20 of the Funniest Tweets from “Real Life Mommy”

My kid asked me to hold her ice cream without eating any and I was like, I love you kid but some lessons you have to learn the hard way

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) July 10, 2022

I cleaned my kid’s iPad screen and it’s like having cataracts removed

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) January 3, 2024

My husband bought harmonicas for our kids and now I need to find a new family

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) June 2, 2022

I told my toddler that she could only pack the essentials so she filled two suitcases, one with socks and the other with stuffed animals

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 11, 2022

My husband: we really need to cut back our spending

My dog: absolutely, right after an emergency visit to the vet

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) December 8, 2023

My husband pushed a yellow light and 6 is very upset he didn’t get a ticket so she’s writing one herself and he’s insisting on contesting it in traffic court which should be interesting because 3 is gonna be the judge

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) April 21, 2022

Petition to stop ringing the doorbell on TV so my dog can lead a less confusing life

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) June 23, 2022

My daughter wrote “picnic” at the top of my to-do list, and this is why kids should run the world

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) June 30, 2022

Told my children that when I was a kid we had to watch the same thing everyone else was watching, in the same room, at the same time and they haven’t stopped laughing since

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) September 21, 2023

My kid forgot her backpack this morning, as I was pulling away from school I hear her shout to a friend “my mom forgot my backpack” in case you were confused about who’s fault it was

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 18, 2022

I gave my toddler my phone for a minute and now I have 254 photos of her ear to delete

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 9, 2022

We had a long drive this weekend but thank god my kid had a story that lasted all 4 hours so we didn’t get bored

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) February 22, 2023

My toddler is asking all her friends if they like cake. If they say yes, she takes them off her birthday party invite list because she doesn’t want to share her cake. I’m torn between extreme pride and anger that I never thought of this myself

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) July 7, 2021

There’s been some kind of mistake, I was supposed to be the type of grownup who gets to sit around drinking wine with friends all day in my billion dollar beach house

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) October 2, 2022

3 yr old: Grandpa, did your parents name you grandpa?

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) August 26, 2022

I asked my husband if he likes my new makeup better than my old makeup and he got this panicked look on his face, shouted something about a trap, and I haven’t seen him since

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) June 5, 2023

60% of parenting is pretending you know more math than your kid

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) July 8, 2022

My husband does this brilliant thing where when one of the kid’s toys breaks, he takes it down to the workshop to fix it, and it stays there till everyone forgets about it, and then I throw it away, and no one cries

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) December 29, 2023

Huge shout out to the parent who gifted my kid a whistle, can’t wait for your child’s birthday

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) October 15, 2023

I would like to officially apologize to my toddler for cutting her left pancake before I cut her right pancake, I don’t know what I was thinking

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 24, 2021