25 of the Funniest Christmas Tweets of All Time

Santa is cool and all but we all know Mrs. Claus has Santa’s stuff all packed and the reindeer ready to go while Santa spends 45 mins pooping right before the sleigh takes off.

— cheesecake & crying (@cheesecakecryin) December 9, 2021

the twelve days of christmas is completely unrealistic there is no way that you’re still accepting gifts from someone after four days of birds

— m@thew (@TweetPotato314) December 3, 2018

Dads on Christmas Day are just tech support in pajama pants.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 25, 2021

As a grown-up I’ve learned that all the “Christmas magic” I felt as a kid was really a mom who loved me so damn much.

— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) December 17, 2019

Just so we’re clear, The Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people, which is fair.

— Grinch’tavius🎄 (@random_weighs) November 25, 2017

Me, wrapping the first gift: Oooh pretty paper! I just love this time of year. Fa la la la la

Me, wrapping the 27th gift: You people don't deserve bows.

— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) December 22, 2020

The older you get the more holidays become about keeping your father off a ladder

— Mike Ginn (@shutupmikeginn) November 27, 2014

I never understood how the little drummer boy’s parents could just send him outside alone at night to play his drum until my daughter brought a recorder home from school.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 6, 2018

I hate when people ask me if I'm all ready for Christmas. No Susan. I'm not even ready for today.

— Christina the employed electrician (@cmstetz13) December 17, 2018

🎶 He’s making a list…
He’s checking it twice…
He left it at home.
He’s texting his wife 🎶

— Be Kind Of Witty (@bekindofwitty) December 14, 2022

Get your relatives speaking to one another again by sending a heartfelt Christmas card with a picture of your family with an extra child nobody knows.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 7, 2018

The holidays are so magical.
Except for the part where I have 10,000 extra things to do and there is still laundry.

— Meredith (@PerfectPending) November 29, 2016

My parenting style right now is like “gentle parenting, gentle parenting, gentle parenting, I’M CANCELLING CHRISTMAS!!!, gentle parenting, gentle parenting…”

— Be Kind Of Witty (@bekindofwitty) November 20, 2022

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except for the mom who was rage-wrapping, meal-prepping, stocking stuffing, chain-baking, and stress-cleaning.

— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) December 21, 2018

7yo: Guess what a parent’s favorite holiday is.

Me: What?

7yo: Christmas. Because Santa takes care of everything and you just sit back and relax.

Me: It’s a huge relief, yes.

— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) December 9, 2019

I’m sure sleeping in is nice but being the only one awake in a quiet house drinking coffee by the Christmas tree is elite.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 10, 2022

ONE OF THE KIDS REPLACED AN EMPTY TOILET PAPER ROLL IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) December 18, 2022

Dads only want one thing and it’s to immediately collect the torn wrapping paper for their giant trash bags on Christmas morning

— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) December 20, 2021

Here’s a marriage tip, if you need a new can opener just get a new can opener. Don’t give one to your wife for Christmas.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 28, 2022

My 7yo, clinging to his belief in Santa: “You can’t afford all those presents. I did the math.”

— Carrie Melago (@carriemelago) December 18, 2018

Me: "Santa's quite old, you know."
4yo: "How old is he? 26? 27?"

— Lauren Hall-Lew (she/her), @[email protected] (@dialect) November 25, 2016

we've entered the time where i can't go into the kitchen to get something to eat without my wife yelling "those are for christmas!!" so i guess i'll starve for the next 3 days.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) December 22, 2022

I swear to God, from now until Christmas, every time one of my kids leaves an empty box in the freezer, or pantry, I'm going to take it out, wrap it, and put it under the Christmas tree with their name on it.

— Jax Persists (@LadyJayPersists) September 27, 2022

Me: Remembers every single word (including the rap) of TLC’s “Waterfalls,” a song that came out in 1995.

Also me: can’t remember where I hid one of my son’s Christmas presents two days ago.

— Becky Vieira | Witty Otter (@wittyotter_) December 10, 2020

“When I said Legos, I meant Roblox, but don’t worry about it. Santa knows what I meant.”

My 4YO, on the evening of December 23rd.

— Not the Nanny (@not_thenanny) December 23, 2020