Here’s a little round-up of some of the funniest tweets I’ve come across lately.
Hope these bring you some laughs and hope you have a great week!
Janene
#1
Life hack: met an elderly lady who lives across the street from Six Flags. Says every year she buys a season pass with a meal plan and eats all her meals at the amusement park. In one conversation I figured out what kind of old person I want to be.
— reeamilcarscott.bsky.social (@ReeAmilcarScott) September 26, 2021
#2
What I learned: the neighbors’ dog is not the neighbors’ dog
— Annie Hatfield (@AnneHatfieldVO) July 14, 2018
Why it's important: the number of times I've put the dog back in their yard
#3
my answer to the question “would you like a receipt” is based on absolutely nothing and changes all the time
— Ｎ 𝔼 Ø (@UpdatesByNeo) March 25, 2021
#4
Airbnbs are so funny to me because “sleeps 8” could mean 8 people get their own bed or it could mean someone’s gonna have to sleep on top of the refrigerator
— Grip Skylark 💕✨ (@talleyberrybaby) May 31, 2024
#5
4-year-old came downstairs after getting dressed, looked at my outfit, and said disappointedly “Oh, don’t you want to look beautiful too?” Sooo Happy Monday 💕
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) February 12, 2024
#6
It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for cauliflower cookies and reported them for harmful content.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) December 20, 2024
#7
I wanted to be healthy and buy organic vegetables, but all they have at this krispy kreme are donuts.
— Sarah Aaron (@ShaeAaron) April 14, 2024
#8
As we near bedtime, remember that some people here will have stripped their beds earlier today and forgotten all about it. I really feel for them.
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) June 2, 2024
#9
*writes down password on a random envelope* This should be fine.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) February 6, 2025
#10
Listening to my girlfriend’s workplace drama is like knowing everything that happens in a show you’ve never seen. I’m like “oh wow Cathy did that? CATHY? I did not see that coming. Steve quit? Wow he didn’t even make it to season 3.”
— Ali Kolbert (@AliKolbert) September 10, 2019
#11
why would i finish my thought when i could have a new, more exciting one
— erika (@yeeeerika) February 4, 2025
#12
every relationship needs one person who says “What else has he been in” while watching something and one person who excitedly reads their IMDB out loud
— keegan (@FranziaMom) January 19, 2024
#13
My mom's kitchen floor was so clean you could eat off it. You can eat off mine too. There's all kinds of stuff down there.
— Emma Beasley🐝 (@JustBeingEmma) March 2, 2022
#14
Me, after spending my money erratically: i deserve this
— sweet dee (@deelalz) July 19, 2018
Narrator: she did not deserve this
#15
Hear me out, a q-tip that doesn't bounce out the trash can when you throw it away…
— The Inebriated Misfit (@TheSpotter8) May 16, 2024
#16
Being the only single childless person in my office is wild. My coworkers were detailing their busy weekends with family shenanigans and when my boss asked me what I did I said "went to the farmers market…that's pretty much it" 3 of my coworkers gasped and 1 cried.
— McErin☘️ (@colleen_eileen) June 13, 2022
#17
HBO login: password must contain at least 8 characters, a number, an emoji, your college roommate's maiden name, and a hieroglyph.
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) June 29, 2024
ATM: just any 4 numbers.
#18
Well, well, well, if it isn’t the exact duplicate of me as a child that’s shown up for me to raise.
— Kristen | Driving Mom Crazy (@DrivingMomBlog) March 30, 2021
#19
Sorry, can’t. I took my bra off and threw it across the room an hour ago. There’s no coming back from that.
— Sarah Aaron (@ShaeAaron) April 14, 2024
#20
Airlines: Your ticket is $300. Oh, you would like to bring clothes with you? How extravagant! That will be an additional $50.
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) March 25, 2019
