The women of Twitter never fail to make me laugh with funny and relatable quips.
Here’s a quick little round-up of some of my favorite tweets from women this week.
Hope these help you start the weekend off with some smiles!
Janene
#1
You know you’re over 40 when you have “upstairs ibuprofen”and “downstairs ibuprofen”.
— єℓαιηє (@elainesim28) May 14, 2024
#2
hate when my husband gives me some crazy directions like “i’m in the south west corner” it’s a costco parking lot i have no idea where i even am let alone what you mean by south or west
— amil (@amil) May 11, 2024
#3
“you should exercise for at least 30 minutes every day” ok and how much if you’re not trying to go to the olympics ?
— chase (@_chase_____) May 13, 2024
#4
Dress codes should just be broken down into "Jeans Okay" or "Jeans Not Okay." This is all the information I need.
— Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) May 14, 2024
#5
Someone brought Krispy Kreme doughnuts into work and told everyone to help themselves.
— 𝐏𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐲 (@pearlylondon) May 15, 2024
Someone else at work cut 1 of the KK doughnuts in half, because 'they couldn't manage a whole one.'
They walk amongst us.
#6
my mother has a medical podcast where she self diagnoses her ailments it’s called my voicemail and it happens every morning at 9 am.
— kim (@KimmyMonte) May 12, 2024
#7
One minute you’re young and carefree, and the next you’re the person who says, “You go ahead, I'm just going to sit for a minute.”
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) May 15, 2024
#8
I’ve been in Paris for 72 hours and I regret to report that walking 16,000 steps per day and complaining about things over 2-hour lunch breaks has immediately fixed my entire life
— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) May 12, 2024
#9
If by “meal planning” you mean grilled cheese for dinner every day, then yes, I do meal plan.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) May 15, 2024
#10
Me: I wouldn't call myself a hoarder
— nice things I say to myself (@meantomyself) May 14, 2024
My employee: Can I throw away this Post-It with the old maintenance supervisor's number on it?
Me: Well, he did die in 2022
Me: …but no
#11
Whoever keeps trying to log into my Microsoft account good luck, I cant remember my password either.
— Case (@Cactuscali1991) May 14, 2024
#12
sometimes when I don’t want to pay the $100 therapy copay I go to my friend’s house and talk extra loud until her husband who’s working on his psych PhD goes “do you mind if I say something”
— faith (@faithnation) May 15, 2024
#13
It’s so funny to me the president of France’s last name is Macron it’s like if we had a President named President Choclate Chip Cookie
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) May 14, 2024
#14
[grocery store]
— your other mom (@difficultpatty) May 15, 2024
Checker: Can I get your number?
Me: Oh, I’m flattered, but I’m not interested.
Checker: It’s for your rewards program.
#15
“Listen to your body”
— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) May 16, 2024
My Body: You slept weird so now your left knee hurts but probably some garlic bread could make you feel better
#16
Just think, there used to be a whole class devoted to learning how to type and it was an hour a day for a full school year.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) May 16, 2024
#17
reprimanded for taking my laptop out at TSA as if they did not just spend twenty years reprimanding me for not taking my laptop out
— Jamie Lauren Keiles (@jamiekeiles) May 17, 2024
#18
Me: I don't have anything to do tomorrow morning, so I'm sleeping in.
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) May 11, 2024
My body: *laughs* Okay, sure.
#19
Martha Stewart is 82 years old and just wrote her 100th cookbook and I just ate a banana because I didn't want to cut up an apple.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) May 16, 2024
#20
I remember when TV used to give us 22 episode seasons and then they cut it down to 10/12 and now they’re doing 8 a season but splitting it in half… what is there to split in half exactly in an 8 episode season
— Abeeha Tariq ✨ (@AbeehaTariqArt) May 16, 2024
#21
I have never been to America but it is a dream of mine to one day go and to go to a proper diner and have pancakes with that streaky bacon and syrup from one of those jugs and coffee that a waitress will refill from one of those coffee pots
— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) May 15, 2024
#22
A girl behind me at passport control just said "I hope they don't realise I'm using my sisters passport. Mine's out of date." Yes please this is the airport drama I live for
— Lorna Rose Treen (@lornlornlors) May 15, 2024
#23
got a five pack of mini mason jars at dollar tree omg I can't wait for someone to ask if I have ibuprofen pic.twitter.com/ukEub0pEpN
— alex 🇵🇸 (@turntineforwhat) May 12, 2024
#24
This lady’s fb comment sums up my entire life. pic.twitter.com/uGtFrDXuwb
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) May 13, 2024
#25 OMG I looked this up thinking it was a joke and the company is actually selling this!
Loft, trendsetter of trendsetters, currently out there advertising what can only be described as “escaped hospital patient” attire. pic.twitter.com/IacZ5UOTN1
— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) May 14, 2024