If you’re feeling like it’s already been a long week, take a little humor break with these 20 tweets that made me laugh.
Wishing you a good rest of the week!
Janene
#1
Coming out of my driveway earlier as the postman walked past.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) June 2, 2023
Postman: Are you 34?
Me: [slightly confused but flattered] 34? I’ve actually just turned 47!
Postman: I mean do you live at number 34. I have a parcel.
Now obviously I have to sell my house and move very far away.
#2
“Oh. Wow. Oh. Jeez. We didn’t think everyone was gonna bring a bag!” -airlines
— Dan Wilbur (@DanWilbur) May 10, 2024
#3
It's officially, "Once I'm home I'm not going back out" season.
— Daniela (@DanielaEspo) November 16, 2022
#4
I’m at the age where I won’t make eye contact with someone because they look like a talker.
— Harris (@GrandpaHarris65) February 19, 2024
#5
Generational humor
— Dr. Amy, Psy.D. (@DrAmyPsyD) June 15, 2023
Apparently a Gen Z friend-of-a-friend of my husband went to the bank and they asked for his "social," and he gave his Instagram handle. 🤣
#6
Me: How was school?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 15, 2022
12-year-old: A kid laughed so hard soda came out his nose.
Me: I meant did you learn anything.
12: I learned soda can come out someone's nose.
#7
I’m at the produce market and the smallest italian greyhound I have ever seen just snatched the remaining third of my croissant and the owner hissed AUDREY and they both ran away
— marrowing (@marrowing) June 3, 2023
#8
good news i finally found my phone that ive been using as a flashlight to find my phone for the past 10 minutes
— kenzi (@kenzianidiot) December 19, 2023
#9
Me, looking for my phone: *calls it 5 times*
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 9, 2023
Me, finding my phone: Wow! I have 5 missed calls.
#10
Me to anyone else: "it's in that cabinet"
— Marl (@Marlebean) May 25, 2023
Me to my husband:
"it's in the upper cabinet next to the fridge on the left at eye level. It's bright green. It's right there. IT'S RIGHT THERE"
#11
I’ve officially rescheduled my wedding to 2026… such a difficult decision but it’s for the best due to due my schedule and the current climate. It will also give me more time to find the person I’m marrying so I guess it works out.
— B 💋 (@raysofberry) April 23, 2024
#12
My son asked me if I could draw a dinosaur for him, so I did, and then he looked at it and very quietly said “ok I guess not”.
— The Dad (@thedad) March 6, 2023
#13
Sorry I was late I was refilling my purse Ibuprofen with my bathroom Ibuprofen.
— your other mom (@difficultpatty) April 23, 2024
#14
I just had a second grader do an impression of his dad, which included the statement, “I was born in 1990 and I had to grow up watching black and white tv because color tv wasn’t invented yet.”
— Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) May 18, 2023
Sir. 😑
#15
I would do literally anything to lose 5 pounds right now except change my diet or increase my exercise.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) April 21, 2024
#16
We had a long drive this weekend but thank god my kid had a story that lasted all 4 hours so we didn’t get bored
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) February 22, 2023
#17
My son wrote an essay about how much he hates mayonnaise, and it begins, "As a scribe I see fit to write down all my troubles" and ends "I fell to the ground and moaned for the next few hours, lying in the moonlight wishing to die."
— Bronwen Tate (@bronwentate) December 16, 2022
#18
My 5 year old was pretending to leave for work, rode his bike to the end of the driveway and back and said he made $100 so my question is what is this job and where can I find one
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) June 2, 2023
#19
Them: you smell nice
— Kate lol oh no (@Kateness8) April 21, 2024
Me: thanks, it’s the dryer sheet I just found in my sleeve
#20
When I say I just need to take a “quick shower” what I mean is my regular length shower.
— Rachel (@RachelNoise) April 26, 2024
