25 Funny Posts for Some St. Patrick’s Day Laughs

Wife: What do you want to do for dinner?

Me: Authentic Irish cuisine.

Wife: Corned beef and cabbage?

Me: Guinness and Lucky Charms.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 17, 2017

2 of my kids' birthdays are in late December so I'm basically not allowed to drink on St. Patrick's Day anymore.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) December 26, 2016

Spent all day consoling my kids for not being Irish until my husband came home and was like, let me tell you about your Irish grandmother. I completely forgot that my children come from two people

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) March 18, 2022

my 93-year-old Irish grandmother told me I should never bring up my Irish heritage in a job interview because “it would prevent me from getting work” and it’s just kinda like, thank you grandma, I will keep that in mind if I interview to work at a turn-of-the-century shipyard

— Robert Schultz (@_RobertSchultz) March 16, 2026

Wearing my authentic Irish pub t-shirt my wife bought me at Kohl’s for St. Patrick’s day again this year.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 17, 2022

10-year-old: Can we get doughnuts for St. Patrick's Day?

Me: What do doughnuts have to do with St. Patrick's Day?

10: I'd be lucky to have them.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 17, 2021

Some people use St. Patrick's Day as an excuse to drink, while the rest of us have kids for that.

— The Real Rodney Lacroix (@RealRodLacroix) March 16, 2022

Last St. Patrick’s Day a kid in my 3rd grader’s class told everyone the leprechaun brought him a Nintendo Switch and I hate his parents so much.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 17, 2021

*At a bar on St. Patrick’s Day*

My friend, “Did you see that guy?”
Me, “Which one?”
My friend, “The one in the green shirt.”
Me, “You are going to have to be so much more specific.”

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) March 18, 2022

I love St. Patrick’s Day. Three drops of green food coloring in the pancake batter and I’m dad of the year

— The Dad (@thedad) March 17, 2022

My 5yo asked if he was allowed to get tattoos at daycare for St Patrick’s Day and I said yes because he assured me that his tattoos won’t be “drilled in” like the ones mommy has

— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) March 14, 2023

4-year-old: What did St. Patrick do?

Me: He drove all the snakes out of Ireland.

4: How did he get them all in his car?

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 17, 2017

in Ireland humans are given a PPS number and cats are given a PSPSPSPSPS number

— Ireland’s First Crime Theme Park (@ThomasSilken) June 14, 2021

I don't know who needs to hear this, but it's St. Patrick's Day and your kid needs 30 green shamrock cookies for their class party today.

— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) March 17, 2023

My son asked me if we could do the Irish goodbye at his class party so I bumped him up in the will.

— @sherisayssit (@sherisayssit) June 17, 2024

You’re not really a parent until you wake up in the middle of the night to transfer clothes from the washer to the dryer so your kids have something green to wear to school on St. Patrick’s Day.

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) March 17, 2025

The leprechaun painted the preschool room green, covered the kindergarten bathroom with glitter, and at our house…he left a quarter on the garage floor…can you believe this guy?

— Be Kind Of Witty (@bekindofwitty) March 17, 2022

can’t believe it’s St. Patrick’s day soon and he still hasn’t asked me to be his patrick

— julia (@juumelo_) March 16, 2026

Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day, so that's my cue to finish putting away the Christmas decorations.

— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) March 16, 2025

36 years spent living in New York City and I accidentally made a doctor's appointment in midtown on St. Patrick's Day.

— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) March 11, 2026

I want to thank the Irish for inventing my favorite way to exit a function

— B (@ParmaJawnCheese) March 17, 2026