The women of Twitter never fail to make me laugh with funny and relatable quips.
Here’s a quick little round-up of some of my favorite tweets from women this week.
Hope these help you start the weekend off with some smiles!
Janene
#1
Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the grocery store checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a grocery store checkout line before in their life.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) December 13, 2023
#2
If we are strangers at a Christmas event with twinkle lights and you ask me to take your family’s picture, I will definitely get the best, most flattering angle for the mom. I’ll cut the dad out of the shot if I have to.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) December 11, 2023
#3
I’m at a store buying sweatpants and there are identical sweatpants in the men’s and women’s sections, except the women’s don’t have pockets. This is the pantriarchy.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) December 8, 2023
#4
i’m at TJ Maxx anyone need a broken candle or one shoe size 5?
— kim (@KimmyMonte) December 11, 2023
#5
I’m keeping the magic in Christmas by not looking at my bank account.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 13, 2023
#6
me spending $200 on scented candles: wooooooo
— trash jones (@jzux) December 14, 2023
me spending $200 on health insurance: i will never financially recover from this
#7
people are always like oh climbing mount everest is the hardest thing you could do. and it’s like ok but have you ever had to schedule an appointment
— chase (@_chase_____) December 12, 2023
#8
I’m a lovely person unless I’m cold or hungry or slightly uncomfortable in any way
— Lottie-pop 🍭 (@Lottie_Poppie) December 11, 2023
#9
There are people who refuse to eat food past their best before date and there are people who disregard it completely and they marry each other.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) December 13, 2023
#10
My husband does this thing where he says he has to use the bathroom and then he goes to the bathroom, like right away, without doing 25 other things first, and I find this confusing
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) December 13, 2023
#11
I need a way to lose five pounds fast that doesn't include eating less or moving more.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) December 11, 2023
#12
Friend’s holiday card: Jon got a promotion! I ran a marathon! Kids are on the honor roll!
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) December 8, 2023
Me: I finished a bottle of shampoo and conditioner at the same time, so it was a pretty big year over here for me as well.
#13
I only want to have a wedding so everyone is forced to listen to my music at the reception
— sleepiest girl in the whole wide world (@v_dcknz) December 8, 2023
#14
My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) December 11, 2023
#15
one time a newspaper my dad wrote for accidentally printed his columnist photo in an article about Salvador Dali dying pic.twitter.com/bKUMBdhomk
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) December 14, 2023
#16
Cristina Aguilera: “You’re beautiful! No matter what they say!”
— Tori Fletcher (@hellotorifletch) December 12, 2023
Me: “Wait, what do they say?”
#17
The older I get, the more I sympathize with the Grinch hating all the noise, noise, noise, NOISE
— Pru (@prufrockluvsong) December 11, 2023
#18
Questions About Jesus
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) December 14, 2023
6yo: What’s this cottage for?
Me: That’s the baby Jesus.
6yo: Why is it with our Christmas decorations?
Me: Because Christmas is literally celebrating his birth.
6yo: Why is his name Jesus?
Me: That’s just what they named him.
6yo: They named him a swear?? pic.twitter.com/2lHNs37LFm
#19
If these aren’t the cars of the future, I want no part in it pic.twitter.com/9JVnRRIj16
— 🍉Dumpling Queen🔻 (@LadyDumplings) December 9, 2023
#20
Stages of holiday shopping
— Midge (@mxmclain) December 15, 2023
1. Plenty of time
2. Gifts for myself
3. Oh no
