25 Hilarious Tweets About Raising Girls

Having a daughter in middle school makes you realize every song ever written is highly inappropriate.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 28, 2019

At my baby shower years ago, someone told me I was having a best friend for life. This morning my daughter stole my mascara and told me I dress like Adam Sandler in case you’re wondering how that special friendship is progressing

— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) March 22, 2023

I asked my twins the best thing about turning 6 and my boy twin said “my hands growing bigger” and my girl twin said “I can drink wine now”

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) November 18, 2022

“She’s a smart girl…..but she talks too much” was all I got during parents evenings 🤣🤣🤣

— T.M (@xoxotheo) October 23, 2020

Someone left an anonymous love note on my daughter’s desk and the first thing she did was put it in a ziploc baggie so she can get DNA and fingerprints

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) August 27, 2024

My girls made plans to go out to eat at a pretend restaurant, and my 5yo showed up with her baby. They started fighting. My 7yo, "I wanted to go out to eat with you! Not you AND your baby!" My 5yo holding her baby, "I can't leave the baby home alone!" I'm getting popcorn.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) December 30, 2022

My 7yo daughter: someone at camp said girls aren’t tough.

Me: what did you say to that?

My 7yo, who has had a loose tooth for over a week: I pulled out my tooth in front of him and he stopped talking to me. #parenting

— Katie Cook (@katiecandraw) August 24, 2018

i sit with my daughter while she falls asleep and i always whisper “i love you” in her ear as soon as she falls asleep& she says “i love you too” well tonight we had a little argument before she fell asleep i still whispered “i love you” & all she whispered back was “good” LMFAO

— ceciatl (@ceciATL) September 10, 2020

My daughter locked eyes with a boy at the park, shouted his name while shaking her fist in the air, and he ran in the opposite direction. When I asked her what that was all about she said, “Oh, him? He’s my mortal enemy.” My 8YO leads an infinitely more interesting life than me.

— Not the Nanny (@not_thenanny) September 28, 2021

My teenage daughter just walked in my room and said, “Mom, if you take my hairbrush can you please remember to put it back?”.

I just looked at her and laughed and laughed and laughed until she slowly backed out of the room.

— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) May 11, 2021

Me: You wanna watch the baseball game with me?

Teen daughter: No. I don’t like baseball.

Me: I didn’t like Little Mermaid, but I watched it 1,387 times. Now, go get your hat and jersey on.

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) August 25, 2022

In case you wondered what it's like to raise 4 daughters, I had to settle a heated fight over whose turn it was to ride an imaginary dolphin

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 22, 2016

My daughter went back to college today and I texted her that I missed her so much and she texted back 2.5 hours later, “Yes.” Then, “Sorry, that wasn’t for you.”

I WAS IN LABOR FOR 14 HOURS

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) January 11, 2021

5 told me to come to her hair salon, rearranged my hair then put the mirror in front of us and said “well I look beautiful but I haven’t been able to help you this time” then she looked me in the eye and said “you still have to pay though”

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) July 6, 2022

“Your daughter has been training the other children to cry on demand, seemingly in order to disrupt the class” is among the many things that parenting books have not prepared me for

— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) June 11, 2024

1day I'll be thankful my daughter is an independent iron willed human w/an unrelenting strong voice,but not today, not in this grocery store

— sweatpants cher🔸 (@House_Feminist) August 31, 2015

I played Dungeons and Dragons with my daughters.

They were supposed to fight the wolves surrounding a town.

Instead, they fed the wolves and turned them into their friendly wolf army.

Girls, man. They’ll take over the world.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 7, 2018

Told my 3y.o. we needed to pick up dinner for her dad and she said "Daddy's a grown man he can cook his own food."

My work here is done.

— la pachuca ☭ (@kategoesboom) June 28, 2017

I’ve been teaching my daughter to sneak candy into the theater, like any good parent would, but when she pulled a pack of deli ham out of her bag I realized I’ve created a monster

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) August 11, 2023

My 3yo said she wanted to be an astronaut, and I said she had to study hard, go to college, learn a lot of science, and take a physical fitness test, and she shrugged and said, "That's just 4 things." So she's basically a nonchalant motivational speaker.

— Jen Dziura (@jendziura) February 15, 2018

Legit call from the school:

Principal: I just wanted to touch base with you. Your daughter was baiting seagulls into the playground with gummy worms and actually caught one; Like in her arms. It did bite her—not hard, but I needed to inform you that we filed an incident report

— who cares (@DianaG2772) March 8, 2023

I just asked my 15 year old daughter what she even does to help around the house and she said, “I represent the family. I’m at school everyday honoring the family name.” 😂

— Shimon Cohen (@ShimonDCohen) May 6, 2022

Daughter stopped dribbling and started talking to the girl guarding her, then she just gave her the basketball because “she wouldn’t stop waving her hands and it was annoying,” so dreams of that athletic scholarship may be on hold.

— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) February 12, 2022