Another week and and another round of funny and relatable tweets from parents!
Here are some of my favorite quips from this week.
Wishing you all a great weekend!
Janene
#1
It’s truly insane how I’ll still stay stuff to my five year old like “hang on mate, you’ve been saying you’re hungry all afternoon, and now you won’t eat your dinner” as if he’s going to turn around and go “that’s such a good point yeah. You’ve bested me with logic this time”
— Ben Jenkins (@bencjenkins) February 16, 2024
#2
My 3yo, running into the house after a shopping trip with a large and glaringly pink object clasped behind his back: MOMMY DO NOT WOOK. CLOSE YOU EYES. YOU CANNOT SEE YOU VAWENTINE. I WILL HIDE IT IN THE BASEMENT. AND YOU CANNOT WOOK AT THE FLOWERS IN DADDY'S CAR
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) February 11, 2024
#3
The 7-yr old said to me in a rare moment ‘I am so so glad that you are my mummy’ and I thought I would cry and then she said ‘other people’s mothers only give them healthy lunches’.
— Prof. Pragya Agarwal (@DrPragyaAgarwal) February 15, 2024
#4
"I am gwad we have a peaceful home," my 3yo said to me, and as I stared at him in "what in the Hallmark movie trope was that" befuddlement, he continued,
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) February 13, 2024
"Because we have no monsters in our house. Or under our table. Or in our toilet."
There it is.
#5
4-year-old came downstairs after getting dressed, looked at my outfit, and said disappointedly “Oh, don’t you want to look beautiful too?” Sooo Happy Monday 💕
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) February 12, 2024
#6
My kids had to write *their names* on 30 valentines and lamented that this is what it must've been like 'working in a factory'.
— CynicalTherapist (@CynicalTherapi1) February 14, 2024
#7
Husband and I separately bought the kids the same chocolate lollipops today “for no reason,” which means we secretly stopped at the same chocolate shop, which means we’ll probably give each other the same box of chocolates tomorrow. We’re like a zero-drama Gift of the Magi.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) February 13, 2024
#8
told the kids i had trouble with handwriting when i was little and 5yo asked if it was "because pens were made of feathers"
— priyanka mattoo (@naanking) February 14, 2024
#9
I woke up this morning to my 6-year-old propping up an iPad against my forehead because he wanted to snuggle with me and watch cartoons in bed.
— Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) February 17, 2024
#10
“What if dogs only lick us because we have bones inside?” -9yo
— Lindsey Boylan (@LindseyBoylan) February 14, 2024
#11
[I woke up in the morning and kissed my 2yo on the cheek]
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) February 12, 2024
6yo: Why would you do that??
Me: Why not?
6yo: Well, earlier he put his whole head in the toilet.
#12
My 3yo keeps asking to watch the Super Bowl tonight and I was like “no it’s not on until tomorrow” and he was like “just turn it on now???” and I just realized he has no idea what live Tv is
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) February 10, 2024
#13
Me, deciding to eat a mango: I have watched many videos about cutting these. I will do it perfectly this time. Elegantly, even.
— AlwaysAshley (@AshleyAlready) February 13, 2024
Me, 1.5 minutes later: *standing at the sink, mango juice dripping down my arms & face as I frantically gnaw at hunks of mango like a crazed raccoon*
#14
My kids are once again fighting over which side of a Twix is better, the left side or the right side, because kids can argue about anything.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) February 11, 2024
#15
13: Mom, you look younger every day!
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 16, 2024
Me: What do you want?
13: A new skateboard.
Me: How young?
13: 29
Me: Go get my wallet.
#16
My four-year-old talks A LOT. I accidentally tuned out and came back to things just in time to hear him say, “But that does not count as peeing in your pants, right?”
— Lindsay Fickas (@lindsayfickas) February 14, 2024
#17
My 5yo: AT SCHOOL IF YOU BE NAUGHTY YOU HAVE TO SIT IN A CHAIR AND I AM NOT NAUGHTY BUT I WANTED TO SIT IN THE CHAIR SO I BE CRAZY AND THE TEACHER TOLD ME TO SIT IN THE CHAIR
— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) February 14, 2024
Me:
5yo: WASN’T EVEN FUN IN THE CHAIR. GUESS I’M DONE WITH THE CRAZY
#18
I slipped on a banana peel that my toddler left on the kitchen floor and I thought this only happened in cartoons
— The Mom Hack (@TheMomHack) February 13, 2024
#19
Watching my 4-year-old paint and she said “I’m going to make it messy when you see it close but when you see it far away it will be so beautiful,” and I think she just invented Impressionism? pic.twitter.com/C101wKFBd7
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) February 16, 2024
#20
Our 1 year old will only sleep when he’s touching one of us, but I FINALLY got him to sleep in a bed!
— Joshua “Daddy Apron” Berwald (@joshua_boe) February 14, 2024
The bed: pic.twitter.com/QRNKSr9f0j