20 of the Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

Painting with my 6-year-old daughter today. She hands me a brush.

Her: Remember it's okay if it's not perfect.

Me: 🥹 thanks baby

Her: Mine will probably be close though because I've watched a lot more Bob Ross than you.

Me: Oh.

— Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) August 1, 2024

Took my daughter to Disney land and after spending an exhausting day doing rides and gift shops we asked her what her favorite part was and she said “the bus was pretty cool”. The bus ride. To get into the park. That was her favorite.

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) August 1, 2024

Six-year-old recently spent a few days at his cousin’s house playing with a few other cousins who are a similar age.

Me: “What did you do at [your cousin]’s house?”

Six-year-old: “We dug a hole.”

Me: “Oh fun, what else?”

Six-year-old: “…That’s it. We dug a hole.”

— Austen Allred (@Austen) July 27, 2024

I just told my daughter, “It’s 11:11 make a wish!” To which she replied, “My wish is that you go to the eye doctor because it’s 11:17.”

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) July 28, 2024

My daughter has been experimenting with her own versions of “easy, peezy, lemon squeezy” and today she said “easy, crazy, mountain skeleton” and that’s gonna be tough to beat

— Drew Davenport (@The_Davenporter) July 29, 2024

The kids were asking me what time they were all born and I said the youngest was born at 1:29am, and they all agreed that it must have been nice that she just came out while I was sleeping.

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) July 30, 2024

My 4 yo son, walking into my office, "Are you still working?"

"Yeah, bud."

"How many more buttons do you have to press?"

— RandomSprint (@RandomSprint) July 30, 2024

You don’t scare me you’re not my toddler coming in at the crack of dawn with her head full of vicks vapor rub.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) July 31, 2024

Sometimes a tooth falls out right before bedtime, and this is outside of the tooth fairy's normal retrieval window because she needs to go to the bank

— meghan (@deloisivete) July 29, 2024

told the 3yo ten more minutes in the play area at the library

kept an eye on the clock across the room

finally check the time on my phone after thinking multiple times "man time is passing really slowly"

clock is stopped and it's been half an hour

— 🪻bosco🪻 (@selentelechia) July 31, 2024

It’s crazy that you don’t really argue with a baby for the first year of its life and then you have to argue with the baby every day

— Dan Sheehan (@ItsDanSheehan) July 27, 2024

Toddler: Papa what is your name?

Me: My name is Robert, honey

Toddler: (thinking) no…. Your name…. is Ham Sandwich

— Robert Komaniecki (@Komaniecki_R) July 31, 2024

My 6yo just popped up out of nowhere and asked for a hammer, so I'm sure that's fine

— meghan (@deloisivete) August 1, 2024

Sometimes I think about when I was pregnant with my twins and I asked my two year old what I should name them and he said Cinderella and Elmo.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) July 30, 2024

Which wine pairs with ‘my child just passed their driving test and I will never sleep again’ ?

— Gemma 💫☕️ (@gemc888) August 2, 2024

“I’m just having a hard life.”

-my 4-year-old after the yolk of his fried egg broke

— Lindsay Fickas (@lindsayfickas) July 28, 2024

Had a little girl in child minding at the gym this morning who told me in great detail about the pets her family had had, including a cat who was taken last year to live on a farm. "But he was pretty old," she said, "so he probably didn't last long on the farm. I bet he's dead."

— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) July 29, 2024

If you ask me to “excuse the mess”, your house better be an actual mess

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) August 1, 2024

No one tells you the stuff your daughter needs for her first dorm room costs eleventy billion dollars.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 1, 2024

Took Ben (14 months) to the doctor today bc he hurt his finger (he will be OK ❤️) and he was amazingly chill about it. When the doctor held out a gloved hand to examine Ben's hand, Ben stared at him for a moment and then solemnly laid a fistful of cheerios in the doctor's palm.

— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) July 30, 2024