If you’re feeling like it’s already been a long week, take a little humor break with these 20 tweets that made me laugh.
Wishing you a good rest of the week!
Janene
#1
I like being an adult but tbh my one gripe is the Dishes. oh, the dishes. I am always doing dishes. when this world ends and our sun is nothing but a shriveled, dead star, when the mountains crumble to dust and the oceans dry, there I will stand. doing the dishes.
— ellie schnitt! (@holy_schnitt) December 18, 2023
#2
Buying frozen pizza is such a lie. “Oh I’ll save this for when I don’t feel like cooking”. Surprise, surprise. Day one. Don’t feel like cooking
— antipodean scourge (@guywhoiswoke) February 25, 2024
#3
I stopped by a table of Girl Scouts selling cookies. All of the girls had their sashes on and were all smiling and "Wanna buy some cookies," except one. She was eating the cookies, had crumbs all over her shirt and told me, "We've made a thousand dollars today." Icon.
— Jason Diamond (@imjasondiamond) May 20, 2024
#4
I introduced my dad to binge watching and half way through the 5th season of Breaking Bad he declared, 'This is the weirdest movie I've ever seen, it's so long.'
— smerobin (@smerobin) July 6, 2022
#5
"Don't you people have jobs?" — Me yelling at everyone for driving around on a Tuesday afternoon while I'm driving around on a Tuesday afternoon.
— Ben Boven (@benboven1) May 20, 2024
#6
You know what the biggest problem with pushing all-things-AI is? Wrong direction.
— Joanna Maciejewska—Myth-Touched is here! (@AuthorJMac) March 29, 2024
I want AI to do my laundry and dishes so that I can do art and writing, not for AI to do my art and writing so that I can do my laundry and dishes.
#7
One of my favorite yearly traditions is spending $345 on gardening supplies so I don’t have to pay $3 for tomatoes at the grocery store
— Dividend Hero (@HeroDividend) May 21, 2024
#8
I've noticed that parents who go into "Baby Changing Facilities" invariably come out with the same one.
— Jason (@NickMotown) May 20, 2024
Very suspicious.
#9
The craziest thing that routinely happened before cell phones was calling a public place like a restaurant or store and asking to speak to a customer who was currently there. Sounds absolutely insane now.
— Microplastics Exploder (@DiabolicalSpuds) May 21, 2024
#10
When I was a kid my mom made us “chocolate soup” once and gave it to us in a bowl with a spoon and it was such an amazing treat and like 20 years later I realized it was just hot chocolate and all the cups were dirty.
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) February 18, 2022
#11
when I met my husband, I said I lived in Brooklyn even though I actually lived in Connecticut, and he said he lived in Brooklyn even though he was really just visiting from Minnesota. But against all odds we came together bc we shared a fundamental value. Lying
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) March 12, 2024
#12
i hate when i let a car in and then i see them being selfish in traffic a few miles later. you were supposed to pay it forward. this isn’t the legacy we built together nine stop lights ago.
— caleb hearon (@calebsaysthings) May 14, 2023
#13
I’ve been binging Grey’s Anatomy for a month and I’m gonna be honest w you- I feel ready to scrub in on a Whipple
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) February 2, 2024
#14
I refuse to bookmark a website. I will simply use the far more logical system of keeping 400 tabs open on 32 browser windows until my computer crashes and I can finally be free.
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) March 8, 2022
#15
Dog owners: here is my $5,000 Golden Retriever his name is Champ
— Elle Has Cats (and ADHD) (@ellle_em) May 6, 2021
Cat owners: this is Lord Periwinkle Harcourt-Beauchamp MacGuyver III we found him in a dumpster
#16
Simple facts I'm terrified of my toddler discovering:
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) May 1, 2019
– public parks don't randomly close
– tv's don't run out of batteries
– there is no actual world record for "fastest at putting away toys"
– chicken the animal and chicken the food are one and the same
Got any to add?
#17
me: I just want 2 minutes of privacy in the bathroom
— meghan (@deloisivete) January 28, 2022
my kid: best I can do is a paleontology lecture
#18
MARIE KONDO: does this empty box spark joy?
— Jonathan Edward Durham (@thisone0verhere) April 27, 2024
ME: yes
MK: and this old iPhone 4 box?
ME: yes
MK: and allll of these Amazon boxes? do they spark joy too?
ME: yes
MK: and this other one over here with all of these smaller boxes inside it?
ME: yes
#19
I sent my kids to the store to get some snacks for themselves. My daughter got a birthday cake. For a snack. pic.twitter.com/hT1q8M7aAo
— Megan (@meganbielby) May 30, 2019
#20
The only thing that would survive nuclear fallout pic.twitter.com/kOtQnA2rth
— Midwest vs. Everybody (@midwestern_ope) May 15, 2024