‘Tis the season to share some laughs with family and friends! I’ve rounded up the funniest Christmas tweets I could find, nearly all of which I seriously related to.
Wishing you a very Merry Christmas…stay safe and warm out there, my friends!
Janene
#1
the twelve days of christmas is completely unrealistic there is no way that you’re still accepting gifts from someone after four days of birds
— tweetpotato314.bsky.social (@TweetPotato314) December 3, 2018
#2
Does every Hallmark Christmas movie have the same plot?
— Alli Moore (@AlliMichalMoore) November 22, 2017
Yes.
Am I still going to watch them and act surprised when Susan falls in love with the small town baker who only wears sweaters instead of falling for the big city CEO?
Yes.
#3
My mum just waited until the dog had walked out the room to tell me what she'd bought him for Christmas.
— Louise Haigh (@LouHaigh) December 23, 2021
#4
Moms, 2 weeks before Christmas: I don’t want anything for Christmas. Seriously.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 23, 2023
Moms, 2 days before Christmas: For Christmas I want face moisturizer only sold in France.
#5
On the night of Christmas Eve, my kids took out oats for reindeer & Christmas morning my 6-year-old saw white tailed deer munching on the oats.
— Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) December 26, 2023
He thinks they were reindeer disguised to “look like normal deer.”
It’s been 24 hours and he is still riding that high.
#6
This is your reminder that if your birth year starts with 19… do NOT sit on the floor to wrap Christmas presents.
— Deb 🌻 🟧 (@DontCallMeDebby) December 24, 2024
#7
In what is potentially a gross misunderstanding of Christmas in general, my 2.5yo has hidden her wallet ahead of Santa’s arrival.
— kelly andrew is on hiatus (@KayAyDrew) December 25, 2023
#8
Santa is cool and all but we all know Mrs. Claus has Santa’s stuff all packed and the reindeer ready to go while Santa spends 45 mins pooping right before the sleigh takes off.
— cheesecake & crying (@cheesecakecryin) December 9, 2021
#9
My dad already put a box of garbage bags next to his favorite chair so he’s ready for Christmas morning so he’s reached peak holiday dad
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) December 21, 2023
#10
🎶 He’s making a list…
— Be Kind Of Witty (@bekindofwitty) December 14, 2022
He’s checking it twice…
He left it at home.
He’s texting his wife 🎶
#11
Christmas shopping is so hard when your personality is like you know who would love this?? Me
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) December 3, 2023
#12
The best time of the year for me is the week before Christmas when I close my bedroom door and shout DON’T COME IN HERE! and everyone just assumes I’m wrapping gifts instead of wanting to be left alone.
— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) December 22, 2023
#13
My parenting style right now is like “gentle parenting, gentle parenting, gentle parenting, I’M CANCELLING CHRISTMAS!!!, gentle parenting, gentle parenting…”
— Be Kind Of Witty (@bekindofwitty) November 20, 2022
#14
Husband: we got invited to 3 holiday parties
— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) December 5, 2022
Me: yay people like us
Husband: are we going
Me: absolutely not
#15
7yo: Guess what a parent’s favorite holiday is.
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) December 9, 2019
Me: What?
7yo: Christmas. Because Santa takes care of everything and you just sit back and relax.
Me: It’s a huge relief, yes.
#16
Christmas is a very special time when I give my brother a $100 gift card and he gives me a $100 gift card.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) December 5, 2023
#17
ONE OF THE KIDS REPLACED AN EMPTY TOILET PAPER ROLL IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) December 18, 2022
#18
Dads only want one thing and it’s to immediately collect the torn wrapping paper for their giant trash bags on Christmas morning
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) December 20, 2021
#19
I’m too old to be jingling all the way, I’ll jingle til about five thirty.
— Not Today Eric (@NotTodayEric) December 17, 2024
#20
Therapist: Are you doing anything special for each other during the holidays?
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) December 18, 2023
Me: I made him an advent calendar.
Therapist: That was thoughtful of you.
Husband: It was filled with pieces of paper with errands I need to run before Christmas.
#21
Me: "Santa's quite old, you know."
— Lauren Hall-Lew (she/her), @[email protected] (@dialect) November 25, 2016
4yo: "How old is he? 26? 27?"
#22
Overheard my 7yo telling my 2.5yo “you can always tell which presents are from Santa and which are from mom because mom is not good at wrapping and Santa is perfect at it” and I’m not going to lie this has really broken my brain.
— kelly andrew is on hiatus (@KayAyDrew) December 23, 2023
#23
Grandson, 5, could not wait til Christmas Day to give me what I confidently predict will be my favourite present. It is, he tells me "hand crafted". pic.twitter.com/5AB5U7PQIh
— John Cosgrove (@johncosgrove405) December 24, 2024
#24
Me: Remembers every single word (including the rap) of TLC’s “Waterfalls,” a song that came out in 1995.
— Becky Vieira | Witty Otter (@wittyotter_) December 10, 2020
Also me: can’t remember where I hid one of my son’s Christmas presents two days ago.
#25
“When I said Legos, I meant Roblox, but don’t worry about it. Santa knows what I meant.”
— Not the Nanny (@not_thenanny) December 23, 2020
My 4YO, on the evening of December 23rd.
