20 Funny and Relatable Marriage Tweets That Prove Opposites Attract

There’s always that person who eats the pickles on their burger and the other throws them away. And they marry each other.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) October 4, 2022

There are two kinds of people. The ones that pack six days before a trip, and the ones that wake up day-of and realize they need to do a load of laundry. And they marry each other.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) July 12, 2020

My husband (the extrovert) and I (the introvert) got separated on our flight. We're in middle seats in the same row.

I've already apologized to the people sitting next to me like 7 times. My husband is sharing beef jerky with strangers and I think he's now in someone's wedding.

— Author Abby Jimenez (@AuthorAbbyJim) December 18, 2018

every relationship has one person who wants to watch all the shows together and one person who already watched them all while they were asleep

— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) June 16, 2021

There are two types of people: one who falls asleep immediately and one who lays in bed for hours thinking about how everyone they love will die one day; and they marry each other.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 18, 2022

There are two types of people: Those who are always ten minutes early and those who think it only takes ten minutes to get anywhere, and they marry each other.

— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) April 27, 2023

There are two types of people:

Those who load the dishwasher correctly and those who don't.

And they marry each other.

— 𝐏𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐲 (@pearlylondon) September 1, 2022

On every road trip there is one person who says "let's pack a cooler with sandwiches and eat lunch in the car on the way" and one who says "let's not even have coffee at home because YOLO" and they end up married to each other.

— Shannon (@ShannonJCurtin) November 14, 2022

My wife spent six weeks researching customer reviews of vacuum cleaners and one time I bought a new car because I had the same dog as the guy on the commercial.

— eEric (@ericsshadow) December 25, 2018

there are two types of people:

those who wander the grocery aisles and those who take the path of least resistance to get just what they need

and they marry each other

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) January 11, 2022

Marriage is having separate tubes of toothpaste because your spouse squeezes it wrong

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) May 5, 2020

There are two types of people: Those who get to the airport four hours early and still worry about missing their flight, and those who think the final boarding call is a good time to go grab Starbucks, and they marry each other.

— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) June 13, 2023

There are people who refuse to eat food past their best before date and there are people who disregard it completely and they marry each other.

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) December 13, 2023

Every marriage has one person who reports whenever a celebrity dies and one person who says “oh.”

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) April 12, 2022

There are two kinds of people in the world and they marry each other. pic.twitter.com/oJ9IX87QbA

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 16, 2020

Husband: We need to keep this box in case we have to return the item.

*10 years later*

Me: Can I get rid of this box? We don't even have the item anymore.

Husband: No, keep it. Just in case.

Me: Just in case of what????

— Hollie Harris (@allholls) May 29, 2025

Husband and I went into Target while his car was charging and I had forgotten what a delight it is to shop with this man. The first aisle I went down he said, “What do you need on this aisle?” Sir. That is simply not how this works.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) April 15, 2025

There are two types of people in this world — those who see this & think “trash” & those who think “banana bread” — & they marry each other. pic.twitter.com/sZrb6T2XMn

— Michelle Strowhiro (@strowhiro) May 13, 2024