20 of the Best Tweets From Women This Week

There is nothing that makes me question my entire being quite as much as someone casually saying "you're supposed to deep clean [this object/household thing] regularly" and it's something I've never cleaned at more than a surface level, if at all, in my whole life

— Sarah Hollowell 🦝 (@sarahhollowell) April 4, 2024

Me: Oh, here’s a great place to store this!

Also me: Never finds it again.

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) April 2, 2024

when people say “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” it’s like ok….weird way to admit you’ve never had crème brûlée

— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) March 30, 2024

Ever notice how great your house looks after a good rage cleaning?

— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) March 31, 2024

electrician was like “yeah I’ll be round at eight am, traffic permitting”

he lives six doors down from us

— madeline odent (@oldenoughtosay) April 4, 2024

I never thought getting up from the couch to go to bed would be part of my heroic journey, but here we are.

— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) April 1, 2024

My mom asked what I wanted for my birthday in a few weeks and I told her I’d like her to take me to Costco and buy me household items in bulk. Don’t tell me I don’t know how to dream big.

— Marissa 💚💛🌱 (@michimama75) April 3, 2024

One tiny inconvenience away from eating my body weight in nachos

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) March 31, 2024

Who called it an allergist and not an antisneeziologist?

— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) February 13, 2024

At my house we had Prell, which was basically like hair toothpaste.

— Mary (@AnniemuMary) April 2, 2024

I hate when people start a meeting with “everyone having a good day?” Yeah Tina, I’m at work, on a Teams meeting, and I’m on camera…doesn’t get better than this.

— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) April 4, 2024

Veggies are great and all but I’ve never found a bug in my Oreo cookie

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) April 3, 2024

banks will email you to let you know that you have a new message in your Online Banking Mailbox and the message is "We are your bank"

— Kaitlin Grady (@_kaitlingrady) April 4, 2024

If you spread the jelly before the peanut butter, you’re clearly a weirdo who can’t be trusted.

— your other mom (@difficultpatty) April 4, 2024

earthquakes are supposed to be a west coast thing, they get beaches and warm winters and we get stable ground. that was the deal.

— my book is better than my tweets (@MichellCClark) April 5, 2024

How long does it take you to unpack completely when you get home from a trip? Doesn't have to be exact, rounded to the nearest month is fine.

— Annie Way (@Anniewritess) March 30, 2024

the person I was when I made plans is not the same person I am now that I’ve worked all week

— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) April 5, 2024

My mom accidentally fried her built-in microwave on Easter, and my dad just sent a pic of their replacement. pic.twitter.com/VfdiGKI2kT

— Lindsay Fickas (@lindsayfickas) April 3, 2024