’m 48 and I used “their” instead of “they’re” in a text three days ago and I’m still thinking about it.
— Not Today Eric (@NotTodayEric) December 23, 2024
#19
MARIE KONDO: does this empty box spark joy?
— Jonathan Edward Durham (@thisone0verhere) April 27, 2024
ME: yes
MK: and this old iPhone 4 box?
ME: yes
MK: and allll of these Amazon boxes? do they spark joy too?
ME: yes
MK: and this other one over here with all of these smaller boxes inside it?
ME: yes
#20
The only thing that would survive nuclear fallout pic.twitter.com/kOtQnA2rth
— Midwest vs. Everybody (@midwestern_ope) May 15, 2024
