Laughing All The Way: 25 of the Funniest Christmas Tweets

the twelve days of christmas is completely unrealistic there is no way that you’re still accepting gifts from someone after four days of birds

— m@thew (@TweetPotato314) December 3, 2018

Santa is cool and all but we all know Mrs. Claus has Santa’s stuff all packed and the reindeer ready to go while Santa spends 45 mins pooping right before the sleigh takes off.

— cheesecake & crying (@cheesecakecryin) December 9, 2021

Dads on Christmas Day are just tech support in pajama pants.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 25, 2021

Wife and I agreed on no Christmas gifts for each other so of course I've been shopping for her every day since October because this is clearly a trap.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) December 22, 2023

Just so we’re clear, The Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people, which is fair.

— The Papi Express🎅🏾🎄 (@random_weighs) November 25, 2017

Me, wrapping the first gift: Oooh pretty paper! I just love this time of year. Fa la la la la

Me, wrapping the 27th gift: You people don't deserve bows.

— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) December 22, 2020

In what is potentially a gross misunderstanding of Christmas in general, my 2.5yo has hidden her wallet ahead of Santa’s arrival.

— kelly andrew (@KayAyDrew) December 25, 2023

I never understood how the little drummer boy’s parents could just send him outside alone at night to play his drum until my daughter brought a recorder home from school.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 6, 2018

My dad already put a box of garbage bags next to his favorite chair so he’s ready for Christmas morning so he’s reached peak holiday dad

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) December 21, 2023

🎶 He’s making a list…
He’s checking it twice…
He left it at home.
He’s texting his wife 🎶

— Be Kind Of Witty (@bekindofwitty) December 14, 2022

Get your relatives speaking to one another again by sending a heartfelt Christmas card with a picture of your family with an extra child nobody knows.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 7, 2018

The best time of the year for me is the week before Christmas when I close my bedroom door and shout DON’T COME IN HERE! and everyone just assumes I’m wrapping gifts instead of wanting to be left alone.

— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) December 22, 2023

My parenting style right now is like “gentle parenting, gentle parenting, gentle parenting, I’M CANCELLING CHRISTMAS!!!, gentle parenting, gentle parenting…”

— Be Kind Of Witty (@bekindofwitty) November 20, 2022

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except for the mom who was rage-wrapping, meal-prepping, stocking stuffing, chain-baking, and stress-cleaning.

— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) December 21, 2018

7yo: Guess what a parent’s favorite holiday is.

Me: What?

7yo: Christmas. Because Santa takes care of everything and you just sit back and relax.

Me: It’s a huge relief, yes.

— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) December 9, 2019

I’m sure sleeping in is nice but being the only one awake in a quiet house drinking coffee by the Christmas tree is elite.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 10, 2022

ONE OF THE KIDS REPLACED AN EMPTY TOILET PAPER ROLL IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) December 18, 2022

Dads only want one thing and it’s to immediately collect the torn wrapping paper for their giant trash bags on Christmas morning

— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) December 20, 2021

Here’s a marriage tip, if you need a new can opener just get a new can opener. Don’t give one to your wife for Christmas.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 28, 2022

My 7yo, clinging to his belief in Santa: “You can’t afford all those presents. I did the math.”

— Carrie Melago (@carriemelago) December 18, 2018

Me: "Santa's quite old, you know."
4yo: "How old is he? 26? 27?"

— Lauren Hall-Lew (she/her), @[email protected] (@dialect) November 25, 2016

Overheard my 7yo telling my 2.5yo “you can always tell which presents are from Santa and which are from mom because mom is not good at wrapping and Santa is perfect at it” and I’m not going to lie this has really broken my brain.

— kelly andrew (@KayAyDrew) December 23, 2023

I swear to God, from now until Christmas, every time one of my kids leaves an empty box in the freezer, or pantry, I'm going to take it out, wrap it, and put it under the Christmas tree with their name on it.

— ⚜️ Jax Persists ⚜️ (@LadyJayPersists) September 27, 2022

Me: Remembers every single word (including the rap) of TLC’s “Waterfalls,” a song that came out in 1995.

Also me: can’t remember where I hid one of my son’s Christmas presents two days ago.

— Becky Vieira | Witty Otter (@wittyotter_) December 10, 2020

“When I said Legos, I meant Roblox, but don’t worry about it. Santa knows what I meant.”

My 4YO, on the evening of December 23rd.

— Not the Nanny (@not_thenanny) December 23, 2020