The women of Twitter never fail to make me laugh with funny and relatable quips.
Here’s a quick little round-up of some of my favorite tweets from women this week.
Hope these bring some smiles to your day!
Janene
#1
When I was 7, I fell out the bed twice. It was a twin & my mom was like, “if you keep falling out the bed we’re gonna have to get you a bigger bed.” For two weeks straight, I woke up extra early before school & would lay out on the floor. My dad then got me a queen sized bed.
— Niccoya | Winter Arc (@niccoyat) September 28, 2024
#2
Ripped a tag off my leggings and did not realize it was load-bearing
— meghan (@deloisivete) October 2, 2024
#3
Found out I can't run the air fryer, toaster, and microwave at the same time, but on the plus side I'm pretty sure I took a screenshot of the kitchen
— meghan (@deloisivete) September 29, 2024
#4
A hobby of mine is spending a lot of money to start a hobby then immediately abandoning it
— 𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘆 𝘃𝗮𝗻 𝘀𝗹𝘆𝗸𝗲 (@im_all_id) September 29, 2024
#5
I did it, America. I did all my laundry. I put all my laundry away. No more getting dressed straight out of the dryer. I am a champion.
— Imani Gandy Corn 🎃 (@AngryBlackLady) September 29, 2024
#6
I just know my soulmate is out there somewhere pulling on a push door
— Nayele18 (@nayele18maybe) October 4, 2024
#7
Sorry if too much info but I’m crying laughing… having a hysterectomy next Saturday my neighbours grandchild was told I couldn’t lift him up cos I’d be having the same op as his kitten….. he offered me his kitties cone in case I chewed my stitches 😹😹😹😹😹
— 💙 Merc Girl 💙 (@girl_merc) October 3, 2024
#8
Kids aren’t reading entire books because they are not being offered personal pan pizzas upon completion.
— Melissa Wear (@MelissaMWear) October 2, 2024
Bam, policy solution
#9
i tried to clean up my chrome tabs but it turns out all 200 of them contain information that is vital for my survival
— atrophy wife 🎀 (@zuza_real) September 27, 2024
#10
I’ve made really good friends with a woman who works near me. We stop and chat most days, she’s popped in for coffee and vice verse, she helped fix my printer when it was broken, we’ve planned to go to a food festival next week together, and I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HER NAME IS.
— 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝗿𝗶 (@perrigame) October 4, 2024
#11
A haunted house, but every room is filled with someone whose name you should know, but don’t know.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) October 1, 2024
#12
I took the first step towards cleaning out my closet today. I went in there and looked it over good.
— Darla (@ddsmidt) October 3, 2024
#13
"Nothing beats in-person interaction". Yeah, with someone I know and love, not Denise from finance.
— Sam Whyte (@SamWhyte) September 30, 2024
#14
I made bread and then I made a sandwich with that bread. I am a wizard.
— your other spooky mom (@difficultpatty) October 1, 2024
#15
I’ve been saying this for years: Every major airport in America is leaving money on the table by not having a nail salon
— claudia irizarry aponte (@clauirizarry) September 30, 2024
#16
I hate hotel bath towels.
— єℓαιηє (@elainesim28) October 4, 2024
So thick and fluffy I can’t even close my suitcase!!
#17
My coworker is taking a job interview call for another company during our meeting. but his mic isn`t muted 🤭
— A D 💋 (@AriaImagined) October 3, 2024
#18
the fact that i procrastinate and still get the job done is the reason i still procrastinate
— ً (@alori1975) September 29, 2024
#19
I went for a Pap Test today and the nurse said “I like your hair colour, is it natural?” and I replied “well, you’re about to find out.” [Seinfeld slap bass end scene] x
— Buckers (@deathofbuckley) October 3, 2024
#20
Yesterday one of my students told me that if he ever he runs into a teacher out in public he will never say hello because it would “Damage his street cred” so I reminded him that he has no street cred cause his mom still makes his lunch
— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) October 2, 2024
#21
oh your husband’s a lawyer? well my husband is the head coach of an imaginary football team four months out of every year
— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) October 3, 2024
#22
About to put some things in the washing machine that have no business going in there wish me luck
— Sarah (@idlewildgirl) October 4, 2024
#23
Regularly deleting my brower history so no one can see how many of my searches are cheese related
— meghan (@deloisivete) September 30, 2024
#24
As I am extremely unhappy with my weight and fitness levels, I have today bought a treadmill. I’ve celebrated this momentous occasion by eating three pancakes covered in lemon and sugar and a jam doughnut.
— Flups (@TheRealFlups) October 5, 2024
#25
I hope nobody heard me as I was running up that hill this morning saying out loud "wait for me, wait for me" to the sky. 😂I don't care anyway because it did indeed wait for me. Glastonbury Tor about 15 minutes before sunrise. pic.twitter.com/Ne1AO5NrEi
— Michelle Cowbourne (@Glastomichelle) September 29, 2024
