Another week and and another round of funny and relatable quips from women.
Hope these bring some smiles to your day!
Janene
#1
Every day when I get home, the first thing I like to do is change into something that makes me look like I never plan on leaving my house again
— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) March 2, 2025
#2
[walking into a tire shop]
— BOOP (@Pettyyyboop) March 2, 2025
Me: Um, hi, yes. I was wondering if I could get a front end alignment and tire rotation on this.
“Ma’am, that is a Walmart shopping cart.”
#3
kind of deeply evil that you have to wash your face and brush your teeth EVERY NIGHT even when you’re SO TIRED. they should invent a body that doesn’t need to be maintained
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) March 4, 2025
#4
My husband was annoyed after spending $65 on two burgers and fries, so I said, “Bet yours could blow these away.” His eyes lit up. “Really? I’ll make some tomorrow!”
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) March 5, 2025
Two days later, I did the same with pasta.
And that’s how I Jedi mind-tricked my husband into becoming our chef.
#5
finally completed a very important task i’ve been avoiding for several months. it took 8 minutes and zero effort on my part and i felt immediate and immense relief. i probably won’t learn from this
— frankie (@frankieats) March 6, 2025
#6
Please, if you ever offer me a snack and I say no, ask me again, I didn’t mean it the first time
— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) March 4, 2025
#7
Whoever came up with the word "dentures" really missed the opportunity to call them "substitooths"
— 😊 (@PontistGirl) March 5, 2025
#8
me: *starts coffee maker*
— meghan (@deloisivete) March 7, 2025
me: *3 minutes later* what's that noise
#9
My emotional support animal is just a rotisserie chicken
— who cares (@DianaG2772) March 4, 2025
#10
My husband wants us to give up snacks for lent so now I have to drive to church and find a new husband
— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) March 5, 2025
#11
sorry i can’t go out tonight i’m at home sitting down
— erica (@ericanextdooor) March 5, 2025
#12
Just thought of an awesome comeback to something someone said 10 years ago
— T (@BellahJosie) March 7, 2025
#13
I can’t sleep without my soothing noises *turns on serial killer documentary* that’s better
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) March 2, 2025
#14
Some of you think you’re super secret spies who can’t give away the next move by using a turn signal, apparently
— meghan (@deloisivete) March 3, 2025
#15
One thing you’ve gotta know about me is I’m gonna stay home
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) March 6, 2025
#16
if i died no one would be able to say i lit up a room 🙁 i’m always entering rooms and turning off all the lights and saying things like “ok why is the big light on ?” is this to be my legacy
— chase (@_chase_____) March 3, 2025
#17
Them: just listen to your body
— L (@Ann_Hedonia1) March 6, 2025
My body: go back to bed and don’t ever get out
#18
If you remember going to Blockbuster on Friday night to pick out a movie it’s time to take your multivitamin.
— Kristen (@Kica333) March 7, 2025
#19
Can’t believe I used to think adults knew what they were doing.
— ßευtίƒυℓεηίgмα7 (@BeUtifulEnigma7) March 6, 2025
#20
Stores should accept “I bought this while depressed” as a valid reason for a return.
— Cali (@calidaysay) March 6, 2025
#21
I’ve reached a point in my life where if I can’t find parking I’m just going to go home.
— Kristen (@Kica333) March 6, 2025
#22
When I wear my glasses I think I look like a sexy librarian, but I really look like I’m about to do your taxes.
— ashley noelle (@ash_isawitch) March 7, 2025
#23
One day, you’re young and carefree. The next, you completely understand why your grandparents ate dinner at 4:00.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) March 3, 2025
#24
"that's crazy" "oh wow" "nice" if you hear all three, it's time to 𝘸𝘳𝘢𝘱 𝘪𝘵 𝘶𝘱
— andy vs. (@im-all-id.bsky.social) March 6, 2025 at 11:00 AM
#25
Time to annoy my husband pic.twitter.com/G5IS31qfBG
— bird (@oliveegger) March 3, 2025
