20 of the Best Tweets From Parents This Week

*at bedtime*
Me: let’s girl talk
3: what’s that?
Me: when girls talk. What should we talk about?
3: corn on the cob

— The Mom Hack (@TheMomHack) December 23, 2023

My Google searches today:

– why won't my washing machine spin
– appliance repairman cost to fix a washing machine
– how to fix a washing machine yourself
– how to put out an electrical fire
– cheap washing machines

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) December 27, 2023

"The concept of 'breakfast food' is a social construct," I whisper to myself as my 3yo requests spaghetti and meatballs at 7:30 am for the fourth time this week

— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) December 27, 2023

My husband does this brilliant thing where when one of the kid’s toys breaks, he takes it down to the workshop to fix it, and it stays there till everyone forgets about it, and then I throw it away, and no one cries

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) December 29, 2023

6YO: My tummy hurts

Me: Must be the bag of cookies you ate

6YO: It’s the other one, not my cookie tummy

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) December 29, 2023

My 8yo asked if her Tamagotchi turns off. I told her no. Her in shock, "WHAT??" Welcome to motherhood.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) December 26, 2023

I’ve always talked to my kid exactly like any other adult. Mostly because it’s hilarious. But now I’m facing the consequences. I feel like I’m parenting an elderly man in a 5yo’s body.

He went over and just stood by the window and said somberly “There’s a cold front coming in.”

— Loppy Rae: Hoppy Holidays! 💖 (@LoppyRae) December 28, 2023

"Wow, Santa's almost as bad at wrapping presents as you are, daddy!" – my 6 year old daughter

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) December 25, 2023

My son just turned an everything bagel into an everywhere bagel

— LL Gabagool Jay (@JayTorch1031) December 24, 2023

Thank you for teaching your kids to sit nicely in restaurants so I can point out to my kids how nicely other people’s kids can sit in restaurants.

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) December 26, 2023

Daddy, Santa should know that I don't like Rolos but he puts them in my stocking every year.

Me: (Unwrapping a Rolo) Yeah, that's weird.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 25, 2023

I started video recording my gym workouts. Not for likes on social media, but for the paramedics to know exactly what happened

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) December 27, 2023

My kid got a bow and arrow, slime, a nerf gun, and keyboard for Christmas because apparently I was on the naughty list this year

— Mommeh Thee Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) December 25, 2023

my ten year old just looked at me and said “hey mom i’ve been listening to this cool new band I found they are called r dot e dot em 🙂”

pls send help

— 🌈Brianna Whitrock (Shrum) ✡️ (@BriannaShrum) December 28, 2023

My 3yo didn’t want asparagus but she loved the “asparagus fries” that were just…asparagus.

It's all about the marketing.

— The Mom Hack (@TheMomHack) December 27, 2023

My mom knows what I worry about most and has a sense of humor. pic.twitter.com/hS7lz4jpEG

— La Femme Fatali (@toomanycommas3) December 26, 2023

Asked daughter to make a mozzarella and tomato salad. Outstanding. pic.twitter.com/nHMiPabedz

— Heidi Stephens (@heidistephens) December 24, 2023

My daughter came downstairs and offered me and my husband some bananas, which we accepted and immediately popped into our mouths because we thought they were Runts candy, but actually they are erasers. pic.twitter.com/cDVE4D87FL

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) December 29, 2023

Yall. My three year old came down at 3am and unwrapped EVERYONE’S presents. pic.twitter.com/8dlfqdwHO7

— Scott Reintgen (@Scott_Thought) December 25, 2023