Another week and and another round of funny and relatable tweets from parents!
Here are some of my favorite quips from this week.
Wishing you all a great weekend!
Janene
#1
I should put a bowl of this Halloween candy in my office in case anyone wants some.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 23, 2024
-Me, working from home. Alone.
#2
“I rarely like any of the dinners you make, but this one I am LOVING!” -the 5-year-old, in reference to a rotisserie chicken I bought from the grocery story. 🍗
— Ashley Parker (@AshleyRParker) October 23, 2024
#3
Just picked up half the middle school boys basketball team to take them for burgers after practice.
— Brad Sea (@BSEAondeck) October 22, 2024
Not enough febreeze in the world to fix this car now.
#4
I don't have to worry about my kids TP'ing houses on Halloween because apparently none of them know where the spare rolls are.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 22, 2024
#5
8 year old: we’re learning about ancient Rome at school
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) October 23, 2024
me: awesome! I’ve actually been to the Colosseum
8 year old: did you watch the people fighting?
#6
I DON’T NEED TO CONFIRM THE APPOINTMENT!
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) October 21, 2024
I made the appointment. Consider it a scheduled appointment unless I cancel
#7
My son didn’t want to get up for school today, so I promised him that if he got up and went to school today, I wouldn’t make him go tomorrow.
— TwinzerDad (@TwinzerDad) October 25, 2024
We were about halfway to the bus stop when he realized that it’s Friday.
#8
4yo as he’s falling asleep: Mom, when I’m a grown up and have my own house, will you come live with me?
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) October 24, 2024
Me: of course, bud.
4yo: Good, because I’m going to need a lot of help taking care of the snakes.
#9
Working through a tantrum with a toddler is like no other human interaction I’ve ever had in my life, because what do you mean you wanted to ride in the right elevator instead of the left elevator
— Robert Komaniecki (@Komaniecki_R) October 25, 2024
#10
A big part of parenting is wondering what is clanking around in the dryer with your kids’ clothes and discovering it is rocks.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 25, 2024
#11
Playing a game where my children bring me fake food and I pretend to be dissatisfied for reasons such as wrong color plate, they cut it wrong, the food was touching, etc. they are getting increasingly more frustrated as I reject all their tries. My, how the tables have turned.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) October 24, 2024
#12
5-year-old asked if Santa can see her when she's naked. I said no of course not because obviously I want her to feel safe and secure, but now I'm getting the sense that she was looking for a loophole and will be nakedly breaking rules in the near future.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) October 24, 2024
#13
You can't hurt me, you're not my kid asking me if I got the clothes I'm wearing from the Sears going out of business sale
— 🌜🤷♂️ 🤯🎃Dad Moon Rising🎃🤯 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) October 22, 2024
#14
Inventor of wicker furniture: What if relaxing was uncomfortable?
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 22, 2024
#15
*teenager knocks on my bedroom door when I’m still sleeping, my wife answers*
— 🌈Dr. Vin Frizzle (@Swilua) October 22, 2024
teen: I need to talk to mom. It’s really important
me: *startling awake thinking catastrophes have befallen at 7:45am*
teen: MOM! do you have pointy boots? this outfit DESPERATELY NEEDS pointy boots
#16
6yo [kicking a football]: Man, my kicks aren’t going very far.
— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) October 21, 2024
4yo: Because you’re not good at it.
#17
My niece came in and saw Little House on the Prairie on tv and said “jeez what year was this 1999?” So yea…
— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) October 22, 2024
#18
Never tell your electrical engineer parent you want to be a transformer for Halloween. pic.twitter.com/Hzw8g89fUV
— Timothy Imholt (@TimothyImholt) October 23, 2024
#19 “Your child has been cast as a door.” LOL!!
Nativity season is upon us! My son has been cast as a wise man. My daughter, on the otherhand – pic.twitter.com/ALWosPwbMM
— Emma Szewczak (@EmmaSzewczak) October 24, 2024
#20
Reasons Why Kids Can’t Be Left Alone With Their Dads😂
— Comfort Adeoye😍 (@_therealcomfyyy) October 21, 2024
THREAD: pic.twitter.com/V275Not9da
