Just some funny and relatable tweets from parents!
Hope these bring you some smiles,
Janene
#1
When I became I mother I committed to making homemade nutritious dinners. I spent entire days making “kid friendly” bolognese. Recently I’ve given up. I boiled bow tie pasta, defrosted peas, and poured a can of Alfredo sauce. My son, “This is the best thing you’ve ever made.”
— Elizabeth Collins (@raisedbygaysok) April 21, 2023
#2
Did you know that fatigue usually starts at about the 6th week of pregnancy and lasts until you die
— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) May 10, 2023
#3
‘You have a Masters degree’ she reminded herself, trying to make San Francisco out of jello for 3rd grade social studies.
— OyVeyLady (@OyVeyLady) May 15, 2023
#4
You know what really undermines my around-the-house lectures? Getting my belt loop stuck on my damn lever door handles and being catapulted backwards mid-sentence
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) April 25, 2023
#5
Half of my electric bill is from forgetting I have clothes in the dryer and having to de-wrinkle them over and over again.
— The Real Rodney Lacroix (@RealRodLacroix) May 9, 2023
#6
3yo, playing with her dolls: Mommy, I love you!
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) May 9, 2023
Me: Aw I love you too.
3yo: Oh. That was actually my baby talking to me.
Me: Oh.
3yo: Nobody said that to you.
Me: Right.
Me: Sorry.
#7
She believed she could so she did and now I have a meeting with her teacher and the principal.
— Marissa 💚💛 (@michimama75) May 8, 2023
#8
I bought a Roomba to save an hour on vacuuming, now I’m spending two hours staring at Roomba vacuuming
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) May 9, 2023
#9
My 4-year-old invented a game called “Nap” where she makes me lay down on the couch, puts a blanket over me, and pretends to do things around the house while yelling “IT’S NOT TIME TO WAKE UP YET” every time I move. I don’t know what I did to deserve this gift
— The Dad (@thedad) May 16, 2023
#10
The way I’m willing to leave the house looking like a hideous swamp witch would have my 20 year old self cringing in horror
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) May 12, 2023
#11
7, snuggling against me and inhaling:
— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) March 24, 2023
“I didn’t know women could also get B.O. too.”
#12
Ordered new coats for my kids and for convenience I had them shipped directly to their school’s lost and found section
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) April 18, 2023
#13
When my 2yo doesn’t want to talk anymore, she ends the conversation with “happy birthday” and walks away waving bye.
— Princess | Mindfulness | Conscious Parenting (@themultiplemom) May 8, 2023
#14
If you’re cleaning shoe prints off your glove compartment, you may have a teenager
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) May 11, 2023
#15
my 6yo discovered my husband and i dated other people before we married eachother and lets just say her world is now shook
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) April 12, 2023
"YOU'VE KISSED OTHER PEOPLE?!"
#16
My 5yo has been hounding me to take him to the bank to open a savings account. His exact words this morning: “Why should I keep my dollars in my piggy bank when they can be working for me?”
— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) April 10, 2023
#17
overheard 13 bragging to his friend that he's an adult now and he can download and do whatever he wants on his phone and his parents can't do anything about it. So i went on my phone into our family app and locked him out of his cell phone. try me again bruh.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) March 29, 2023
#18
Got a call from my son’s preschool today. I had to go pick him up early because he *checks notes* gave himself a headache dancing too hard in music class.
— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) March 28, 2023
#19
Before kids: “My KiDs WiLL eAt wHaT I GiVe ThEm.”
— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) March 23, 2023
Two kids in: “What do you want for lunch? A bowl of ketchup with a side of melted ice cream? Ok, here you go.”
#20
My kid told me one of his teachers was born in 2000 and why would he say something so hurtful
— meghan (@deloisivete) February 25, 2023
#21
My son cleaned his room and just like that I have silverware again.
— Mommy Needs a Life (@momneedsalife3) March 3, 2023
#22
My 6 yo just walked in my closet and said she’s going to “dress like an old lady” then came out wearing clothes I wear currently…like pretty much every day.
— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) March 1, 2023
#23
Me, passing on the wisdom of my ancestors to my kids: It’s “righty tighty, lefty loosey.”
— krista (@kristabellerina) February 28, 2023
#24
Sitting across from the 5yo at dinner and something came up and I knew – I KNEW – she was about to say a bad word. I looked at her and she looked at me and I shook my head and said “don’t” and without taking her eyes off me she whispered “I’m thinking it”.
— Dinah (@dinahaddie) March 4, 2023
#25
My wife is hilarious
— Dad 2.0 – needs a nap (@DadaBaseThought) May 11, 2023
We’ve been trying to get ahold of our sons daycare corporate for 4 months and they literally do not answer phones or email
She applied for a job and when they contacted her for an interview she asked to be transferred to the person we needed to talk to
