Top 20 Funniest Tweets from “Real Life Mommy”

My kid asked me to hold her ice cream without eating any and I was like, I love you kid but some lessons you have to learn the hard way

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) July 10, 2022

Took the family to the beach. We spent 2 hours packing, 3 hours trying to get out the door, 1 hour parking and walking, 30 min at the beach and 3 weeks cleaning out the sand

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) July 15, 2022

My husband bought harmonicas for our kids and now I need to find a new family

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) June 2, 2022

I told my toddler that she could only pack the essentials so she filled two suitcases, one with socks and the other with stuffed animals

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 11, 2022

The most unrealistic part of The Little Mermaid is that anyone would wanna be where the people are

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) December 21, 2021

I would like to officially apologize to my toddler for cutting her left pancake before I cut her right pancake, I don’t know what I was thinking

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 24, 2021

Petition to stop ringing the doorbell on TV so my dog can lead a less confusing life

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) June 23, 2022

My daughter wrote “picnic” at the top of my to-do list, and this is why kids should run the world

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) June 30, 2022

“He has no self control!” I mutter angrily as I try to sneak an oreo and realize my husband already finished them

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) September 11, 2022

My kid forgot her backpack this morning, as I was pulling away from school I hear her shout to a friend “my mom forgot my backpack” in case you were confused about who’s fault it was

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 18, 2022

I gave my toddler my phone for a minute and now I have 254 photos of her ear to delete

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 9, 2022

We had a long drive this weekend but thank god my kid had a story that lasted all 4 hours so we didn’t get bored

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) February 22, 2023

My toddler is asking all her friends if they like cake. If they say yes, she takes them off her birthday party invite list because she doesn’t want to share her cake. I’m torn between extreme pride and anger that I never thought of this myself

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) July 7, 2021

There’s been some kind of mistake, I was supposed to be the type of grownup who gets to sit around drinking wine with friends all day in my billion dollar beach house

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) October 2, 2022

3 yr old: Grandpa, did your parents name you grandpa?

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) August 26, 2022

Useful cooking directions would read: remove package from garbage, read instructions, repeat

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) August 5, 2022

60% of parenting is pretending you know more math than your kid

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) July 8, 2022

Shoutout to the mom who gave my kid a birthday present in February wrapped in Christmas paper, you are my kind of people

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) February 15, 2022

I ate baby carrots instead of a Kit Kat bar to demonstrate good eating for my kids, the sacrifices of a mother are immeasurable

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) May 4, 2022

My husband pushed a yellow light and 6 is very upset he didn’t get a ticket so she’s writing one herself and he’s insisting on contesting it in traffic court which should be interesting because 3 is gonna be the judge

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) April 21, 2022