20 of the Funniest Quips From Women This Week

The human mind is incredible….I logically know that I always feel better after working out, I never regret doing it & always regret skipping it, & yet I spend the half hour before the workout acting like I am preparing to be publicly executed.

— Meg (@megannn_lynne) May 21, 2025

I don’t care if i’m not old enough. I’m ready to retire now and spend my days putting together puzzles.

— Kristen (@Kica333) May 21, 2025

I couldn’t find my phone so I retraced my steps and of course it was in the silverware drawer with the rest of the utensils

— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) May 19, 2025

clothing websites need a model who’s super bloated from eating too much pasta the night before

— trash jones (@jzux) May 20, 2025

[buying wine]

Grocery store employee: What’s the occasion?

Me: Just took a bunch of middle schoolers on a field trip.

— your other mom (@difficultpatty) May 23, 2025

Someone said every woman's biggest fear is late marriage, but mine is using the bathroom at someone else's house and the toilet refusing to flush.

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) May 18, 2025

my dog is always trying to run away like… good luck on the road dude who's gonna fix your ear when it gets turned inside out

— tabitha arnold (@thetolerantweft) May 17, 2025