16 of the Best Tweets From Women This Week

Was thrilled 2 weeks ago to find a mug actually large enough for my morning coffee fix

I just noticed a label on the bottom today

It's a soup bowl

— Shauna.. na (@ForgetTheMoose) July 1, 2023

Sad that cows don’t know their biggest fans are women in passenger seats cheering them on

— Isabelle (@badbeanbella) July 2, 2023

“Robots are going to take your job” yeah ok have you ever watched a roomba for even five seconds

— Jamie (@spacej_me) July 6, 2023

I used to be fun and spontaneous and now I don’t go anywhere without checking traffic and the heat index.

— Ousa Medusa (@MedusaOusa) June 30, 2023

you ever been in the car with someone who drives like we got extra lives

— purple (@prplexi) July 1, 2023

I placed an Instacart grocery order today, and got a text that the store is out of the brand of hummus I ordered, so naturally they’re replacing it with Neutrogena nighttime face cream.

— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) July 5, 2023

charcuterie boards are really great because it’s like what if we had an appetizer but we were squirrels

— madimoiselle ♡ (@drivingmemadi) July 3, 2023

You don't scare me, you're not a group of middle schoolers I have to walk past

— meghan (@deloisivete) July 5, 2023

My grandmother refuses to share her location with the family even though LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING IT, because apparently we “don’t need to know her comings and goings like that”

GIRL YOU ARE 73 AND YOU WORK AT THE CHURCH FAMILY LIFE CENTER DONT PISS ME OFF

— Grip Bayless (@talleyberrybaby) June 30, 2023

Can’t I have to do 6 months worth of flossing before my dentist appointment in an hour.

— Mommeh Thee Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) July 6, 2023

(Texting my husband): Couple of questions…do you know how many are coming to dinner? Are any of them vegetarian? And what time are they coming?

Husband: 6

Me: 6 people or 6pm

Husband: No

— Mommy Meme Jeans (@mommymemejeans) July 2, 2023

What kind of crime would I have to commit in order to get the FBI to come in here and dust?

— Emma Beasley🐝 (@JustBeingEmma) July 6, 2023

Stylist: Would you like me to curl your hair?

Me: Yes! When I do it myself I end up looking like Nellie Oleson from Little House on the Prairie.

Stylist: Who’s that?

Me: Just curl my damn hair.

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) July 7, 2023

Doing shopping every week: Do we need tinned tomatoes? Not sure. Better get some.

Putting away shopping: Oh, look, we've now got 48 tins of tomatoes.

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) July 7, 2023

I pack every pair of underwear I own when I go on vacation ‘cause you never know.

— Nayele18 (@nayele18maybe) July 7, 2023

Wow, y’all! I just figured out how to get hubs to finally install those ceiling fans. I got a ladder, a yardstick, & a pencil, climbed up & said “Ok, the fan is 52” so how big do I need to cut the hole?”

— Kathy Brandon (@Kathryn84738540) July 6, 2023